i thought i smelt shit

so its hit the fan.

we need an MD present at our game Sunday. where does one find an MD? i don't know. How much does it cost to hire and MD for the day? i don't know.













im just about done.

silent

i feel like things are getting quiet...maybe a little too quiet. i have to creep everywhere to be sure that i don't get caught.

Yea, first home game on sunday.
yea, im 21 on Monday
yea, im going to hawaii in 14 days....holy shit
yea, im a llama again!!!
no wait..

so i made a terrible biology pun in bio lab yesterday. i didn't mean to it just popped out. i think the group was thoroughly impressed, but i was mortified...punning in bio gaah, i think i may be doomed to become a bio teacher...if the bad puns just pop out like that. man o man.

i could restrain myself i had to correct the grammer on my test we had though. i think i have that disease, the one that makes you a compulsive grammer correcter...grammitis i think its called.

anyway, i didn't stay for the lab...i tried to but it seemed i kept walking out, and one time i was on my bike riding home before i realized that i was skipping my lab (bad llama)

im sad though, my phone is broke so i can't answer it...or i can but there is so much static no one can hear me and i can't hear them...sad eh!?

okay im going to class...and hopefully i won't leave early by accident.

its sensitive

oh boy.



i'm not sure that i can compute this one. i think that this may just be one over the top and im ooverloaded now.
tasks due on or before monday:
- collate Knister's two editions of poetry
- design and execute rugby practices (2)
- host/attend rugby social
- type bio notes (3 lectures)
- read bio chapters (3)
- review bio labs
- read poetry..lots and lots of canadian poetry
- write poetry
- read article for can lit
- read poetry package
- be a nice person
- code interviews (7)
- prepare for Hawaii conference
- copy edit manuscript (chapter 3 and 8)
- clean the house
- do dishes
- be a pillar of love and support

i think ill quit all other things for michelle, and just dance and play games and make her happy. what else can you do when you get news like this.

i think life needs antipsychotic drugs

I dunno where all this hostilitiy is coming from. I can't get a break, or maybe i can maybe i get lots of breaks and then have to get balanced again. i hate this. is this what it takes to be exceptional...mania. Up and Down and touch the ground. im going to burn out soon. really soon, which is bad. i think i have to quit but i can't because i love my job and my work, and im total invested in it. but i don't have the time to do good school and good work. gaah. Seb was online but i didn't say hi. I hope he's better (from the chemical leak thing). I put my knee out again last night, what a terrible night. hurts this morning, its swollen again. i wonder if i should go back to the needle woman, she did real good. And now this self obsesseed post has 20 I's aren't you tired of hearing about I!

lets talk about something else. The growing rift between the humanities and the 'pure' sciences. EJ Pratt wrote, through his "titanic" poem, warnings about the blind commitment to the ability of technology to be the highest human achievement. That those who see technology as the source of solutions for all our problems, unwittingly attribute human characteristics to technology. This happens because of human pride in our accomplishments. We take pride in what we have masterfully created, and project onto it the feeling that you get when someone is proud f you. if technology can feel that joy then it must, at least on some level, be part human. This is comforting, and lulls us, makes us believe it will be okay because ''We have the technology." then we start projecting other human attributes on technological advancements, calling them with human gendered pronouns like he or she, and this leads us to accept them not as invations on human nature but as part and privy to human nature. Problematic? Yes technology does not have human will. In the face of catastrophe it doesnot react with altruism or atavism...it just continues as it was designed. so whats the point? That technology is wonderful and progressive, and helps us in many ways; but it must be coupled with human choice, ethics (even though i have distaste for the word ethics), and judgement. In the end we are the controlling force (aren't we...hmm) and we mustn't so easily abdicate responcibility. So whats this got to do with 'pure' sciences and the Humanities? simply that the two should be brought together, that there should be common learning, there should be respect and understanding that while some energy must go into progressing technology we still need to be aware, no, we still need to be ingrained in a historic, cultural, social and human legacy; there is a past and it is significant and there is a future and it can be beautiful.

Oh life is easy

oh frabjuous day.

i love ACDC i think im going to listen to more of them, like all the time, cause like, they totally make me like super happy.

do you know what else makes me happy, scholarships!!! huzzah!!! You are reading the blog of on of this years recipients of the Millenium Exellence Awards National In-Course Scholarships... a two year award in the amount of $8000 dollar. and in one month and 1 day i will be on a plane to hawaii...huzzah!!!

but i have so much work to do n ow...ggasp i can bearly breathe...im drowning in floods already.

okay i'll stop procrastinating... im so happy im on the highway to hell

ps read "titanic" by E J Pratt http://www.library.utoronto.ca/canpoetry/pratt/poem6.htm

and i thought life was easy

so i go to my first day of bio 101 (or 141 as they call it) and the prof asks for a quick pick or what degrees people are in - you know bio, chem, general science, engineering "anyone else?" she inquires with doubt in her eyes. "English," i proudly announce, thinking to my self ha i can read and know the difference between transcription and translation; but boy what a reponce! "English," she smirks as if i'd said vagina, "are you lost?"

uh! how humiliating, you'd think she'd at least be a little tactful in her dismissal of the arts. well anyway then i went to see baby brother cause sometimes that helps, and he tells me biggest brother was on his way to therapy (he just had his ACL reconstructed last week) and he got into the elevator and suddenly his eyes start watering, his nose spews mucous, his vision goes, he thinks he's having a stroke or has already had one; one of his apartment collegues pull him from the elevator and get him onto a balcony...there was a chemical spill in the shaft, the whole building had to be evacuated. except. big brother lives on the 19th floor and as i said he just has his ACL reconstructed so they carried him to the roof and everyone else evacuated. needless to say he didn't make it to therapy. But they left him on the roof they did air lift him out or something. they did his decontamination up there.

crazy huh!

maybe you we're right

hmm maybe people should worry. i'm worried, and in pain, honestly i don't do well with this non-stop lowgrade discomfort. how stupid is that body, get with it (thats what i would tell my body if is read blogs) *sigh* maybe i'll go see a doc and have her poke my tummy and my knee and say there's no connection and then i'll ask for a second opinion and she'll say and you're ugly...just to make my day.

yea rugby starts today...sort of. i think i'll go watch the gents play.

*pause*





wow that was a long tangent... i started this at 3:02 its not 4:31 i forgot i was distracted trying to find out about the game...huh. time to go

why worry?

people worry about me without my consent...grr. i should start carrying a glove and challenging people to duels. "you worry about me will you!" i'll shout, "well i challenge you to a duel" and throw down my glove...then i would dance about and skip off into the night. i think id like to start skipping off more frequently. im allowed to change...or change back. it hink its change back, i used to skip off into the night a great deal. but i suppose thats just me.

anyway im sitting in michelles office posing for the press. yea three level.

goodnight

What a happy birthday dani!

So we went to Rush last evening to celebrate dani's 20th and sherrys vacation and vickys back to school and all that fun stuff. So anyway, its lots of fun dancing on one leg or while sitting. But the two top stories of the evening are as follows in countdown :

Runner up story: the cute boy in black, my favourite dance partner ever. He just danced! It was wonderful, no groping, no sleeziness it was wonderful. So anyway at one point i was sitting to have a break and he was lap dancing i suppose for me, so i stole his belt, how foxy. Sadly this story is not as good as it could have been cause i put the belt on and later while we were dancing he stole it back (rats) so im a bit of a failure; but he was such a nice dancer and held my leg so i wouldn't have to hold it up myself and we just danced like loons.

Grand prize winning story: Danielle to the rescue is the title. So Sherrie always manages to get these creeepy boys who won't go away. A couple times i had interrupted their grose dancing, but he just wouldn't take a hint, so i sent some of black shirt boys friend to get him off her, and still he came back...he was kind of that cat that sits on the porch downstairs, that dani yells at all the time. Anyway D is dancing up a storm as always, and sherrie and stupid boy are up on the stage, so i tell d to go help sherrie. Dani nods at me, leeps onto the stage, dives between sherrie and stupid boy, spins sherrie who promptly gets off the stage now that she is free of stupid boy. D dances with stupid boy for all of three seconds before giving him a friendly shove off and spinning down under the bar off the stage. The whole thing took about 1 and a half minutes. Amazing. And still stupid boy didn't take the hint, but the effort was so valiant and so blatant, and half the bar was watching and pointing and laughing, i guess sherrie is just that hot...granted after we sucessful got stupid boy to buzz off she promptly disappeared with another boy...oh sherrie amour

the most beautifully honest moment of the week

I'm tired of calling you and missing you and dreaming I've slept with you; and i i was just thinking...


i wish more of the world could be so brutally honest. I spoke with a young woman today, did an interview for the research Im supposedly conducting, she's from Rwanda, lived there through the war, through the genocide.

But what do you do, ask, so were you Hutu or Tutsi? or a moderate. Where is your mother now, dead! yikes. But how can you be honest? Damn I'm back to this again. Well at least i know that i only have about a years worth of thoughts, and now we're recycling the old ones, polishing the ugly parts and regurgitating the same debate. Honestly lying about trusting you, wanting to punch you, trying to fight all the rythems inside. bts soon, im glad, i need imput.

peace

mmmonday...again

hmm mondays are very interesting to me...well by that of course i mean to say...seb has surgery today...goodluck; kyle has a birthday today...happy birthday; i have to finish dani's present today...could be useful

i think that i will draw something.. no lets be honest, i'll work on the design for the dress.

xox

today is friday

is anyone ready to FREAK OUT, talk about free floating unidentified anxiety. my goodness, i go to sleep worrying, i wake up worrying, i go to work for bike rides and runs and all i do is just worry about stuff.

le sigh

okay, so i ran lots yesterday, and only my mcl regoin hurts today...i dunno i suppose thats pretty good. there's no deep pain or swelling. maybe ill just not have surgery...although waiting 13 months for surgery is kind of like not having srgery anyway. so maybe ill go for the provincial squad this spring, why not? i could get really hurt then and get emergency surgery. oh frabjuous day.

im back in my program. what luck, hey, Marty is teaching though so i guess i was a little bit a shoe in. but then we think the same nd write a lot alike so thats voondervel. oh i have to go do an interview. i hope it goes well.

kite

Surgeon for hire

So anyone with any information on knee surgeons interested in performing an ACL repair surgery, i have the goods on what needs to be done, but i would like it to happen before i turn 24. i am willing to give up one more season, but not three more seasons. so yea...thanks.

M

cross my heart and hope to die

yes. the rumours are true, i let someone stick a needle in my head this morning. It was completely professional there is no reason to panic. but boy do i feel much better now that the needle is out of my head.

So toronto, im coming home for a vacation. its too exhausting and i need the break. 17th-20th. Man of war. what a bloob blah day. i think im going to do some writing.

b thok

what a horrible place, where words are so powerful. where to see these morphemes linked together have such lustful movement in our deepest soles. where the strongest little urchin can be crushed by a fragment of a misdirected thought. poor thing. poor thing. and to be involved, to be informed of such crushing strength, the crushing strength of words.

crisis point again. building. is it easier to forget or to deny. is it faster to fight or lay down and die. what choice is there left to make when either choice is for defeat.

poor thing. poor thing.

this horrible place, where written words cause such disgrace.

a thok

Ive been having thinks about life and crisis and life in crisis. And about the state of things, about opinions about the way things flow and the need for more music that isn't for money. on that point i think i understand a little bit about what makes great music: its music htat just is. Some music you can listen too and just hear the dollar signs in the eyes of the writer, and its not that its bad music but really what you hear is dollar signs. Its strange because this is an idea that came to me from a long way away (gr 11 i think) when we watched that documentary about the porn star, and she said that to be a good porn star you had to really enjoy having sex, because the women who just do it for money you can see it in their eyes, its dollar signs. And i think that Miss Valentine was very right about that, and i think it translates into all things that make a person happy... ie music and dollar signs, athletes and dollar signs (e.g NFL vs CFL, NBA vs WNBA, Olympics vs IAAF world championship), teachers and dollar digns, gyms and dollar signs, politicians and dollar signs... the green motivation is devistation in the nation i watch through my sega play station, and the waves of insecurity that sweep those in positions of authority who know they inferiority to those with parrionate intent.

intent

this in an interesting motive/idea/ movement hmm... *currently listening to enya - celtic field*

anyway as i was saying about crises and life, im definately at a crisis point, to stand up and take the shot and let go of the baggage that goes with guilty or to remain obstinantly silent, emotionally sequre and carry the few extra pounds. I think i have to speak up, because maybe it will be bad and cause ruckus, but maybe it will make things better after the storm.

terrifying

i have discovered the most terrifying song ever concocted my anyone and it is "Flowers become Screens" by Enya and Enigma. I have never been more terrified while playing cards. Never. My goodness that was some crazy shit, and i hope i never play it again.

so on a completely unrelated note of being terrified, i had some accupuncture today. Yes thats right I paid someone who i could barely communicate with to puncture my skin with dozens of razor sharp needles and then i lay perfectly still and listened to classical music. Let me tell you a little story about scar tissue and accupuncture, the little needles must puncture the scar tissue...this is not a painfree process, but then again what is. No i have bits of tape all over my knee that make me smell like little old chinese women from the subway (a very comforting smell for a former frequent communter of the danforth line)

So life is lifing, i feel very in tune, but i can't quite hear the words so im a little lost (but the tune...got it with perfect pitch)

Crisis point is rapidly approaching, but thats okay cause im getting ready to ask the world for money.

bye

chug chug chug went the motor

i think the world needs a new soundtrack
and i think it should go bop bop bop went the wheels
or sing about the night in Tunisia

More

but i wouldn't be make believe if you believe in me

http://www.gethappy.com/more1.html

So i wonder where in the world Fraser Raney could be by now? Maybe he moved out and off to a distant country. i want to believe he is in Germany. or possibly Spain but i hope Germany, he would probably get skin cancer in Spain.

anyway, want more Bliss...check it out.

life as i know it

okay the knee is looking uffish. its swelling again and my insurence is expired so i can't get more treatement till i get my mums number. but i got to see the surgeon. nice fellow. doesn't talk much (mucho frustrating to not know,...ya know?)

Cleve is coming a touring next weekend and we are playing my favourite team :( well im photographing my fav team...

the boys are dummys and make life slow and boring. Dom phoned...just cause. i suppose im a dick, but im comfortable with that. besides i like to read peter pan...he's a dick too. without memory is an interesting concept. amnesia.

id like to call a dog that or maybe a goldfish

anyway. michelles an aunt mucho congrats

there was a reason i am writing but i forget. so happy nemesis day