Oh I had a horrible nightmare last night. All giants and zombies, and the Duke of Edinborough and yea, it was horrid. But I’m awake now, so life is better.

Lady M

Growing sideways

Said so long to my mother this morning. Exhale, we are in this both feet and a full jug of wine. Just me and Gran at home now. She’s getting better and brighter each day, though she sleeps most of the day and night. But that’s expected having spent a month in bed in the hospital with all sorts of drugs and pills and surgical procedures. The doctor’s are very happy though, they are not going to put her through chemotherapy; they believe they got the whole tumour one shot. There is something to be said for being stubborn and always right. If she’d been to see the doctor and had an exam even 6 months ago they would have been all lets go through radiation and surgery and all a big deal. Her way she gets instant emergency surgery, takes care of the whole lot one time, and that is that. Still, it is a reckless way to go about it.
So I’ve missed a few days, and missed some big stories on the way. Thursday (the 12th) we drove up to Marlborough by way of Salisbury. We stopped in at Stonehenge, which was weird, but cool none the less. I think it's odd to pay to see such things, and you weren’t allowed within 15 metres of the thing. Plus there were loads of people all gaggling about, so that was weird too…it seems like it should be a solitary experience. The oddest thing about it is that is doesn’t open until nearly 4 hours after sunrise, and like everything in England (apparently) it closes at 5pm. How does a stone megalith have hours of operation…
Anyway, after the walk around the henge (with the handheld audio tour) we went to Marlborough to visit my mum’s cousin, Virginia. She is just something perfect. She was talking about her brother who has just bought a property for £2.5 million, to which she quickly added she would never go and visit him there. I agree. Although property prices are a fair bit inflated here, I say a two bedroom cottage like my Gran’s advertised for £465,000. Which if it was Canadian dollars I could maybe understand as its kind of a high demand area, but that are in pound sterling…that’s close to a million dollars Canadian for a two bedroom bungalow.
Virginia’s two youngest children Jo and John were there, they are just lovely; so bright and inquisitive and gracious. Plus they had absolutely shocking red hair, just lovely.
We did lots more driving, visited Silbury Hill, which is the tallest man made mound in Europe…or at least in England…but I think it was in Europe. And they are just doing examination of it, and the preliminary findings that are coming out say that it was built in similar fashion to the pyramids, so I think they are looking to see if they can find a grave down there somewhere.

Of course when I’m saying we, I mean mum, me and my cousin Joe. Then it was off to Avebury, which is the real oldest stone ring in Europe. And it’s huge, and there is a city right through the middle of it. And the ring and ditch around it is all sheep pasture. That was lovely, and you could go right up and press your face against them.

That’s about all there is to report for now, my hands are getting sore. Just I walked down the high street today and saw this wonderful British sign, so enjoy. Lady M.

Welcome home granny

Happy Birthday Oli! That’s right, my little brother is now legal to drunk everywhere. In the forests of BC (that he is currently building), in the Mexican towns of the united states, in the back alley pubs of England (where he has been legal to drunk for 5 years) and in the beach front shanties of the Caribbean.


Oh that was Granny, she is being released at 2 this afternoon. After 32 days in hospital she is now coming home. She is much happier and healthier than when she went in at least. But boy will she be surprised to see what mum and I have been up to since our arrivals. I’m actually glad to get out of the house soon. We’re going in to South Hampton to do some shopping and walking about and collect Gran.
I’m kind of really missing Canada just now, leaving in such a rush is not advisable, that is for sure. To anyone planning to get away for a year or so, be a bit more organized than I was…I still have to repack all my bags because things for England are in both suitcases.
Last night mum and I went through a whole bunch of letters and photos. There was an entire album it seemed that Shadow would have loved, all sail boats and architecture. My Granddad’s photos from his various adventures.
I’m still very travel fatigued, it’s not really jet lag (even though my computer tells me it is 7:40, and I’ve already been up for hours painting, washing windows, moving furniture, breaking stuff…). But I think that just travelling regardless of facing time zones is tiring, or confusing, my body can quite figure out that time is still passing, it feels like I’ve only been here a day, but already its been 3. Anyway.
Time to go get ready to get Granny. Check in later.

Lady M

Cigarette's and Coffee, hold the coffee

We spent the day washing walls, photographing tattoo’s and cooking. Made an amazing rosemary roast chicken. Jessie, mum’s niece was by for the day and while mum drove Anna back to Littlehampton, we played at granny’s. Played I suppose should be used loosely, cleaned the pond and washed walls is more like it. I can hear my accent shifting a bit already, all my vowels are very long again, its funny to be in England like this. The major thing I find though that makes you sound British, is not the accent but the diction. You call things all sorts of funny stuff, flats, mates, rubbish, lou or lavatory. There are other things too, words you don’t think you know, or wouldn’t think to use normally that just come out. Its very interesting. I think I should like to read about it, about I supposed the psychology of language use, and the compulsion to adopt a diction zone while you habituate it. Its different too, here in the country no one comments on your accent, but I know the cousins in London will be horrid about it. But there are also loads of them, rather than here where there is just Jessie or Joe really. (There’s one…loads…back home I would have said lots or tons, but I wrote loads, it sounded right…anyway). So I’m at Joe’s now (well, Uncle Ian’s really) trying to get on the internet (I’ve been writing in word, since there doesn’t seem to be wireless available at granny’s, but the network won’t recognize me here, I think. It’s weird there are two empty bottles of scotch and an empty Jack Daniel’s in the window. But I swear Joe is just 18…already he is emptying bottles of hard liquor. I suppose its something that comes with much practice, he probably started drinking before I did, even though I think I’m four years older. Well this connection just isn’t going, so I’m going to get on Joe’s computer and try that way. Hope this gets posted eventually. Lady M

Traveling

I was very excited for 7.7.7 and I didn’t get to make an entry on it cause it was only 19h instead of the usual 24. That’s the trouble with travelling east. So yes, the plane was very late taking off, but I did watch most of Seb’s game in the airport as a result. Then once we took off and I finally let myself fall to sleep it was only a couple hours before we arrived at sunrise (by my calculations it was about 3am…bloody time zones). Then we took a lovely tour of England, and Ireland, and France, and the English channel while we queued to get our landing spot. Then of course I followed orders of the signs that said British passports here everyone else in that slow moving line over there. After snaking through an hour of immigration rope I get to the wicket and the lady says, “What’s the purpose of you…oh you were born here, could of taken the other line dear, enjoy you trip.” Stamp. Six month multiple entry visa. So I navigated us to Littlehampton, to pick up mum’s sister Anna. We had some hippy shit there, no not the Canadian kind, it had peas and stuff in it. Hopefully, its not the most deadly thing that I could be eating for dinner, on the news at eleven. Finally we made it to South Hampton to the hospital to visit with granny. She looked very well, she’s hoping to come home tomorrow evening. We could only chat for a bit though, cause visiting hours were almost over and I was falling asleep. Of course, we took the scenic route through the New Forest to see all the horses. Wild horses everywhere, and they have all just foaled so there were tons of fuzzy little monsters running around. Only the kitchen is the same size it used to be in Gran’s house. With the beautiful red walls and tiny little fridge. Okay can’t stay on long, I don’t know about the charger here. Peace Lady M

Travelling, gotta love it.

So I'm all set to go, got just about everything I could before leaving. made it to the airport, my luggage was way over but didnt hav to pay. said my tata got through the sequrity...two hour delay...right. at least i can buy internet access and watch Sebastine's game before i head out...thats pretty nice.

be in touch

m

Au Revoir Canada

So here it is, my last day in Canada. For a while at least. I still have a lot to get done, well some money stuff, ya know. But i think that this morning is for sitting in the garden watching the koi (they are getting big) and drinking tea.

 Thanks Windsor for this and that. For the friends and lovers, for the drinks and rugby, for the writing and publishing, the books books books and books. Thanks for being Windsor and smelling, cause super rat's can respect that! 

 Alright time for tea. Lady M

Hello women, How are you all? In good mind, body and health I hope. So I was thinking that I would ask a huge (little) favour of all of you. You see, I'm sort of working on this poem, or play, or story, or research report, or gonzo type project, and I need some other voices and opinions to harmonize with. I know most of you are probably thinking, you don't even know who I am, or perhaps didn't have this woman in a class once, or why does my grand daughter, coach, tutor, research assistant want my help for a poem, or play or story or research report or gonzo sort of thing. It's a cliteracy project (giggle, I know it's a funny word). And I've found that it takes more than one to know one. Cliterature is asking and writing and drawing and photographing and painting gynocentric, woman-positive …things…. You see it all started some months ago when a serious apathy for all things began brewing in this poor little Roo; and I said Maryszka you need to get some good vibes into your education. So I started looking for things that might have both good vibes and things to teach me. I looked all over the place, in books and lecture halls, in shopping malls and hair salons, on the fridge and in the oven, under rocks and in potholes, downtown and up stairwells…and well when I looked up a stairwell I saw something very good that got me vibrating and told me where to look; so I bent over and had a peek between my legs. Low and behold…well I was blushing good vibes and education. So now I'm writing but I want more input. So I'm calling for all of your cliterature. I'm looking for anything: writing, or drawings, photos, or citations that inspire you when you think of what it means to become cliterate: why are you a women? Please don't think I am looking for anything in particular, or profound, or that would take any woman a lifetime to think up. Take it anywhere you want; go downtown, to the gynaecologist's, to the morgue, take it to the birthing centre, the office, the film studio, the bedroom. I just want some ideas, and some voices other than my own. Even if all you've got is a three word response to this email about my strangeness, I would deeply appreciate the sound of your voice. What am I using the voices for? Depends really; strongly poetic voices may be asked to step into the poem, others may be spring boards into the report, and some whispering sorts of voices might be used as titles. It may happen that all your voices remain silent, in which case your silence will act as a sounding board for my mouth to cry about the climbing iccliteracy rates of our communities' women. Questions: just ask. Responses: just email. Want to join the project: just well email that too. I hope to hear from all of you or some of you or one or two of you. And if you know cliterate women who might have a word or two for me, please pass my email along. Mother, sisters, daughter, aunts, grandmothers, co-workers, piano teachers, pastors please…anyone who has a voice. In the mean time, stay strong in mind and body and health. I gift you all peace and mud for making a mess.  ps. men can respond to, the topic, why are you a woman/what makes you a woman/ gynocentric woman-positive… pps. see three examples of cliterate responses, though not necessarily to the question, below. 1. a doodle in alphabet crayons woman smells heavenly cream on salt skin more cream saintly smelling like sweet cream on woman skin 2. Introduction to Ethics <1 .2.2007=""> I had a discussion with a woman, once, about bad education. Or maybe I had the discussion twice. Nonetheless, I've had the discussion about bad education with a woman, or women. We said, there's no music to this education; some days the harmonies are all cacophonous. Coughing phlegm on stiffies and calling it knowledge. Humph, we said, like camels, and giggled…like women do. We said our bad education doesn't listen, doesn't even know that harmonies like drumbeats exists in education. Our bad education insists our drums be quite in class, our class education be quite in drumbeats. My women and I talked about how real education requires fingers and toes. Peripheral collisions of sensory, quiet sensory of course, overtures of input that out bang our drumbeats. The female education needs sand between the toes, oceans to stick our fingers in, and well I don't need to get too detailed about what my women and I discussed. Most of it I couldn't say anyway, decoded giggles, long pauses, hair, fingernails, deodorant. But I discuss with my women, or my woman, when silence breaks into laughter, that nature of sitting up straight, shoulders back ears up legs…closed (a habit we all agree). When silence breaks into laughter, we say humph to this bad education, its time that our education was— do we really need to be introduced to ethics… Professor: Woman this is ethics. Ethics, woman.>

Im not worried, but it is a bit strange

So apparently, I'm a bit of a stern person. It's true. I'm not very patient, particularly with perceived laziness. But, I am very forgiving, well presumably. 

Funny story from seminar though, because usually such confessionals only happen at the bar after class. So, we are in the middle of a class discussion about the "difficulty" level of the readings. Which, I admit, had I not been working in literacy research for the past 3 years I may have found difficult as well. Various classmates were chiming in, and the facilitator asked if i had any input. No, i thought. And one of my most respected classmates, chimed in, "she's probably too busy holding us lesser mortals in disdain, for our simplicity." 

 Is it just me or is that a bit harsh? 

I had no emotional inclination towards any of them. I was just listening to and observing their behavior. Without judging. Or perhaps I was judging it as irrelevant or unimportant. I don't really hold people in disdain, nor do i spend very much if any of my time disdaining anything (except, as i have noted, laziness in myself and those around me). Anyway, i suppose i should put some effort into appearing more lighthearted and sociable (i thought that's what rugby was for)

Yoga like calm...or is that sleep deprivation

i 'wouldn't call myself sleep deprived in the least. in fact I'm diligently developing my talent for being able to wake up at whatever time i want. I just go to sleep and tell myself 6:43, then i picture the time as if i was looking at it on my clock, and next thing i know I'm waking up and it is the time on my clock...of course some times its a bit palindromic or dyslexic...3:46 or 4:36 but its close... So it project season. Generation just sent out its call for submissions on Friday. super exciting. im writing again, finally; that was a far too long silence, it was a weight after Kendall's death, in a way i didn't realize it would be...last term was a fight every step, then i went to see some other peoples projects (the STITCHES display at school, Jackie's couch book, Michelle's mission to cut her electronic ties, a film here, a new language there) and finally my own projects are waking up and having a good morning stretch. 

A new play, i just finished a book Miss Baker gave me, i will supply a review some other time tho, i've stopped drinking for a bit, perhaps till after my first rugby game...detoxing i guess. Started back at the gym, more physio but i haven't gone back to those women...they were too much for me, just fixing my knee on my own.

 Im going to go for acupuncture as soon as I accept the fact that Sun will put needles through the incision scars (which seems like the most painful think i can imagine at the moment, although my breasts are doing a good job challenging that thought). Oh and i made roast beef, to a resounding success, i think it must be that roasting pan, whatever i do in it turns out good... i may have nearly killed one of my Jade plants, it was thoroughly neglected, she's got a priority seat by the window now however, i wouldn't forgive myself for killing her in neglect. 

but i have been organizing my millions of photos and started photoshopping all those hundreds that needed a "touch up" i think i might get some images blown up for the walls...yeah, that would be nice. anyway, projects Ony, always only projects. picked up, and paid for.

academic seppuku

Because i am trying to learn more about Japanese culture, i have decided to commit academic seppuku to better understand how honour systems work. 

They say a Samauri struggles not just for excellence in his defence of his master, but excellence in all aspects of life. I agree, that such excellence is an honourable and noble venture, and so have decided that i will continue with my 5 course course load, not because i have five credits required to graduate (as it is i only need four) but because the fifth course with Jacobs seems totally wicked...eh hem. So i will strive for the same excellence i think most appropriate to the life of a wannabe samauri appreciater. however, should i fail in this attempt i have a mount of term papers and text books which i will launch myself off of...should be fun. So anyway. homework time. atta.

Things that make me happy

Laryngitis. Back to school homework. Creative writing class. Biking to school in the snow, when the snow stops 45 seconds after i have arrived (cause i love biking in the snow when it snows for weeks after i do it and i can sit in the office and watch it snow on the world and think i still get to bike home to hot chocolate in this). Working. 

being an asshole.

i should write

i think i should go ride the rocket around the city and do some writing. its time to remember this place. or well...yea it is time to write at least. stories about penguins, or memories, marriages or games. i'm not sure...well, lets go wake the janitor

Happy Fakemas

Well for all of you out there celebrating Christmas this year, have a good one and put on a little speed for those of us whose families unilaterally converted to another end of December celebration without notice or other such warnings. 

Thats right, this year the Clovis's are celebrating fakemas. Much like its commertial counterpart which celebrates the birth of Santa with icon like the Christmas tree, candy canes, stockings and tinsel, gift giving and general grinch-free activities (such as visiting friends and family) Fakemass too has certain iconic traditions. The first and probably most important is the replacement of the tree with a lamppost...year a Fakemas lamppost which is strung with lights, chocolates and a stolen sombrero that reads Viva Mexico. The lamppost is lit for only an hour a day because of its Fakemas cheer (and the fact that it is mounted with a straw hat) it is an extreme fire hazard to illuminate it for much longer. Of course the 27 years of Christmas tree decorations are not just left in the box this year, they have been hung from the fake ceiling to act as things to hit our heads on...should we need something for hitting a head on this Fakemas Season. (For those of you unfamiliar with what a fake ceiling is, it is what we CLovis's have come to love, after a freak 6 month demolition accident in the spring of 2001 the ceiling of the main living room was stripped leaving onl the rathers. After 2 years of aa rafter roof, mum decided rather than finishing the reconstruction with the traditional drywall or paint she would buy a great big piece of fabric and staple it to the rafters. A great effect if you need somewhere to hang transformed Fakemas decorations) Next the crowd pleasing favorite, christmas morning stockings, hae been held hostage with the following demands, the stockings wil be safely returned once one of the five Clovis Kids procures, for the prima genertura, at least one grandchild (so im sure ou can imagine it may be a while before we see stockings hung by the fakemas lamppost). Until this time, the hostage letter read, the stockings will be relegated solely to their offseason job as rugby socks. Next, instead of the traditional visit to the great aunts for christmas dinner, we will gather round the fakemas fire (made of candles) and eat fakemas dinner at home just the seven of us (plus any other loyal fakemas celebrators...namely Jane and her mum). Finally, the best part of Fakemas, instead of family feuding or fighting, instead of the complications of worrying who got what for whom, instead of wondering whether we want to hang out or get out, we all gather for meals and talk and chat and banter about all the things in the world (except paris hilton) that are worth discussing. From the A&E program on home renovation that promoted not getting building liscences, drinking and shooting at things with rifles, and drinking and driving, to the woman who gave birth to tripets from her two wombs (what thats crazy...i know) to the best ways to introduce waste management reforms across Canada, topics for discussion are usually humours and heartily enjoyed. So enjoy your Christmases and I suppose I'll have to take my Fakemas this year. The beginning of the new traditions. All the best Miss Clovis

sneige!!!! huzzah. December 4 is the greatest

procrastination

killing me....seriously. maybe its time to get back on the bike...oh rocko i miss you...even though we got to ride to school this morning...time for some more good music...or sigh some bad class...

St Valentine's Day Hair Massacre

http://www.active.com/donate/makeawish/daniellep

For the past 4 years, on Valentines day, the Make a Wish Foundation has been facilitating an amazing fundraising event. The Hair Massacre is a mass head shaving extravaganza to generate funds for the amazing Make-a-Wish foundation.

This year, my dearly nutty Danielle is going Blue and Blad for Make a wish!

Below is a link to her donation site, the plan to dye her hair blue for the next few months then join the several hundred other fundraisers in London to try as break the record for most heads shaved under one roof in one day. Last Year the Edmonton head shave had 849 people. London is looking to breaka that.

So check it out, and support Danielle in her awesome quest for Make-a-Wish

http://www.active.com/donate/makeawish/daniellep

accident

i walked down two flights of stairs today, by accident. i didn't realize what i was doing till i reached the bottom step and reached down with my right leg, supporting my full weight through my left leg. walking down stairs is a "week 6 at the earliest activity" my physio said. i don't really like her, she it too scared to work. Im not saying push my leg, i don't want to push my leg, i want to heal, i don't need to be in the olympics in august (though it would be cool). im saying work at the level my body is wanting to work at. I didn't even realize i left my cane at physio today till i got to the bus stop (5 min walk) and had to walk back to get it. I walked down two flights of stairs not thinking, okay lets see how we go but thinking, okay i can go the the grad house drop of my bag, then go pick up some dinner, then work on the couches manuscript. I do think its amazing, we measured this morning: 134 degrees flexion -3 degrees extension (im already hyperextending my knee) and tomorrow ill be three weeks post semitendenosis ACl reconstruction. My incisions are completely sealed, and scar tissue is starting to breakdown. inflammation is almost back to normal. There was some serious atropheeing of the quad and hamstring, but they are already coming back...the calf too. i can leg press 50 lbs 3x10 reps. balance on a wobble board on my operated leg. its been over a week since i took my last pain killer. i can bike to school. What a team i have in this healing. From the pre-op with all its positive energy, the team that had nothing but solutions and ideas. To my surgeon and his operating team. To the post op nurses who let my mum stay and help me through the hardest night of the whole process. To my brothers for providing a fabulous football game while I was to drugged to watch tv. To Nathan and Sean who came from Windsor to babysit, and Michelle who came for a sleep over. Julia, who provided my post-op on-call nursing. Margeurite, my amazing energizer, Healing Touch theraphist, who energized my body and environment, reminding me to stay centred calm and at peace. Dani for doing an application that prolly would have taken a week in one day. Nombuso and Annette for writing letters of ref with 3 hours notice. Mum and dad for driving me back to windsor. And here, my teachers for being patient with my convalescence, everyone for their love, support and get dancing soons. Its really just been a whole bundle of support for this poor little acl. its funny last june when i hurt it, its seemed like this would be a battle, an ordeal, and yet here i am healing as though im getting over a cold, not a surgery. anyway. Thanks everyone, i guess. Gotta pack up. its home time. lady m

Injury, recovery and patience

It seems that like you my faithful readers, i am learning about patience very quickly. Last Thursday I finally, thirteen months after initial doctor contact, had my ACL fixed up nice. The hole experience was exquisite. the doctors, nurses and various caregivers at the Wellsley Orthopedic hospital were just amazing (well not the post surgery nurses on the floor...they were nice but not very good...but thanks to my amazing mum they didn't have to clean up buckets full of vomit they induced). I'll talk about them later. But post op at home has been fabulous, mum and I have been up to all sorts of mischief, making hats that are too small for anyone, doing physio on the kitchen floor, going for very slow walks to the end of the drive way and back, teaching Shihera to appreciate laser technology, going for walks to the bathroom and up and down the stairs, and watching British comedies about widows doing things like opening theaters and growing pot. There's been tones of narcotic induced nightmares, hallucinations and other scary stuff. I think tylenol will give me nightmares for the rest of my life. Mum says it's like when i was a baby and never went to sleep...well i go to sleep now but i wake up about 70 minutes later each time. and do that about 12 times a day. Well last night i had a lucid dream and slept nearly 5 hours straight. I thought i was going to do that tonite too, but mum just made me an icecream sunday (yea sugar high) 

 But let me tell you, everything happens very slowly right now, sometimes i get excited and ahead of myself and am constantly have to remember, slowly Roo, be patient. Patience is a virtue that i only have for other people, but am quickly learning with myself. I have a healer in my care team (well my whole care team is made up of healers) but i have one in particular, who is giving me healing touch therapy. Wow. what an amazing talent she has. She has taught me so much about listening to my cells and body and talking with them. She has energized me so much to aid my healing at all levels from the inside out. But lots has been up, today i had an amazing show of support from Dani and Nathan to finish my JET application, as well as by Dr Dufresne from the CMHA and Nombuso in supply me with letters of support with 2 hours notice (thank you thank you to both wonderful women). I am so nearly graduated. Sigh. I am gearing up for a new edition of Generation. And Sebastien is playing in the Grey Cup on Sunday (17 BC). I touched base with a love from high school today, oh miss jack beautiful to chat again. See you Dec 8. And hmm i suppose thats enough for now. Have a night all (and not a nightmare)

so long a silence

man im just exhausted. Post to follow