I was reading about yoga competitions. In the first breath of the story I thought, Oh that sounds dreadful. Yoga isn't about competing. But, now, several months removed from the reading I want to revisit that sentiment.
It was pretty knee jerk, extrapolating my experience with yoga and assumptions about competition, I came to the conclusion that the two were incompatible, that to compete at yoga would be to do gymnastics or some other activity. But, now I think that to compete at yoga is to take your practice to a different level.
I think we always conclude that there are only losers in competitions. That even the top spot is someone only a future loser as someone breaks their records etc. But this is really just an amazingly temporally distorted bit of logic. We neglect all the benefits of competition for the one downfall that it is a temporal (necessarily as it is a thing of humans and we are temporal) and thus surpassable.
This is silly. Who gets down on life for being temporal? Who says really "no one gets out alive" thus we shouldn't make any more babies? Who suggests that things are only going to change so what is the point of learning to live now?
Competition is an amazing motivator that drives humans to try, to do, and to succeed at things they had not even imagined. When I think of Donovan Bailey's 9.84s 100m race I imagine, he never imagined what it would be like to travel 100m by foot in 9.84 seconds. How could he? He could have some conjectures about it, but no true imagining of it. And this is the wonderful gift that competition gives to us. It drives us to try and to succeed at things that we can't imagine possible.
It is that spirit of testing boundries and limits or out doing and out witting others and ourselves that drives progress, innovation and I believe evolution (or it will soon).
Without someone to race I am sure I will never run a 10k. I just don't care enough about running (I also don't really like running for longer than 20minutes unless there are tacklings to break up the monotony). What is more, I think, what's the point? But who knows what I will think, how my world view will be effected after I complete a 10k run...
I was listening to someone talking about competition being something that we shouldn't really engage because it breeds feelings of inadequacy, ill-will towards others and general feelings of discontentment. He suggested that competition was not good for our souls, in particular, and should be refrained from especially during holy seasons. But I have decided that I wholeheartly disagree. That in fact during holy seasons may be the best times for competitions for those of strong religious conviction. Those are the times that god is closest and most available. And I feel that everytime we do something we never imagines we are with god in that moment.
this post doesn't really make sense anymore...hmm anyway competition...yeah...we need to break it from its false association with failure, inadequacy and discontentment. It brings us progress and that is what i wanted to say about that.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
inadequacy and competition
Why do we automatically associate competition with feelings of inadequacy?
Friday, April 17, 2009
Something marvelous in Japan
I just had another marvelous morning, but I wanted to tell you about something marvelous. All winter I have marvelled at all the green deciduous trees. I thought, wow it is so warm here. In Canada all these leaves would have changed colour and fallen to the ground months ago. But there they were all winter keeping the trees green and beautiful.
Then for the past 3 weeks, or so, new everythings have been growing and many of the new leaves come in red, then change green after a couple of days. I thought it was marvelous how, in Japan, spring time is just like the fall. Except, instead of the leaves changing colour and dying, they are changing colour and then growing for a whole season. I thought it was very nice that the japanese get two autumn blazes a year. And thought about the implications of global warming in Canada, could we one day experience this too?
But then this morning I noticed that all the trees have turned red too. And their leaves are falling. It seems that instead of doing this in the autumn when it gets too cold in Canada, they do it in the spring when the tree is ready to put on a new coat.
Then for the past 3 weeks, or so, new everythings have been growing and many of the new leaves come in red, then change green after a couple of days. I thought it was marvelous how, in Japan, spring time is just like the fall. Except, instead of the leaves changing colour and dying, they are changing colour and then growing for a whole season. I thought it was very nice that the japanese get two autumn blazes a year. And thought about the implications of global warming in Canada, could we one day experience this too?
But then this morning I noticed that all the trees have turned red too. And their leaves are falling. It seems that instead of doing this in the autumn when it gets too cold in Canada, they do it in the spring when the tree is ready to put on a new coat.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Grapefruits are not a threat to society...
Well, I for one am relieved to know that grapefruit have been pardoned the onerous title "danger to society"...
It interests me that these fruit are called a threat because of their interaction with certain drugs that people take.
It has been shown that grapefruit will increase the stomach's digestive power, as a result pills taken orally will be broken down faster releasing higher doses of the drug they contain into the system. This release will supposedly happen at a higher rate as well. This can, of course, be hazardous, we all can imagine. Long gone are the days when we believed more is always better. (well maybe not long gone, most of us still believe more is better...well I do at least).
Anyway, it interests me that the fruit is called the threat and not the drug. Does something funny occur to you? It occurs to me. It's the fruit's fault that the drug doesn't work properly and therefore the fruit is a threat to society. But, why not say it's the drug's fault? I mean we have the power to change the drug to better suit the environments in which it is used. Why not say that pharmacologists who refuse to allow natural evolution of their products are a threat to society, for standing by products that don't suit the needs of users and endanger their lives...
There is this idea that all drugs work for all people and that people should change their lives to suit the drugs they are taking. But I think that is just wrong. Drugs are the ones that should change not us. And not fruit.
I don't like this growing culture of fear around food. We are training ourselves to believe food is dangerous, natural wholefoods are unpredictable and hazardous to our health regimes. That drugs are more important, and should thus be catered to, than a well-balanced fruit-filled diet.
I do think we should change our lives, many of us, but not to suit our drugs. We should change them to free us of the drugs we are on. To break our dependence on marijuana, on alcohol. To end our dependence on oral contraceptives, anti-cholesterol pills, caffeine shots and protein shakes. To bring down the culture of pain pill poppers and supplement takers.
Supplement yourself with whole and healthy foods, with good sleep, with invigorating exercise and engaging breathing. Depend on good friendships for highs and lows. Build up your self-esteem with positive thinking and self-affirming actions not gym memberships and powdered meals. Throw away your television. Just do it. And as for the culture of oral contraception. Learn how your body works and take responsibility for your actions. If you're having reckless one-night sex you should be using a condom anyway.
Just remember it is not the grapefruit that is the threat to society.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Nothing much
There isn't really anything on my mind. Just felt the blog was a little lonely. These days I am studying hard, playing outside all day from the moment I wake up until I have to fall down asleep. I am so excited for everything April has on tap. I hope my camera gets healthy again soon and even faster.
eep!
eep!
Friday, April 03, 2009
The benefits of planning a trip into space
The benefit of planning to take a trip into space is that it is a very expensive thing to do. If I wanted to go for a trip to the international space station right now I think it would cost $800,000. I don't really know...but I imagine that at some point I learned that was what a ticket costs. Well, it would take me, I think, about 20 years to save that much money (if I stop playing around in Asia and start doing the real money making work I have vaguely planned for my future childhood). So, I should get started.
But this is wonderful, because in 20 years it will only cost maybe $50,000 to go to the ISS, but I will have saved $800,000 so I will have lots of money for things I want to do. Or maybe, even though I thought I would only go to the ISS I will have enough to go to Mars or the Moon...or somewhere really cold like that.
But unfortunately, I don't think I will ever really save a lot of money, because I don't think I would like having a very high paying job. In monetary terms I don't consider anything I can do to be the kind of thing people should pay very much to have me do. And I don't like people paying more than they should for me to do things. And I would really rather climb to the top of every mountain on the planet (above and below sea level) before I would be very interested in going to the ISS. It sounds like a very expensive trip to the science centre without tesla coils and paper making activities...
But maybe I will pretend to be planning a trip to the ISS, just because it might cause an interesting conversation one day.
Happy Half Birthday
I especially love when my birthday is on a Friday, because it means my half birthday will also be a Friday. And I especially love Fridays when the "work" week started on Wednesday and that particular Friday is also my half birthday.
Sure, no one remembered, sent me a card or wrote me a song. I really don't mind. I woke up at the crack of...well shortly after the crack of dawn and my new lover was singing me a beautiful song. Something about a long sigh after three short peeps. Marvelous morning stuff. It was deliciously warm in my room, even though there was no heat on, meaning its spring spring spring into summer time!!
I jumped out of bed, my second favourite thing right after jumping into bed and jumping on the bed which are tied for first. I had some yummy brekkers, although there were no bananas. But I didn't let that interfere. I wrote a letter in japanese, but decided not to send it. Then, I cleaned my home and my soul and took a wicked trip to the gym. I ran 4.3kms in 5 minute splits. I registered for a marathon. Well a little marathon (10k is a lot to me though). Then sweated buckets with some lunges and squats and bridges.
I had a lovely lunch at work and then spent a few hours writing and daydreaming. Now I suppose I am teaching. Or I will be. I think i will pop out to the store and get cake to eat with my students.
Lovely!
Sure, no one remembered, sent me a card or wrote me a song. I really don't mind. I woke up at the crack of...well shortly after the crack of dawn and my new lover was singing me a beautiful song. Something about a long sigh after three short peeps. Marvelous morning stuff. It was deliciously warm in my room, even though there was no heat on, meaning its spring spring spring into summer time!!
I jumped out of bed, my second favourite thing right after jumping into bed and jumping on the bed which are tied for first. I had some yummy brekkers, although there were no bananas. But I didn't let that interfere. I wrote a letter in japanese, but decided not to send it. Then, I cleaned my home and my soul and took a wicked trip to the gym. I ran 4.3kms in 5 minute splits. I registered for a marathon. Well a little marathon (10k is a lot to me though). Then sweated buckets with some lunges and squats and bridges.
I had a lovely lunch at work and then spent a few hours writing and daydreaming. Now I suppose I am teaching. Or I will be. I think i will pop out to the store and get cake to eat with my students.
Lovely!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Practice never betrays you
So I am still mulling through this new information about the money system. I think it is very interesting. We are pretty mad and pretty upset, but I think it is unfair, and we shouldn't be. And I think this because of the fundamental nature of science and of evolution.
What does science have to do with greed or money or the crashing changing growing money system...maybe not very much. But I suspect that actually they have a great deal to do with each other. The pursuit of science, the pursuit of knowledge, like the pursuit of experience requires theories, requires experimentation, requires testing trying out and assessing predictions.
I want to believe that we are experimenting in capitalism, we are pursuing a science of monetary creation and accretion. That much like the Challenger or whatever space shuttle it was that blew up all those years ago, some experiments go very wrong, and at the cost of human lives...
I value life above all things (how can you not?), but I don't think that we should be afraid of loosing it. I see that this financial crisis is leading to suicides, murders, to cycles or depression and despair...because the experiment went wrong. We didn't use a good methodology and as a result missed important indicators that it was not a viable model. But I don't think that means we should follow the example set by the international space programs. It is a bad idea to stop pursuing the dream.
We are capable of doing a lot of things, and I know finding an effective wealth creation-distribution model is one of them (keeping in mind that this system isn't some kind of goal or destination but an ongoing experience). We shouldn't let the fear of extinction kill the process of evolution. Any process of evolution. We must work with that reality and with that goal...that extinction is a necessary part of life, in the same way that death is.
The world as I know it isn't fundamentally changing, because the world as I know it is one of fundamental change. There has never been a day in this life I haven't faced the challenge of change, and i wouldn't have it any other way. If you think the world doesn't change much or very quickly you are deluding yourself. Look at the evolution of the pre-frontal cortex. What is it about this memory storing part of our brains that it demanded the complete architectural overhaul of the human skull in the blink of evolutionary time?
It is very new that we have had the skills granted us by the PFC, we shouldn't be surprised that we aren't very good at using them, yet. So we should keep practicing. We should keep asking, testing, making and trying theories, we should keep on predicting and examining our predictions, because we will start getting it right more and more times...and then we will meet our antecessor...
What does science have to do with greed or money or the crashing changing growing money system...maybe not very much. But I suspect that actually they have a great deal to do with each other. The pursuit of science, the pursuit of knowledge, like the pursuit of experience requires theories, requires experimentation, requires testing trying out and assessing predictions.
I want to believe that we are experimenting in capitalism, we are pursuing a science of monetary creation and accretion. That much like the Challenger or whatever space shuttle it was that blew up all those years ago, some experiments go very wrong, and at the cost of human lives...
I value life above all things (how can you not?), but I don't think that we should be afraid of loosing it. I see that this financial crisis is leading to suicides, murders, to cycles or depression and despair...because the experiment went wrong. We didn't use a good methodology and as a result missed important indicators that it was not a viable model. But I don't think that means we should follow the example set by the international space programs. It is a bad idea to stop pursuing the dream.
We are capable of doing a lot of things, and I know finding an effective wealth creation-distribution model is one of them (keeping in mind that this system isn't some kind of goal or destination but an ongoing experience). We shouldn't let the fear of extinction kill the process of evolution. Any process of evolution. We must work with that reality and with that goal...that extinction is a necessary part of life, in the same way that death is.
The world as I know it isn't fundamentally changing, because the world as I know it is one of fundamental change. There has never been a day in this life I haven't faced the challenge of change, and i wouldn't have it any other way. If you think the world doesn't change much or very quickly you are deluding yourself. Look at the evolution of the pre-frontal cortex. What is it about this memory storing part of our brains that it demanded the complete architectural overhaul of the human skull in the blink of evolutionary time?
It is very new that we have had the skills granted us by the PFC, we shouldn't be surprised that we aren't very good at using them, yet. So we should keep practicing. We should keep asking, testing, making and trying theories, we should keep on predicting and examining our predictions, because we will start getting it right more and more times...and then we will meet our antecessor...
Friday, March 27, 2009
What is poverty?
I recently watched an interesting, oh what's the word for it, "special report" on the US housing industry and what many call the birth of the current "financial crisis". Now for some reason I am somewhat skeptical about the connection between the US housing crisis and the global financial "crisis." A skepticism that was further fuelled by this program, for, even though the show's thesis maintains that the housing bubble is what caused and catalysed financial crises around the world at the end of the show it shows that places like that Norwegian city that bought up badly rated CDOs didn't buy mortgaged backed CDOs...demontrating there is another very serious (maybe more serious) piece to this puzzle. Of course I don't really care about or understand money, so I can't suggest what it is...but I am interested in something Allen Greenspan had to say...
At the end of this program, titled House of Cards, Allan Greenspan suggests that it is human nature to be greedy and further that that nature, the drive for greedy, self-satisfaction, narcissistic endeavor, is what has brought millions out of poverty...
That sentiment hit me pretty hard. Like a slap in the face with a wet pickle by a rugby player named Laura Boghean. This idea that greed is what brings us out of poverty. If that is true, then I think we have unknowingly and fundementally redefined the word poverty. And I am sure this new definition won't stand.
The program goes a long way in demonstrating how we rethought what we meant by the "American Dream." An expression that once meant to prevail after years of struggle, toil, careful investment, pain-staking care and much sacrifice. In the program it is again and again used to mean having every material thing you always wanted...and having it before you are old enough to know what it is without sacrificing anything upfront (though we are all seeing there are big forced sacrifices in the long run).
So what do we mean by poverty? As Allen Greenspan uses the word, it can only mean not possessing much materially in the world. This is the same way President G.W Bush uses it. He sees only poverty as people not having as many lollipops as they want everyday. He sees it as people not owning homes, he sees not owning a home as the fundemental cause of every other social problem in America. This isn't poverty, is it? And if we believe this is poverty then we are the ones truly in poverty.
We are in a poverty of love, spirit, faith, knowledge or happiness. I can only imagine that living in a poverty of these 5 things is a truly sad and tragic thing that corrupts, denegrades and destroys our societies. I don't see how material poverty can cause these things without a greater poverty of the human needs. The only way material poverty can cause social corruption is if we believe that greed is what will bring us out of poverty. If we believe having things makes us happy, brings meaning into our lives... But this is the catch, if we believe and agree greed has this power it is because we live in a poverty of these 5 things.
If you have all the love, all the faith in life in your friends and family in everyday strangers, all the spirit and energy to pursue your life to experience use and generate happiness while people with pools and 6 gaming systems and two cars and machines that vacuum the house day and night might think you live in poverty in your 1 room apartment with mum and dad and 3 brothers but you wouldn't and shouldn't agree with them.
I guess that comes of living within my means. Of living temporarily. Of hoping in increments and preparing for things I want...rather than for taking things i want then having to work to pay for them. I agree that greed is one of the most effective eroding forces of western society. It is the vice over all vices that corrupts and destroys families, friendships, networks and the kinship of strangers. It works with great speed and greater effect than murder, sloth, lust, alcohalism or any vice you can conceive.
I am not trying to point us to some kind of social altruism, it has nothing to do with how we interect with each other, but how we live with ourselves. It has to do with learning how to appreciate and value at a greater level what we have, what we have worked for and things that we are willing to work for. We need to be willing to work for things.
I am sorry for the millions in the US and Canada citizens being thrown out of their homes. Not because they are being thrown out of their homes, but because they never had a chance to learn the value of what they had. They never learned how to be satisfied with what they work for. I am sorry for the people on wall street and the banks that went bankrupt in the way I feel sorry for soldiers with PTSD...I am sorry for people world wide loosing their manufacturing jobs, but I hope that they will find more meaningful ways to contribute to our society, rather than just making more stuff for us to want.
Greed is not the friend of poverty, but the enemy...greed doesn't bring us out of poverty; it drives us into it. But then what does Allen Greenspan know about anything anyway? His defense for why he is not guilty in allowing this problem, and in creating this problem, I didn't understand it...
At the end of this program, titled House of Cards, Allan Greenspan suggests that it is human nature to be greedy and further that that nature, the drive for greedy, self-satisfaction, narcissistic endeavor, is what has brought millions out of poverty...
That sentiment hit me pretty hard. Like a slap in the face with a wet pickle by a rugby player named Laura Boghean. This idea that greed is what brings us out of poverty. If that is true, then I think we have unknowingly and fundementally redefined the word poverty. And I am sure this new definition won't stand.
The program goes a long way in demonstrating how we rethought what we meant by the "American Dream." An expression that once meant to prevail after years of struggle, toil, careful investment, pain-staking care and much sacrifice. In the program it is again and again used to mean having every material thing you always wanted...and having it before you are old enough to know what it is without sacrificing anything upfront (though we are all seeing there are big forced sacrifices in the long run).
So what do we mean by poverty? As Allen Greenspan uses the word, it can only mean not possessing much materially in the world. This is the same way President G.W Bush uses it. He sees only poverty as people not having as many lollipops as they want everyday. He sees it as people not owning homes, he sees not owning a home as the fundemental cause of every other social problem in America. This isn't poverty, is it? And if we believe this is poverty then we are the ones truly in poverty.
We are in a poverty of love, spirit, faith, knowledge or happiness. I can only imagine that living in a poverty of these 5 things is a truly sad and tragic thing that corrupts, denegrades and destroys our societies. I don't see how material poverty can cause these things without a greater poverty of the human needs. The only way material poverty can cause social corruption is if we believe that greed is what will bring us out of poverty. If we believe having things makes us happy, brings meaning into our lives... But this is the catch, if we believe and agree greed has this power it is because we live in a poverty of these 5 things.
If you have all the love, all the faith in life in your friends and family in everyday strangers, all the spirit and energy to pursue your life to experience use and generate happiness while people with pools and 6 gaming systems and two cars and machines that vacuum the house day and night might think you live in poverty in your 1 room apartment with mum and dad and 3 brothers but you wouldn't and shouldn't agree with them.
I guess that comes of living within my means. Of living temporarily. Of hoping in increments and preparing for things I want...rather than for taking things i want then having to work to pay for them. I agree that greed is one of the most effective eroding forces of western society. It is the vice over all vices that corrupts and destroys families, friendships, networks and the kinship of strangers. It works with great speed and greater effect than murder, sloth, lust, alcohalism or any vice you can conceive.
I am not trying to point us to some kind of social altruism, it has nothing to do with how we interect with each other, but how we live with ourselves. It has to do with learning how to appreciate and value at a greater level what we have, what we have worked for and things that we are willing to work for. We need to be willing to work for things.
I am sorry for the millions in the US and Canada citizens being thrown out of their homes. Not because they are being thrown out of their homes, but because they never had a chance to learn the value of what they had. They never learned how to be satisfied with what they work for. I am sorry for the people on wall street and the banks that went bankrupt in the way I feel sorry for soldiers with PTSD...I am sorry for people world wide loosing their manufacturing jobs, but I hope that they will find more meaningful ways to contribute to our society, rather than just making more stuff for us to want.
Greed is not the friend of poverty, but the enemy...greed doesn't bring us out of poverty; it drives us into it. But then what does Allen Greenspan know about anything anyway? His defense for why he is not guilty in allowing this problem, and in creating this problem, I didn't understand it...
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Amazing life
I guess the weather just fills me with joy, but i don`t think i could have drempt up a better morning. Woke up with sun in my eyes around 715. It wasn't cold in my apartment so i could get out of bed and go pee without slippers a sweater and other warming agents. Birds were singing me love songs, inviting me to come and play so i went and did yoga in the park for an hour or so. I returned to have japanese breakfast provided by a students 98 year old great grandmother. And its only 10 to 9. I still have heaps of time for reading and writing before what maybe my most challenging day of teaching this year. 7-60 minute classes back to back.
I am excited to sleep like an angel tonite.
I am excited to sleep like an angel tonite.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Perspective
I had a couple pretty amazing experiences with perspective this weekend, that have got me thinking about the topic quite heavily. It started with a new sketch book. I finally finished the book of block, that is the book that has essentially held the entirety of my writers block over the past three years. Creatively, it is a pretty depressing book to look through, tons of pages of incomplete poems, stories, thoughts, ideas, sudokus, maps of places, plans, goals, drawings, grocery lists...you know the kind of things on puts in a sketch book when experiencing creative block.
Of course, the last two months worth of stuff shows a huge shift in my work, but that's only about 7 pages out of 200...but now I started a new one. And it was funny, looking at the first page and thinking about what to put there, I was afraid I was going to start panicking and I thought I will go back into the mode of self editing and creative abortion that formed the better part of the block. But before i had even started thinking these things I realized that i wasn't worried at all about what to put. I thought it doesn't really matter if it turns out really good, or really crap, or most likely somewhere in between those extremes. I just want to make something. I want to work on it and then some time later finish working on it.
I thought that was funny, because in that moment i came to realize that I wasn't afraid of blank pages anymore. And it was pretty cool. It was like when I came to realize I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore, or I wasn't afraid of people hearing me pee. And I never thought it was something i was afraid of, and if it was i never thought i would stop being afraid of them. And that got me thinking about I can...
I can't is the most dream defeating phrase in every language I have ever tried to learn. And that is because it reifies a temporal obstacle and makes us believe it may be an eternal blockage. We need to revolutionize this phrase and change it from I can't to Now I can't... I sort of always thought I can't means I never can...but that is my great error, and it is an error many of us make and I hope if you are still making it you heed what I have learned. That I can't only means in this moment I can't..but maybe with more heart and practice, with more support and strength I can one day.
I climbed a really steep mountain this weekend. With a child and two women. The child, like any child would, just wanted to go and go and go. She has not yet developed any sense for conserving energy. About 200m from the top, however, she reached her limit. Her legs were heavy from the climbing (it was in many parts a 60-75degree incline...totally wicked). She wanted to quit and stop. But I know how wicked it is at the tops of mountains so I told her to climb on my back.
I didn't know if I could carry her up 200m. In fact I was pretty certain I was as tired as she was. But I wanted her to make it. And I was up for the challenge. So I put my bag on her back and crouched for her. And it seemed that was enough. She sort of looked at me as if to say, "I am tired. I don't think I can keep going, but you would find the strength to carry me the rest of the way...well then I will find that strength too" And like a mountain goat she lit off up the last slope. We raced the last 50m and both fell down on the top of the mountain for feel how good it was to have made it.
Before that she didn't try to talk to me, nor I to her. But after I guess our relative positions changed and we did our best to talk.
Then their was the view of the world. At the top of the mountain there was only blue sky over head, as we has climbed up through the cloud that sits on the valley below, or so it felt. New mountains came into view in the distance and the sea too. I couldn't have imagined...but i can now. And I look forward to more things unimagined. And know they exist out there, just have to find them.
Of course, the last two months worth of stuff shows a huge shift in my work, but that's only about 7 pages out of 200...but now I started a new one. And it was funny, looking at the first page and thinking about what to put there, I was afraid I was going to start panicking and I thought I will go back into the mode of self editing and creative abortion that formed the better part of the block. But before i had even started thinking these things I realized that i wasn't worried at all about what to put. I thought it doesn't really matter if it turns out really good, or really crap, or most likely somewhere in between those extremes. I just want to make something. I want to work on it and then some time later finish working on it.
I thought that was funny, because in that moment i came to realize that I wasn't afraid of blank pages anymore. And it was pretty cool. It was like when I came to realize I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore, or I wasn't afraid of people hearing me pee. And I never thought it was something i was afraid of, and if it was i never thought i would stop being afraid of them. And that got me thinking about I can...
I can't is the most dream defeating phrase in every language I have ever tried to learn. And that is because it reifies a temporal obstacle and makes us believe it may be an eternal blockage. We need to revolutionize this phrase and change it from I can't to Now I can't... I sort of always thought I can't means I never can...but that is my great error, and it is an error many of us make and I hope if you are still making it you heed what I have learned. That I can't only means in this moment I can't..but maybe with more heart and practice, with more support and strength I can one day.
I climbed a really steep mountain this weekend. With a child and two women. The child, like any child would, just wanted to go and go and go. She has not yet developed any sense for conserving energy. About 200m from the top, however, she reached her limit. Her legs were heavy from the climbing (it was in many parts a 60-75degree incline...totally wicked). She wanted to quit and stop. But I know how wicked it is at the tops of mountains so I told her to climb on my back.
I didn't know if I could carry her up 200m. In fact I was pretty certain I was as tired as she was. But I wanted her to make it. And I was up for the challenge. So I put my bag on her back and crouched for her. And it seemed that was enough. She sort of looked at me as if to say, "I am tired. I don't think I can keep going, but you would find the strength to carry me the rest of the way...well then I will find that strength too" And like a mountain goat she lit off up the last slope. We raced the last 50m and both fell down on the top of the mountain for feel how good it was to have made it.
Before that she didn't try to talk to me, nor I to her. But after I guess our relative positions changed and we did our best to talk.
Then their was the view of the world. At the top of the mountain there was only blue sky over head, as we has climbed up through the cloud that sits on the valley below, or so it felt. New mountains came into view in the distance and the sea too. I couldn't have imagined...but i can now. And I look forward to more things unimagined. And know they exist out there, just have to find them.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
If I had a second chance...
Been a while. I have been writing and drawing and thinking a lot, but not blogging very much. I should do something about that....and so here I am. A blog about learning.
I am learning a lot these days. A lot about myself, which you would find boring, so I won't write about, and a lot about religion, which some might find taboo and controversial. But I have some funny stories on the topic to tell, and how they relate to learning.
So I met these nice men, and we frequently talk about religion together. They are pretty convicted, but they aren't bossy, which I find very unusual. It probably also explains why I enjoy talking with them. But they often suggest I pray for better understanding of various things. I personally am not such a fan of praying for things. I think we have already been given everything we need, want, hate etc and our only obligation is to offer eternal thanks for it. (see the comments made by the King of Eldorado in Candide by Voltaire). You can also see the prayer on Ethok about this. Even if there are things we think we need, I have found keeping a thankful mind and accepting our temporal condition is generally enough to take care of it. So I prayed to offer my thanks for the patience of men and for the strength I have found to ask questions and the determination I have found to genuinely seek out answers.
I think often of the days of the Philosophy Club at the Grad House, and how sometimes they questions posed were quite daunting and I would be too lazy, and unable to find the drive, to sort them out and find insights into them. But I am finding, much like going to the gym, day by day, bit by bit, my skills in pondering through a problem is getting stronger (like my abdominal muscles...i can almost do a full sit up these days...almost...talk about zero core strength)
And this is the thing. Maybe I was usually very grateful (secretly quietly and to myself) for the myriad of talents and gifts and good vibes and faults and misfortunes I possess. But I didn't put any effort into acknowledging that fact. And I think this led to feelings of regret, that somehow I was wasting talent, time, friendship and the like. And mostly because it was tiring and time consuming to be thankful and to offer those prayers of thanks. And because I thought I wasn't very good at it.
But what I keep running up against is this idea of "if I had a second chance..." And I have come to the conclusion that it is a nonsense thing to say. I feel that I am not very good at making music, and I want to be able to make music, not just listen to it...well then I should start practicing making music. I don't need to regret quitting piano, clarinet, viola, singing, guitar and whatever other music classes my parents were kind enough to fund for me. I want to be strong enough to dance like a ballerina...then I will start practicing, to build that strength. I don't need to regret screaming at the bar because Vince Parvel or whoever that ballet teacher was when I was 4 who scared me and made me never want to go back to another ballet lesson. I don't need a second chance, I have today, tonight, tomorrow and everyday to try, to build skill, to enjoy life.
And that is just one of the things I have been thinking about these days.
I am learning a lot these days. A lot about myself, which you would find boring, so I won't write about, and a lot about religion, which some might find taboo and controversial. But I have some funny stories on the topic to tell, and how they relate to learning.
So I met these nice men, and we frequently talk about religion together. They are pretty convicted, but they aren't bossy, which I find very unusual. It probably also explains why I enjoy talking with them. But they often suggest I pray for better understanding of various things. I personally am not such a fan of praying for things. I think we have already been given everything we need, want, hate etc and our only obligation is to offer eternal thanks for it. (see the comments made by the King of Eldorado in Candide by Voltaire). You can also see the prayer on Ethok about this. Even if there are things we think we need, I have found keeping a thankful mind and accepting our temporal condition is generally enough to take care of it. So I prayed to offer my thanks for the patience of men and for the strength I have found to ask questions and the determination I have found to genuinely seek out answers.
I think often of the days of the Philosophy Club at the Grad House, and how sometimes they questions posed were quite daunting and I would be too lazy, and unable to find the drive, to sort them out and find insights into them. But I am finding, much like going to the gym, day by day, bit by bit, my skills in pondering through a problem is getting stronger (like my abdominal muscles...i can almost do a full sit up these days...almost...talk about zero core strength)
And this is the thing. Maybe I was usually very grateful (secretly quietly and to myself) for the myriad of talents and gifts and good vibes and faults and misfortunes I possess. But I didn't put any effort into acknowledging that fact. And I think this led to feelings of regret, that somehow I was wasting talent, time, friendship and the like. And mostly because it was tiring and time consuming to be thankful and to offer those prayers of thanks. And because I thought I wasn't very good at it.
But what I keep running up against is this idea of "if I had a second chance..." And I have come to the conclusion that it is a nonsense thing to say. I feel that I am not very good at making music, and I want to be able to make music, not just listen to it...well then I should start practicing making music. I don't need to regret quitting piano, clarinet, viola, singing, guitar and whatever other music classes my parents were kind enough to fund for me. I want to be strong enough to dance like a ballerina...then I will start practicing, to build that strength. I don't need to regret screaming at the bar because Vince Parvel or whoever that ballet teacher was when I was 4 who scared me and made me never want to go back to another ballet lesson. I don't need a second chance, I have today, tonight, tomorrow and everyday to try, to build skill, to enjoy life.
And that is just one of the things I have been thinking about these days.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Now we all just know October babies are best
A new silly study out today suggests that babies born in late in summer and in the autumn are taller and stronger than children born in winter and spring. I know this is true as a northern hemispherian baby born in October, and I am very excited for Australia to peer review this study and find out that babies born in February to April in Australia are taller and stronger too.
That would be just lovely.
Also for people living in equatorial regions to find there is no difference in the hight of strength of their babies by month they were born...
That would be just lovely.
Also for people living in equatorial regions to find there is no difference in the hight of strength of their babies by month they were born...
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Children's lives "harder today"
According to a report just published by the something or other organization of non-sense writing in England, Children's lives are harder today than ever before. Nonsense!
On what do they base this claim, might I note here they are talking about British children exclusively, so we don't even get to touch with a ten foot pole poverty, starvation war or any of that stuff in making this assessment. The report claims that despite improvements in mortality rate, health care, education and having more possessions children's lives are more difficult that they were in the past. That children are less happy, and are less likely to grow into successful adults.
I think that may be the rub, that children are perhaps less likely to succeed these days makes us want to draw the conclusion that their lives must be more difficult. I don't understand how the 35,000 contributors to this report could be so dense. These contributors it seems have put a lot of energy into blaming failed marriages, single parents and materialism for these difficulties faced by our children. It claims that 1 in 3 children live apart from one birth parent by the age of 16.
I think this report has made an egregious error in concluding that decreased quantifiable by modern statistics successes is not necessarily correlated to increase difficulty. That in fact it may be quite the opposite that is true. That in fact children's lives are significantly less difficult than they have ever been to the detriment of their development. Every challenge and hardship has been removed from the path a child must walk to adulthood, even their autonomy in walking that path is constantly infringed on, they are given bikes so they don't have to walk, and rides and cars because they are told that even riding the bike is too difficult. They barely get to travel this path at all until they are finished legally becoming an adult and move away from their parents.
How can we learn if we don't experience failure, conflict, tribulation, confusion, discomfort and pain? I agree with Aristotle, that humans desire to know, we desire to learn as one of our primary and most fundamental desires, maybe even before we desire things or love or ham sandwiches. This is why before we know who anyone else is, we explore and test and try stuff. and it is stressful when we are thwarted in our pursuit of that desire. When we are trying to put a puzzle together and someone comes and does it for us, when we are testing out the effects of gravity and someone grabs our hand and carries us down off the jungle gym and yells at us. Good job you just ended the career of a would-be physicist.
We are stuck (as adults..which as we know are just tall-children holding a beer or something) in our fear of pain, our want to protect ourselves and others from experiencing it. It thwarts us, and causes us to thwart those around us. We are afraid our kids will cry, or break a bone, or loose and eye and be crippled, or even die. We are so afraid of that pain of that what if...
We must learn that it is okay to die. That crying is cleansing and learning. That bones heal and grow. That cripples (sorry for the blunt word if it offends you) are among the most able-bodied people you will ever meet. That they create amazing things, problems and solutions, philosophies and arts out of their "apparent" disadvantage. Some examples Beethoven (deaf), John Milton (blind, wrote Paradise Lost, The prophet Mohamed (illiterate), Carly (Autistic), Jason (Autistic), Brittany and Abigail (not crippled, but an amazing example of how children use challenges to thrive in life) and the list is unending. Adversity is one of life's greatest reasons to learn. And finally I am a firm believer that even what does kill us, makes us stronger. (earthquakes, accidents, old age, anger, war, crucifixion, marshmallows, grade 6, sit ups)
I keep meeting people who work with orphans or had some experience briefly with "underprivileged" children. And they always say things like, "you can't imagine how much light/ life/ vibrancy/ happiness/ curiosity/ intelligence/ resourcefulness blah blah blah is in these kids." I always asked, "why do you seem so surprised?" Of course I can imagine it, its when i meet kids how haven't even scrapped their knee and still have this aliveness that I am surprised. Kids who have never had to wonder if something bad could happen who can still learn how to build a soapbox racer.
Ken Robinson suggests that we are educated out of our imaginative capacities. That like Picasso said, all children are born artists, it is remaining an artist as you grow up that is the trick. I agree. you need to try, if you are to find a talent, and you need to practice if you are to succeed, but we are so afraid of failing, or of our kids failing that we give them learn to type games and Pokemon to entertain themselves until they are old enough to bugger off and get a job. Nonsense!
Children's lives are not harder today, they are more boring, less interesting, less challenging, less productive, less exploratory, less impossible. They are trapped by people with power who only know how to measure success quantitatively, but not qualitatively as it should be measured. And it is nonsense! Stop babysitting teachers! Stop babysitting parents. Stop babysitting children. Stop babysitting.
On what do they base this claim, might I note here they are talking about British children exclusively, so we don't even get to touch with a ten foot pole poverty, starvation war or any of that stuff in making this assessment. The report claims that despite improvements in mortality rate, health care, education and having more possessions children's lives are more difficult that they were in the past. That children are less happy, and are less likely to grow into successful adults.
I think that may be the rub, that children are perhaps less likely to succeed these days makes us want to draw the conclusion that their lives must be more difficult. I don't understand how the 35,000 contributors to this report could be so dense. These contributors it seems have put a lot of energy into blaming failed marriages, single parents and materialism for these difficulties faced by our children. It claims that 1 in 3 children live apart from one birth parent by the age of 16.
I think this report has made an egregious error in concluding that decreased quantifiable by modern statistics successes is not necessarily correlated to increase difficulty. That in fact it may be quite the opposite that is true. That in fact children's lives are significantly less difficult than they have ever been to the detriment of their development. Every challenge and hardship has been removed from the path a child must walk to adulthood, even their autonomy in walking that path is constantly infringed on, they are given bikes so they don't have to walk, and rides and cars because they are told that even riding the bike is too difficult. They barely get to travel this path at all until they are finished legally becoming an adult and move away from their parents.
How can we learn if we don't experience failure, conflict, tribulation, confusion, discomfort and pain? I agree with Aristotle, that humans desire to know, we desire to learn as one of our primary and most fundamental desires, maybe even before we desire things or love or ham sandwiches. This is why before we know who anyone else is, we explore and test and try stuff. and it is stressful when we are thwarted in our pursuit of that desire. When we are trying to put a puzzle together and someone comes and does it for us, when we are testing out the effects of gravity and someone grabs our hand and carries us down off the jungle gym and yells at us. Good job you just ended the career of a would-be physicist.
We are stuck (as adults..which as we know are just tall-children holding a beer or something) in our fear of pain, our want to protect ourselves and others from experiencing it. It thwarts us, and causes us to thwart those around us. We are afraid our kids will cry, or break a bone, or loose and eye and be crippled, or even die. We are so afraid of that pain of that what if...
We must learn that it is okay to die. That crying is cleansing and learning. That bones heal and grow. That cripples (sorry for the blunt word if it offends you) are among the most able-bodied people you will ever meet. That they create amazing things, problems and solutions, philosophies and arts out of their "apparent" disadvantage. Some examples Beethoven (deaf), John Milton (blind, wrote Paradise Lost, The prophet Mohamed (illiterate), Carly (Autistic), Jason (Autistic), Brittany and Abigail (not crippled, but an amazing example of how children use challenges to thrive in life) and the list is unending. Adversity is one of life's greatest reasons to learn. And finally I am a firm believer that even what does kill us, makes us stronger. (earthquakes, accidents, old age, anger, war, crucifixion, marshmallows, grade 6, sit ups)
I keep meeting people who work with orphans or had some experience briefly with "underprivileged" children. And they always say things like, "you can't imagine how much light/ life/ vibrancy/ happiness/ curiosity/ intelligence/ resourcefulness blah blah blah is in these kids." I always asked, "why do you seem so surprised?" Of course I can imagine it, its when i meet kids how haven't even scrapped their knee and still have this aliveness that I am surprised. Kids who have never had to wonder if something bad could happen who can still learn how to build a soapbox racer.
Ken Robinson suggests that we are educated out of our imaginative capacities. That like Picasso said, all children are born artists, it is remaining an artist as you grow up that is the trick. I agree. you need to try, if you are to find a talent, and you need to practice if you are to succeed, but we are so afraid of failing, or of our kids failing that we give them learn to type games and Pokemon to entertain themselves until they are old enough to bugger off and get a job. Nonsense!
Children's lives are not harder today, they are more boring, less interesting, less challenging, less productive, less exploratory, less impossible. They are trapped by people with power who only know how to measure success quantitatively, but not qualitatively as it should be measured. And it is nonsense! Stop babysitting teachers! Stop babysitting parents. Stop babysitting children. Stop babysitting.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I am Archie
Okay so i just woke up in the middle of the afternoon. Which I love doing because, especially when other people are around, although there wasn't any one else around in my case, but that is okay too, and i love it because you can make that squeelly noise that comes so naturally after a Sunday afternoon nap when you wake up and don't care cause you just had a delightful nap and now you are going to get up and have something to eat (like a sloth) so you go weeeeoooowweeee and stretch. Awesome.
And anyway, during my Sunday nap I had a great dream. Well it was a pretty sad scary dream but it was pretty good too, it was a comedy in the end.
The dream:
So I went home. and there was none of the preparing to go missing flights packing plants in never ending suitcases stuff, just I was home. And Tristan came home and gave me a big hug. And then i saw what looked to be a small child in a diaper skipping down the stairs into the basement of the Fallingbrook house so I chased it to find out was a small baby was doing walking, and inparticular walking down the stairs. Well when I caught him, he said in the squeeliest high pitched voice "I'm archie" and that was all. and then he tried to escape by turning into something like a email, and electronic signal, but I caught him in an answering machine. Cause I wanted to show Archie to the rest of the family. Then for a good bit of dreaming it turned into a nightmare with people trying to kill Archie and stop people from killing Archie. But then in the end it turned out it was a one word story that had been made by a chain letter or on facebook or something. And somehow I didn't question how i was in the story. I just was.
Then there was another dream about being at a Mormon fitness club. and somehow I got really dizzy and fell out on the pavement and had to get back in because my stuff was inside, but i had to tell them I was a member but my card was inside because i was dizzy and fell out of the gym onto the pavement. And the guy said that was fine he would just need to take my name, but then he turned into a lawyer and had all these faxes to send and receive, and they had a fax machine that could print and bind books as one whole thing. I have no idea how it did it. It was so cool to see the books come out just like a fax, but then I guess it was a dream so it doesn't every actually happen like that.
But I just remember that part where Archie said: "I'm Archie" very cute.
And anyway, during my Sunday nap I had a great dream. Well it was a pretty sad scary dream but it was pretty good too, it was a comedy in the end.
The dream:
So I went home. and there was none of the preparing to go missing flights packing plants in never ending suitcases stuff, just I was home. And Tristan came home and gave me a big hug. And then i saw what looked to be a small child in a diaper skipping down the stairs into the basement of the Fallingbrook house so I chased it to find out was a small baby was doing walking, and inparticular walking down the stairs. Well when I caught him, he said in the squeeliest high pitched voice "I'm archie" and that was all. and then he tried to escape by turning into something like a email, and electronic signal, but I caught him in an answering machine. Cause I wanted to show Archie to the rest of the family. Then for a good bit of dreaming it turned into a nightmare with people trying to kill Archie and stop people from killing Archie. But then in the end it turned out it was a one word story that had been made by a chain letter or on facebook or something. And somehow I didn't question how i was in the story. I just was.
Then there was another dream about being at a Mormon fitness club. and somehow I got really dizzy and fell out on the pavement and had to get back in because my stuff was inside, but i had to tell them I was a member but my card was inside because i was dizzy and fell out of the gym onto the pavement. And the guy said that was fine he would just need to take my name, but then he turned into a lawyer and had all these faxes to send and receive, and they had a fax machine that could print and bind books as one whole thing. I have no idea how it did it. It was so cool to see the books come out just like a fax, but then I guess it was a dream so it doesn't every actually happen like that.
But I just remember that part where Archie said: "I'm Archie" very cute.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Learning and studying
Happy January 20th. I think today is something special, but I don't remember. If it's your birthday, I'm sorry I forgot, but be sure I still love you.
On learning and studying.
My friend said to me, you never studied. I laughed and wondered what she was talking about because she was regularly there when I was studying.
I guess she meant I never studied by myself. To which I replied if I was doing it by myself she would have no way of knowing if or not I was doing it. But the truth is she was right, I don't think that during the years we were learning in close proximity to each other I ever did much studying.
I was never uncertain of what I had learned in school. So I never found any need to study it. I already knew it...why would I go about learning it again? I learned it during the teaching. My review usually consisted of taking note what part of what I had learned I would be expected to write about on the test.
For me a test was always a measure of what I had learned from a teacher. That is why no one else ever gave me tests. And so it would be in a way dishonest to study because for me it was about what I had already learned. And again if I had already learned it, why study?
You see you don't need to remember what you have learned. It is never forgotten. We don't study how to walk, we learn it, and then we don't forget it or it takes major brain trauma to forget...
School was amazing for me, because everyday I had at least 4 people who wanted to talk to me about things in the world. And I listened, I drank it up, because I knew so little about the world and well what else would I do, I was there, and they weren't going to stop talking. I think that is were I ran in to trouble in university (and with physics) the teachers didn't have things to tell me, just lists of things they thought I should study.
I didn't want to study.
I am not interested in studying. I never remember things I study, I never learn from it either. That is for sure. I think studying has all this metacognative stuff that goes with it, you have feelings and thoughts and opinions about studying. But you just learn. There is no feelings about it, it just happens. You know, do you have feeling about the fact that you know how to walk? or read? or know that spear toads have green blood. (did you know that? I did, but I don't any feelings about it. It is just something to say when I need to make a point) no, you just do it. that is because you have learned it, you don't need to think about it anymore.
I think I hardly notice when I am learning something. there is no metacognative activity when it happens. I was and am always doing something else when I am really being taught. Like a proper high school student, eating and drawing and saying eternally cool things, and making epoch changing decisions about how to talk to at lunch time and sitting on things that I would never sit on if I wasn't learning.
But this is how I feel today. That we study because we "have to" we are told to do it (and like it) so we go about it and never learn anything. Partly because it is impossible to learn something from yourself, if you manage to learn it from yourself it is because you already knew it and thus didn't need to study it in the first place. This is why I am not learning very much Japanese, because I have only studied it. Also because you study something because you are acutely aware that you haven't learned it yet, but if that is the case then how could you possibly learn it from yourself?
But I am not advising osmosis either. We have to be present, and active. I just don't want to study...that's all.
On learning and studying.
My friend said to me, you never studied. I laughed and wondered what she was talking about because she was regularly there when I was studying.
I guess she meant I never studied by myself. To which I replied if I was doing it by myself she would have no way of knowing if or not I was doing it. But the truth is she was right, I don't think that during the years we were learning in close proximity to each other I ever did much studying.
I was never uncertain of what I had learned in school. So I never found any need to study it. I already knew it...why would I go about learning it again? I learned it during the teaching. My review usually consisted of taking note what part of what I had learned I would be expected to write about on the test.
For me a test was always a measure of what I had learned from a teacher. That is why no one else ever gave me tests. And so it would be in a way dishonest to study because for me it was about what I had already learned. And again if I had already learned it, why study?
You see you don't need to remember what you have learned. It is never forgotten. We don't study how to walk, we learn it, and then we don't forget it or it takes major brain trauma to forget...
School was amazing for me, because everyday I had at least 4 people who wanted to talk to me about things in the world. And I listened, I drank it up, because I knew so little about the world and well what else would I do, I was there, and they weren't going to stop talking. I think that is were I ran in to trouble in university (and with physics) the teachers didn't have things to tell me, just lists of things they thought I should study.
I didn't want to study.
I am not interested in studying. I never remember things I study, I never learn from it either. That is for sure. I think studying has all this metacognative stuff that goes with it, you have feelings and thoughts and opinions about studying. But you just learn. There is no feelings about it, it just happens. You know, do you have feeling about the fact that you know how to walk? or read? or know that spear toads have green blood. (did you know that? I did, but I don't any feelings about it. It is just something to say when I need to make a point) no, you just do it. that is because you have learned it, you don't need to think about it anymore.
I think I hardly notice when I am learning something. there is no metacognative activity when it happens. I was and am always doing something else when I am really being taught. Like a proper high school student, eating and drawing and saying eternally cool things, and making epoch changing decisions about how to talk to at lunch time and sitting on things that I would never sit on if I wasn't learning.
But this is how I feel today. That we study because we "have to" we are told to do it (and like it) so we go about it and never learn anything. Partly because it is impossible to learn something from yourself, if you manage to learn it from yourself it is because you already knew it and thus didn't need to study it in the first place. This is why I am not learning very much Japanese, because I have only studied it. Also because you study something because you are acutely aware that you haven't learned it yet, but if that is the case then how could you possibly learn it from yourself?
But I am not advising osmosis either. We have to be present, and active. I just don't want to study...that's all.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
They can't even...
I remembered vividly tonight a lesson that I never believed I learned. Bev Hamilton told me a story about a school she put her son in, about a way of teaching without can'ts. A school where the student only "can do" things and each time he learns something new it is one more "I can". There is no negative connotation or knowledge of "I can't" in this school.
Well with the strange exception of the belief that the human soul can't travel faster than 60km/h...but we should allow for eccentricities.
Anyway, I thought the whole school was very strange, but now I think this is wonderful. Students are taught that each time they reach a barrier, limit, challenge they feel that can't do NOW, they should say to them selves. When I started here I thought I couldn't ___________________, and now I have done it. For example I thought I couldn't climb to the top of the jungle gym, and now i can. Then they say to them selves, now I think I can't overcome this task, so I will try, but it is okay if i can't do it now, i know that I can.
And moreover it isn't just the students themselves who promote and practice this thought pattern, to a much greater extent the teachers promote it, reminding students when they over come a challenge, and helping students recognize and appreciate (and be thankful for) their "I cans."
Particular this school works on integrating rather than segregating students. Exceptional kids (like Bev's son) work with regular kids and with other exceptional kids. So while Bev's son at 5 might look at himself and say I can read all the books in the book box. And then look at little ADHD Stevie and think he is so dumb because he can't. A teacher will intervene and say, when Stevie started here he couldn't sit still for five minutes and now he can sit and read a whole book.
In this way students are taught to see not what their classmates can't do, but what they can. What a marvelous lesson! To look at and examine what those around us can do. I have been practicing it recently, just quietly with myself, thinking about what i can do in class that I couldn't do in September. What I can speak and understand in Japanese that i couldn't do in August. And when i am frustrated with a student, I look at and remember what they can do, and refocus my energy into what we can do together.
Well with the strange exception of the belief that the human soul can't travel faster than 60km/h...but we should allow for eccentricities.
Anyway, I thought the whole school was very strange, but now I think this is wonderful. Students are taught that each time they reach a barrier, limit, challenge they feel that can't do NOW, they should say to them selves. When I started here I thought I couldn't ___________________, and now I have done it. For example I thought I couldn't climb to the top of the jungle gym, and now i can. Then they say to them selves, now I think I can't overcome this task, so I will try, but it is okay if i can't do it now, i know that I can.
And moreover it isn't just the students themselves who promote and practice this thought pattern, to a much greater extent the teachers promote it, reminding students when they over come a challenge, and helping students recognize and appreciate (and be thankful for) their "I cans."
Particular this school works on integrating rather than segregating students. Exceptional kids (like Bev's son) work with regular kids and with other exceptional kids. So while Bev's son at 5 might look at himself and say I can read all the books in the book box. And then look at little ADHD Stevie and think he is so dumb because he can't. A teacher will intervene and say, when Stevie started here he couldn't sit still for five minutes and now he can sit and read a whole book.
In this way students are taught to see not what their classmates can't do, but what they can. What a marvelous lesson! To look at and examine what those around us can do. I have been practicing it recently, just quietly with myself, thinking about what i can do in class that I couldn't do in September. What I can speak and understand in Japanese that i couldn't do in August. And when i am frustrated with a student, I look at and remember what they can do, and refocus my energy into what we can do together.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I want to write
I want to write, and this kept turning into a story so I had to move it onto "Without Ethnicity" the nonfiction blog...uh I mean the fiction blog...this is the one for nonfiction...
So today`s topic: action, agency, activity and the letter A.
I don't have many books, but for some reason, that I haven't quite sorted out yet, the Book of Mormon is among the books I do have. So, for lack of something more stimulating, I was reading a little theology today and thinking about action and agency. I am thinking about what motivates us to move or act or do or try things in our lives. And after a lot of thinking about the question of why...why does fear motivate us, why does love motivate us, why does public opinion motivate us, why does a gym membership not motivate us, why should i keep reading this book, why should i write a new story, why shouldn't i cry it is tuesday...I was never much good at Tuesdays ... these kinds of whys, I think that why doesn't really matter.
I think it is time to stop needing reasons to act.
In a way this compulsive justification is stiffling our freedom to act as free and autonomous beings. I used to write because i was justified in writing. I had to write an assignment, I had to find out what a game was called, I had to tell someone a good recipe for a ham sandwich, I had to had to had to. i had so many reasons why i should, could, would, and did write. And then, I think, one day those reasons disappeared. And this became the first step in my great block.
I didn't think I had a reason to write. I didn't think I had something to say, didn't think I wanted to. I graduated, so I didn't have professors to read my writing. I have told the world about ham sandwiches. I got rejected by a couple journals (rejection sucks) and was just left with you (friends and strangers) -- and you are very busy people I shouldn't write you things to read unless they are very funny or important or or or-- and I didn't think you really wanted to read my writing. and even less want to talk about words written in a fictional space. So the block grew bigger.
And it grew and grew and I started to feed it, and I had really great justifications for why i didn't, couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't write. And i started scratching out big crosses and black marks in my writing, every time i wrote anything it became a big hole of frustrated justification.
And then, I don't know why, but it stopped mattering. All the editing and self aborting ideas stopped being aborted, and now i am running out of notebooks. But its all poetry now, so I think Splot is going to get pretty quite now. Don't worry I haven't gone far.
So today`s topic: action, agency, activity and the letter A.
I don't have many books, but for some reason, that I haven't quite sorted out yet, the Book of Mormon is among the books I do have. So, for lack of something more stimulating, I was reading a little theology today and thinking about action and agency. I am thinking about what motivates us to move or act or do or try things in our lives. And after a lot of thinking about the question of why...why does fear motivate us, why does love motivate us, why does public opinion motivate us, why does a gym membership not motivate us, why should i keep reading this book, why should i write a new story, why shouldn't i cry it is tuesday...I was never much good at Tuesdays ... these kinds of whys, I think that why doesn't really matter.
I think it is time to stop needing reasons to act.
In a way this compulsive justification is stiffling our freedom to act as free and autonomous beings. I used to write because i was justified in writing. I had to write an assignment, I had to find out what a game was called, I had to tell someone a good recipe for a ham sandwich, I had to had to had to. i had so many reasons why i should, could, would, and did write. And then, I think, one day those reasons disappeared. And this became the first step in my great block.
I didn't think I had a reason to write. I didn't think I had something to say, didn't think I wanted to. I graduated, so I didn't have professors to read my writing. I have told the world about ham sandwiches. I got rejected by a couple journals (rejection sucks) and was just left with you (friends and strangers) -- and you are very busy people I shouldn't write you things to read unless they are very funny or important or or or-- and I didn't think you really wanted to read my writing. and even less want to talk about words written in a fictional space. So the block grew bigger.
And it grew and grew and I started to feed it, and I had really great justifications for why i didn't, couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't write. And i started scratching out big crosses and black marks in my writing, every time i wrote anything it became a big hole of frustrated justification.
And then, I don't know why, but it stopped mattering. All the editing and self aborting ideas stopped being aborted, and now i am running out of notebooks. But its all poetry now, so I think Splot is going to get pretty quite now. Don't worry I haven't gone far.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
The last
So long a silence. I've been blocked. By fear. and a certain lacking of bravery. and a Japanese internet company that didn't want me accessing the internet when in such a shy state.
Anyway. Canada didn't suffer the coup d'etat. Shame. but its a good thing. We chose the more rational calm path of suspending parliment. Waiting and deliberating a bit before we make the easy move.
That's what i want to talk about today. it's funny to say that ending something is the easy move. That choosing to walk away, to over throw the government is the easy choise. But it is. Its far easier to say its all rubbish, throw it all away, than to admit our mistakes, than to try things we doubt we have the bravery to do.
I thought i would just quit on Monday. Say I can't do it. I can't make a life here. And i should go back to Canada, where at least i don't have the excuse of a language barrier stopping me from doing what I want with my life. Then i wondered about what i wanted to do. I didnt come up with much, so then i got depressed. Then i started looking for things to blame, the language, the food...the shy people and it occurred to me that i myself hadn't really even tried to go out. to try to do things i might enjoy. I was waiting for someone to pick me up and take me there. take me to something i would like to do. To introduce me and make me go.
And i thought about the piano concert. About the lesson there...I went to a masterful performance of Chopin on piano, and half the audience was asleep. it occurs to me that you, as a performer, cannot force the audience to stay awake. this isnt even like or dislike, but you can force them to even listen to you. All you can do is invite them. All you, the performer, can do is be there doing something you want to do. If that is play Chopin, or breathe deeply, or watch dancers, or listen to good music, or sing, or travel, or take pictures, or write love letters...that is all you can do.
And that, I think, is enough. Even if I do it alone, I can go out to a cafe. I like Cafes, the smell, the noises, the music... And even if i don't fall in love while I'm there, or write a great novel, or get a dream job, or muse quietly to myself... Even if it ends in awkward silence, I can start a conversation. Even if they don't become boon life companions, i can make a casual friend. i can invite them to come in for tea, or to a movie, or to a cafe...
Even if I'm scared that it will cause pain, that it won't make my life better, that I won't make other peoples lives better...the truth is just be living bravely, but trying to interact with the world it can only create good...i hope. I love you all. have a wonderful new year.
Anyway. Canada didn't suffer the coup d'etat. Shame. but its a good thing. We chose the more rational calm path of suspending parliment. Waiting and deliberating a bit before we make the easy move.
That's what i want to talk about today. it's funny to say that ending something is the easy move. That choosing to walk away, to over throw the government is the easy choise. But it is. Its far easier to say its all rubbish, throw it all away, than to admit our mistakes, than to try things we doubt we have the bravery to do.
I thought i would just quit on Monday. Say I can't do it. I can't make a life here. And i should go back to Canada, where at least i don't have the excuse of a language barrier stopping me from doing what I want with my life. Then i wondered about what i wanted to do. I didnt come up with much, so then i got depressed. Then i started looking for things to blame, the language, the food...the shy people and it occurred to me that i myself hadn't really even tried to go out. to try to do things i might enjoy. I was waiting for someone to pick me up and take me there. take me to something i would like to do. To introduce me and make me go.
And i thought about the piano concert. About the lesson there...I went to a masterful performance of Chopin on piano, and half the audience was asleep. it occurs to me that you, as a performer, cannot force the audience to stay awake. this isnt even like or dislike, but you can force them to even listen to you. All you can do is invite them. All you, the performer, can do is be there doing something you want to do. If that is play Chopin, or breathe deeply, or watch dancers, or listen to good music, or sing, or travel, or take pictures, or write love letters...that is all you can do.
And that, I think, is enough. Even if I do it alone, I can go out to a cafe. I like Cafes, the smell, the noises, the music... And even if i don't fall in love while I'm there, or write a great novel, or get a dream job, or muse quietly to myself... Even if it ends in awkward silence, I can start a conversation. Even if they don't become boon life companions, i can make a casual friend. i can invite them to come in for tea, or to a movie, or to a cafe...
Even if I'm scared that it will cause pain, that it won't make my life better, that I won't make other peoples lives better...the truth is just be living bravely, but trying to interact with the world it can only create good...i hope. I love you all. have a wonderful new year.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
A Novel Idea Canadia...
Okay fine, Dion, Layton, et al. You have lost confidence in the government. As has most of the disenfranchised population of Canada...uh...wait a moment...you are the government. So you have lost confidence in yourself and are therefore agreeing to get along to put yourself in the top spot...um...okay that is creative. I give it 8 points for style (and 2 for Jack Layton's Johnny Hancock).
In simple terms its a great idea, parties with different platforms agreeing to work together to find ways to bring up and empower our country! Rock on! I love it. It is so Canadian. It reflects beautifully on how democracy (not political democracy, but the democracy of life) works in Canada. All over the country divergent groups work in so many different ways (at hospitals and schools, in the entertainment industry, in the factories and on reserves) to help bring up and bolster our beautiful home.
But I have an even better idea...why not recognize and include the whole of the government you have lost faith in. Why not ally with the conservatives, use all the elected officials and rather than throw out the government, throw out the opposition.
Who needs an opposition anyway. I understand that its supposed to be a check and balance to be sure that decisions affecting Canada aren't made in haste without proper thought for all the implications and possible alternatives...but come on...We have been in a political stalemate for half a decade now...Canada is stuck because no one (not one leader in the opposition or in the current government) is fit to represent all Canadians. But we must be represented, we need our government to help spend our money and make our lives compicated so we have a reason to watch the news or something to talk about at the office.
Really, it is high time for political revolution. But rather than throwing out the old, lets shape it up, let's ally our whole government to one purpose (not multiple campaign platforms, not empty election promises) to serve the interest of our country. To build up foundations that will see Canadian prosper, not economically we have plenty of money even if on paper it looks like less money than this time last year, but morally, socially, let Canadians prosper as a people. Let our health prosper. Let our hearts and minds prosper. Let our whole government be one team.
Suggestions of how to do this. The PM should appoint Cabinet ministers from the whole government, not just his own party; every Cabinet should have some members that are of each political persuasion; rather than having strict seating, you sit with your party, have people sit freely with whom they wish to speak most closely to; and encourage the flinging of marshmallows during session. its the only way. well thats my dream anyway.
In simple terms its a great idea, parties with different platforms agreeing to work together to find ways to bring up and empower our country! Rock on! I love it. It is so Canadian. It reflects beautifully on how democracy (not political democracy, but the democracy of life) works in Canada. All over the country divergent groups work in so many different ways (at hospitals and schools, in the entertainment industry, in the factories and on reserves) to help bring up and bolster our beautiful home.
But I have an even better idea...why not recognize and include the whole of the government you have lost faith in. Why not ally with the conservatives, use all the elected officials and rather than throw out the government, throw out the opposition.
Who needs an opposition anyway. I understand that its supposed to be a check and balance to be sure that decisions affecting Canada aren't made in haste without proper thought for all the implications and possible alternatives...but come on...We have been in a political stalemate for half a decade now...Canada is stuck because no one (not one leader in the opposition or in the current government) is fit to represent all Canadians. But we must be represented, we need our government to help spend our money and make our lives compicated so we have a reason to watch the news or something to talk about at the office.
Really, it is high time for political revolution. But rather than throwing out the old, lets shape it up, let's ally our whole government to one purpose (not multiple campaign platforms, not empty election promises) to serve the interest of our country. To build up foundations that will see Canadian prosper, not economically we have plenty of money even if on paper it looks like less money than this time last year, but morally, socially, let Canadians prosper as a people. Let our health prosper. Let our hearts and minds prosper. Let our whole government be one team.
Suggestions of how to do this. The PM should appoint Cabinet ministers from the whole government, not just his own party; every Cabinet should have some members that are of each political persuasion; rather than having strict seating, you sit with your party, have people sit freely with whom they wish to speak most closely to; and encourage the flinging of marshmallows during session. its the only way. well thats my dream anyway.
Friday, November 14, 2008
the epoch changer
I find it interesting that Mr Obama is being called an epoch changer, when he hasn't done anything. It is the "we the people" who should be getting credit for this positive vote on epochal changing...it is the citizens of America who chose to vote, and who chose to vote for a democrat who have instigated the possible change we see looming like a great lumbering shadow.
I forgot about shadows for a while.
I forgot about shadows for a while.
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