Busan the balancing city of the south

What an appropriate weekend vacation, That felt like a month-long retreat in my physical, emotional, spiritual being! I travelled with some friends to the south coast of Korea for a surfing adventure in Busan. And in three short days I feel like I have rejuvenated my mind, body and spirit with months of meditation, relaxation and stress/worry free living.

I am definitly taking pages out of this weekend's diary to help me reorganize the next two months of potential anxiety. The choice between staying and going has been on my mind for months. Since I arrived in Korea, I have battled with myself over whether to stay here or not. I have embrassed so much here and been shy of many other things because of the fear of estabilishing attachments I intend to break. And in the past two months I have had dreams and nightmares almost nightly over the decision to stay where I am, to explore here more, or to move on to Japan. About two weeks ago I made my decision, and it seems since then all parties on all sides of that decision have been trying to convince me otherwise.

It is a hard decision to make, and even more difficult to explain. It doesn't mean staying or going, but my decision is to act in ways to fulfil my desires. And it is hard when I am constantly butted with the wishes and desires of others. I like to make people happy. I like to help others fulfil their dreams. It is one of the greatest joys of my existance. I like to help others succeed, and if I believe my presence can do that, it is hard for me to withdraw.

Anyway, this weekend let me finally feel free to make my own decision. I was finally free to enjoy my life today and not worry and agonize over tomorrow. What I can do tomorrow to help those around me feel the joy of this life will be sorted when tomorrow becomes today.

It's not that it was breath-takingly beautiful, or that I had an epiphany, or that it was mind-blowingly awesome, it wasn't an adventure to end all advenutres where friendships and loves were forged stronger than ever before. It was just a weekend, in another country, in a different place. Surrounded by the familiar and unfamiliar. Water and air, cars and people, music and earth, couples shirts and bikinis, skinny dipping and hypothermia. Just a weekend away.

And I think the turning point was this hanja (kanji...). Which has appeared several times in the past few weeks. But, I saw it again this weekend and it just made sense. It just looked balanced. It, I guess, has many meanings but literally can be the middle. Our centre, our in between, the division in half, half way...this sort of stuff. 중 or naka in Korean and Japanese...But it also looks like a dragonfly. An important symbol of balance, guidance and fear of the unknown. It just looks right. and it's a great meditation point for me. i think.

So there it is. Balanced. Centred. So stop asking about what I am going to do. I am living. And it feels good.