I was just catching up on the goings on in my hometown of Toronto from CBCs lovely news website. I was shocked to read some of the comments that people had written. Reading the news can be a pretty hot blooded activity, we hear bits and pieces about what is happening in the world, and often it can leave us feeling out of the loop and disempowered, since we can only read about these things but not interact with them at any other level.
In particular, I was reading about a recent case in Toronto where EMS workers failed to respond to an emergency fast enough, and sadly the man in need died. In the case, according to the report, the EMS workers had been told the patient might be drunk and might be difficult. Thus they made the decision to use caution and wait for a police escort.
This is protocol. EMS workers are not heroes for hire. They are Emergency Medical response workers. Their training is to help with medical emergencies. Not to endanger themselves. That would be reckless, and how could we insure our EMS workers health and safety if there were no protocols about entering possibly dangerous situations. So their decision to wait was the right one, given the information made available to them.
Sadly, in this case, this delay may have lead to a man's death (though it is possible he would have died even with EMS intervention).
I was the responses from the readers. Many calling for the EMS workers to be fired, to have criminal charges laid on them, and so on. Is this in any way reasonable? I mean the person who called 911 should be partial responsible in that case, since they provided information that lead to the caution.
But what really surprised me was this comment: "I wish the CBC would demand the release of all the 911 and internal audio recordings so that we can hear for ourselves what actually happened."
I don't see why we need to 'hear for ourselves' what happened...do you have nothing better to do with your time that listen to a dying man's call for help? Talk about an invasion of privacy! I know we feel disempowered by not having been there to make things turn out better. But reliving it isn't going to do anything about it. Why not read the story and feel the remorse those workers must feel, having lost a patient? Why not read the story and reflect on our own outbursts of anger or aggression? Why not read the story and think about how we can, in our lives, help create and maintain safe environments so that when we need help, those with the power to help can get to your side to offer their help?
I think its time to leave facebook. You know. We are forgetting what it means to have privacy.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
An apology worth reading
I find apologies usually are worth reading. There is something in the act that affirms ones hope in the prospect of the Good, in the platonic sense.
Today the co-leader of the Toronto 18 apologised for his actions and his intentions in the 2006 plots to attack the cities of Toronto and Ottawa. In his apology he showed how he recognized not only were his actions that of a sociopath, but that they ultimately harmed the people he was most hoping to help, his fellow Islamic community. That his actions, and the actions of his group, only brought more suspicion, bias and hate on his community.
He also asked that we not believe his apology until its words were tested in action.
I think it was a very beautiful thing.
One, that he has accepted that he was mistaken and apologized for it. But that it was by being held in correctional facilities that he found out how to correct his thinking. In the article accompanying the story it explains how he met inmates who stood to have lost family members had he been successful in his plot, he also met Jewish inmates whom he befriended, recognizing that had they been in Palestine they would have killed each other without ever knowing what good friends they could have been had they only had the chance to talk.
This is the beautiful thing. Humans taking the chance to talk and recognizing other humans.
I hope Mr. Amare is given a life sentence. And that in his time in correctional custody he is used as a teacher, a negotiator and a campaigner for community and communication across community in Canada. For he has learned, and perhaps can show others, how just meeting someone new, someone different can change your life and can show you where your views must fit in a broad complex and multi-dimensional understanding of life here in our community.
Today the co-leader of the Toronto 18 apologised for his actions and his intentions in the 2006 plots to attack the cities of Toronto and Ottawa. In his apology he showed how he recognized not only were his actions that of a sociopath, but that they ultimately harmed the people he was most hoping to help, his fellow Islamic community. That his actions, and the actions of his group, only brought more suspicion, bias and hate on his community.
He also asked that we not believe his apology until its words were tested in action.
I think it was a very beautiful thing.
One, that he has accepted that he was mistaken and apologized for it. But that it was by being held in correctional facilities that he found out how to correct his thinking. In the article accompanying the story it explains how he met inmates who stood to have lost family members had he been successful in his plot, he also met Jewish inmates whom he befriended, recognizing that had they been in Palestine they would have killed each other without ever knowing what good friends they could have been had they only had the chance to talk.
This is the beautiful thing. Humans taking the chance to talk and recognizing other humans.
I hope Mr. Amare is given a life sentence. And that in his time in correctional custody he is used as a teacher, a negotiator and a campaigner for community and communication across community in Canada. For he has learned, and perhaps can show others, how just meeting someone new, someone different can change your life and can show you where your views must fit in a broad complex and multi-dimensional understanding of life here in our community.
How much can you mourn a pet?
There was an interesting article in the news this morning about mourning, following former British politician, Lord Hattersley's, letter of his grief at the loss of his pet dog.
I thought this to be a very striking article, both the article itself and the comments that accompanied it from readers. I was very surprised by it, but also quite struck. I myself still have a cat who my family adopted when I was 4 or 5. We are now both in our twenties. Of all the members in my family Cocoa (the cat) hung out with me the most. We had a very close friendship growing up. When I called her, with a whistle, she would come in a minute. But my dad or brothers or any of my other family could rarely get her to come. I was also the only one who could pick up the feisty cat.
When I left home to start university, Cocoa started mourning my loss. She cried (or mewed as a cat will do) all day, she stopped eating and drinking. She is a small cat but lost nearly 3lbs over the first 2 months I was a way at school. She didn't know I was just at school, for her it was the same as a death. I was gone. As far as she knew, never to return. From that experience I am quite struck by the fact that animals are just as emotional as humans.
And this is the part that I think makes mourning a pet so difficult. No one could tell her I was just gone for a little while and I would be back. No one could help comfort her that it was okay to miss me. There was little consolation for her. And yet, whenever I was sad, she knew just how to tell me it would be okay, just how to help me put things in perspective. In the article, it was noted by Lord Hattersley that when his father died his dog was there to help him mourn. But now that his dog has died, there is no one there to support him.
I think that mourning a pet is so difficult because we can't speak with them to be sure they know how much we love them. We can tell them, and they show us affection in return, but we are so unsure of the nature of the relationship. But there is also what a pet gives us. They bring regularity and continuity to our lives, we have to feed them, walk them, play with them and that doesn't change (much). They are that friend who invites you out for a drink or a coffee after a break up. They help take your mind off your sadness in a way that few humans have the compassion to do for their friends or family, in a way few humans even recognize as important. Not to rag on humans. Many humans regularly fill this role too.
The article also talked about people being more affected by the death of a pet, than by the death of a mother or father. I thought that singularly interesting. I don't know, as my parents are young and healthy so I haven't had to mourn their deaths (and hope I won't for many years), but I think as we get older we drift apart from out parents. From childhood where we spend all day everyday with them, to adulthood where we spend weekends, to older age where we see them at holidays... our parents in many many cases become less of a companion to us as we grow older. But quite the opposite happens with a pet. We say "Familiarity breeds contempt" and with human relationships this is often true. But not with animals.
Further, an animal is not family like a parent or sibling, but family like a husband or wife. You chose to bring the pet into your life. At first you were strangers, but you brought your different life experiences together. So I think the mourning would be more similar to the mourning of a partner than a parent. Again I haven't had to mourn the death of a partner, but I have had to mourn (grieve) the end of a long term (well relatively long term considering my age...) relationship. And even that hurts, and takes a lot of work and time to heal from. And like the death of a pet, perhaps it is a hurt and a healing that is rarely recognized by others.
Now the article talks about taking a day off to grieve and such, which may be over the top. But I think like anything so long as it is only one day. My grandmother said, many times during her life; "When I die, you get one day to mourn. And then take out your glad rags and celebrate. Because I had a good life." And I think this was very good advice. Whether for our dear Ursula, for a pet, a parent, an end of a marriage, or an end of a friendship. We should take a day to remember that good life we had, to grieve our loss and to find a new perspective to continue our life. But then we must take out our glad rags, because like it or not, we must all live even after the loss or death of the ones we love.
I thought this to be a very striking article, both the article itself and the comments that accompanied it from readers. I was very surprised by it, but also quite struck. I myself still have a cat who my family adopted when I was 4 or 5. We are now both in our twenties. Of all the members in my family Cocoa (the cat) hung out with me the most. We had a very close friendship growing up. When I called her, with a whistle, she would come in a minute. But my dad or brothers or any of my other family could rarely get her to come. I was also the only one who could pick up the feisty cat.
When I left home to start university, Cocoa started mourning my loss. She cried (or mewed as a cat will do) all day, she stopped eating and drinking. She is a small cat but lost nearly 3lbs over the first 2 months I was a way at school. She didn't know I was just at school, for her it was the same as a death. I was gone. As far as she knew, never to return. From that experience I am quite struck by the fact that animals are just as emotional as humans.
And this is the part that I think makes mourning a pet so difficult. No one could tell her I was just gone for a little while and I would be back. No one could help comfort her that it was okay to miss me. There was little consolation for her. And yet, whenever I was sad, she knew just how to tell me it would be okay, just how to help me put things in perspective. In the article, it was noted by Lord Hattersley that when his father died his dog was there to help him mourn. But now that his dog has died, there is no one there to support him.
I think that mourning a pet is so difficult because we can't speak with them to be sure they know how much we love them. We can tell them, and they show us affection in return, but we are so unsure of the nature of the relationship. But there is also what a pet gives us. They bring regularity and continuity to our lives, we have to feed them, walk them, play with them and that doesn't change (much). They are that friend who invites you out for a drink or a coffee after a break up. They help take your mind off your sadness in a way that few humans have the compassion to do for their friends or family, in a way few humans even recognize as important. Not to rag on humans. Many humans regularly fill this role too.
The article also talked about people being more affected by the death of a pet, than by the death of a mother or father. I thought that singularly interesting. I don't know, as my parents are young and healthy so I haven't had to mourn their deaths (and hope I won't for many years), but I think as we get older we drift apart from out parents. From childhood where we spend all day everyday with them, to adulthood where we spend weekends, to older age where we see them at holidays... our parents in many many cases become less of a companion to us as we grow older. But quite the opposite happens with a pet. We say "Familiarity breeds contempt" and with human relationships this is often true. But not with animals.
Further, an animal is not family like a parent or sibling, but family like a husband or wife. You chose to bring the pet into your life. At first you were strangers, but you brought your different life experiences together. So I think the mourning would be more similar to the mourning of a partner than a parent. Again I haven't had to mourn the death of a partner, but I have had to mourn (grieve) the end of a long term (well relatively long term considering my age...) relationship. And even that hurts, and takes a lot of work and time to heal from. And like the death of a pet, perhaps it is a hurt and a healing that is rarely recognized by others.
Now the article talks about taking a day off to grieve and such, which may be over the top. But I think like anything so long as it is only one day. My grandmother said, many times during her life; "When I die, you get one day to mourn. And then take out your glad rags and celebrate. Because I had a good life." And I think this was very good advice. Whether for our dear Ursula, for a pet, a parent, an end of a marriage, or an end of a friendship. We should take a day to remember that good life we had, to grieve our loss and to find a new perspective to continue our life. But then we must take out our glad rags, because like it or not, we must all live even after the loss or death of the ones we love.
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