50 years

I've never taken birth control pills. I've never felt the need. I never thought of it as in anyway empowering or necessary or any of the things that people say it can be for women. That doesn't mean it isn't that for many women. But I am reading so much about it having the same meaning for all women and the same set of benefits and effects as though we are all (western women) one group with the same opinions and experiences of this medicine.

I never understood why one needed to take the pill. Probably because I wasn't interested in being sexually active, and I decided at a very young age that being sexually active meant that I could get pregnant (once I started menstruating...which wasn't until close to my 18th birthday, but anyway) and so it would be better to learn how my body works a bit first before changing how it works by taking daily medicine. I was also a very busy teenager, not one to be good at doing anything routinely (except for going to bed shortly after 9:47, what can i say I get sleepy). I was also very curious about menstruation and more particularly about ovulation about how subtle it was, and yet about how even in its subtlety still detectable, if i was paying attention.

My mum and I also talked a lot about menstruation and what it means to have a period and the different things that happen in our bodies. Particularly when I started menstruating and experiencing cramps and drowsiness/grogginess and had to decide what was the best way to deal with it. My mum told me about her experiences with cramps. And at some point I came to the conclusion that it wasn't such a terrible experience, and that I wanted to learn more about it before doing something that might make it go away.

I also had a family doctor who perhaps was shrewder than maybe even she knows, as when I went to her for advice she suggested I investigate my diet first and see if that helps with any pain and such. (look at your calcium and magnesium intake, are you eating enough fruit and veg? are you eating lots of sweets...maybe try avoiding sweets just in the 3 or 4 days before your period. it might help, she said. If you are having pain, try a little exercise just to distract you). I was pretty mad at her at the time, but I can't be more thankful for it now. She very simply encouraged me to explore and investigate my own body first. (she was right too, I can almost eliminate all pain with my period if i am careful about exercise and diet just before menstruation starts...although these days I'm often lazy about it)

And even when I started having sex, I always felt fertility was an important part of the experience. And that telling my partner, No! was in fact a very empowering experience. No, I don't want to make a baby with you now, I'll sleep over next week after I've ovulated. Or engaging other sexual activities instead. For me I feel that experience has been important in creating an open trusting relationship with a very real consideration for my and my partners bodies.

I sort of fell like taking a birth control pill would take away that conversation. I don't know, as I said, I've never taken it. It also means I get to talk with my partner about my body, and ask about his. I think that if I was taking an oral contraceptive we wouldn't have that conversation either. I don't know. But I found it has allowed me to teach him a lot about ovulation and menstruation, making painful periods easier to cope with, as he knows what to expect and how to help me cope, now.

I read all the time in the news that these are the options for women 1. take oral or now injection contraception, 2. use condoms, caps or IUD, 3. use the rhythm method and hold your breath and pray, 4. have 13 children.

I've never held my breath waiting for a period, or had to rely on a "plan B," or have a baby or abortion. Because I learned how to listen to my body and how to empower myself to pursue the sexual activity I am interested in.

All I am saying is that is not everyone's experience. So don't feel you need to fit yourself into one of these categories. Especially as we have learned so much more about the mechanism of how fertility works, don't be afraid to unmedicalize yourself and to empower yourself (those of you who like me are blessed with regular periods...) ask how your body works and use it to your advantage.

**of course I appreciate perhaps lots of women have irregular periods and other medical conditions involving their uterus, but I'm not really talking to that cohort as that isn't the cohort I fit. I am sure the were millions of young women who like me and perhaps wonder about the OC bandwagon***

Ready to be a mum?

I have been reading about endometriosis these days. I'm not sure why, its a pretty depressing subject for a young healthy woman to read about. But it is interesting to me. But I came upon an article about a 23 year old trying to raise $20,000 for IVF treatment, because she is ready to be a mum but doesn't have a partner. She is facing hysterectomy in the coming years, because of severe endometriosis. She is afraid that she will have to have a hysterectomy and miss out on the opportunity to bear a child. I don't like being told I can't do something. And I know if someone told me I can't have children, I would be pretty hysterical about it. But this story has me once again wondering about mothers and mothering in our society. I wonder if it isn't time to stop the hysteria about conceiving and baring "your own child", and start teaching everyone, you don't all have to have children. There are millions of orphans the globe over in need of parents. And not just poor kids kidnapped from africa or chili. There are orphans right in your own community who need love and to be part of a family. There are also surrogate mothers. You can be intimately involved with the pregnancy, you can still have a child of your own DNA, but accept the limitation of your body. There are extended family's to be involved with. Be a big sister, an awesome aunt, a cousin. I know the desire for experience. Aristotle said it, "all men desire to know." And in that he means, to know, to experience, to have the precise knowledge in their own possession. But at 23, with no real prospect (ie professional training), no real support (Ie a loving devoted partner) what is the point of spending 20,000 to conceive a child. Obviously her mother and father must be there as support, but well... I don't want to tell her not to go for it. Because it is in the pursuit of our dreams that we find happiness. I wish her the best luck, and i hope she is able to find the community of support to help her face the trails of the coming years.