I don't have arms to hug my wife

I saw a crow fall out of a tree this morning. I was not so startled, but momentarily worried, the young bird might need help. But it's mother soon appeared at its side to show it the way back to the nest.

Perhaps, it hadn't fallen, but flown in a plummeting sort of way. But, I was struck by a thought watching the mother, or well I assumed it was the mother not the father, I don't know if crows do the gender equity thing when it comes to rearing children. (Let's assume it was the mother).

She has no arms to pick up her child. She has not the strength to carry it back to their home. She can only suggest the path and hope her child follows. It was lovely to watch, as the mother showed remarkable patience and prudence jumping from branch to branch, never going further than 2 or 3m leading the young crow higher and higher until they could reach their home in one of the parks evergreen trees. It made me reflect on my own teaching experiences, and on the need to lead and guide, to suggest and show, but not to do for my students what they must learn for themselves. It was a beautiful moment.

Japanese politics

I don't understand why Japan can't just have an unpopular person in power. I mean dudes, there hasn't been a real head of state in years, turnover of political leaders has been faster then the changing runway fashion. It takes time to establish leadership, to enact changes, to create change. Things cannot and do not happen overnight, unless you live in a dictatorship. It is the price you pay for individual freedom; some things take a little longer.

after 8 months, Mr Hatoyama is calling it quits. LAME!

Is happy to be an intellectual

I miss school. I miss being surrounded by debate, discussion and people with opinions I can understand. It is sometimes very hard not being fluent in Japanese. I am finding myself in a cycle of self pacification to try and cope with this raging desire to engage more intellectual content.

Don't miss read me. I am not claiming the people, my friends here, lack depth. Quite the opposite, it is I who lack the lingual skills to engage them on an intellectual level.

Sigh.

"a major disruption"

Airplanes can't fly in Europe for 6 days...this is a major disruption. Schools in an entire state are closed for a month...this is a major disruption. Earthquake reduces 100,000 homes to rubble..this is a major disruption. Twitter users look like they don't have any followers due to bug patch for a few hours...not a major disruption. Get your priorities straight.

I have never been more ready to leave these silly social networks than I am today.

50 years

I've never taken birth control pills. I've never felt the need. I never thought of it as in anyway empowering or necessary or any of the things that people say it can be for women. That doesn't mean it isn't that for many women. But I am reading so much about it having the same meaning for all women and the same set of benefits and effects as though we are all (western women) one group with the same opinions and experiences of this medicine.

I never understood why one needed to take the pill. Probably because I wasn't interested in being sexually active, and I decided at a very young age that being sexually active meant that I could get pregnant (once I started menstruating...which wasn't until close to my 18th birthday, but anyway) and so it would be better to learn how my body works a bit first before changing how it works by taking daily medicine. I was also a very busy teenager, not one to be good at doing anything routinely (except for going to bed shortly after 9:47, what can i say I get sleepy). I was also very curious about menstruation and more particularly about ovulation about how subtle it was, and yet about how even in its subtlety still detectable, if i was paying attention.

My mum and I also talked a lot about menstruation and what it means to have a period and the different things that happen in our bodies. Particularly when I started menstruating and experiencing cramps and drowsiness/grogginess and had to decide what was the best way to deal with it. My mum told me about her experiences with cramps. And at some point I came to the conclusion that it wasn't such a terrible experience, and that I wanted to learn more about it before doing something that might make it go away.

I also had a family doctor who perhaps was shrewder than maybe even she knows, as when I went to her for advice she suggested I investigate my diet first and see if that helps with any pain and such. (look at your calcium and magnesium intake, are you eating enough fruit and veg? are you eating lots of sweets...maybe try avoiding sweets just in the 3 or 4 days before your period. it might help, she said. If you are having pain, try a little exercise just to distract you). I was pretty mad at her at the time, but I can't be more thankful for it now. She very simply encouraged me to explore and investigate my own body first. (she was right too, I can almost eliminate all pain with my period if i am careful about exercise and diet just before menstruation starts...although these days I'm often lazy about it)

And even when I started having sex, I always felt fertility was an important part of the experience. And that telling my partner, No! was in fact a very empowering experience. No, I don't want to make a baby with you now, I'll sleep over next week after I've ovulated. Or engaging other sexual activities instead. For me I feel that experience has been important in creating an open trusting relationship with a very real consideration for my and my partners bodies.

I sort of fell like taking a birth control pill would take away that conversation. I don't know, as I said, I've never taken it. It also means I get to talk with my partner about my body, and ask about his. I think that if I was taking an oral contraceptive we wouldn't have that conversation either. I don't know. But I found it has allowed me to teach him a lot about ovulation and menstruation, making painful periods easier to cope with, as he knows what to expect and how to help me cope, now.

I read all the time in the news that these are the options for women 1. take oral or now injection contraception, 2. use condoms, caps or IUD, 3. use the rhythm method and hold your breath and pray, 4. have 13 children.

I've never held my breath waiting for a period, or had to rely on a "plan B," or have a baby or abortion. Because I learned how to listen to my body and how to empower myself to pursue the sexual activity I am interested in.

All I am saying is that is not everyone's experience. So don't feel you need to fit yourself into one of these categories. Especially as we have learned so much more about the mechanism of how fertility works, don't be afraid to unmedicalize yourself and to empower yourself (those of you who like me are blessed with regular periods...) ask how your body works and use it to your advantage.

**of course I appreciate perhaps lots of women have irregular periods and other medical conditions involving their uterus, but I'm not really talking to that cohort as that isn't the cohort I fit. I am sure the were millions of young women who like me and perhaps wonder about the OC bandwagon***

Legislate it!

I don't know why we put such faith in legislation. It is as thought the immortal insecurity of humans has led us to a state of unquenchable fear. And that fear a kind of madness for scapegoats. The greatest scapegoat of the day: a new law.

Belguim has just voted on a disgusting new law. I think this law shows us 3 things: 1 all politions should have other full time jobs, because they are just killing time thinking up new ways to govern society to justify their single job status. 2 disproportion has no meaning in the face of legislation and 3 the desire for uniformity in society is approaching new and dangerous levels.

The new law, now sitting before Senate in Belgium, after passing uncontested through the lower house, will effect about 30 women in the tiny European country. This law will not in anyway empower these women to change their mode of dress, all it will result in is a kind of house arrest for them. Of course this means other Belgians won't have to look at them, making them feel more confident that there are no terrorists in their midst. (Because we all know the real threat that has for centries excisted from masked women). Belgium would like to ban the use of the niqab and burka in all public places intended to serve citizens. This includes buildings; parks, street and so on.

What a load of baloney!

In the western world, what does it matter what you wear? Even if you want to wear nothing at all. This stinks of assimilation laws banning mother tongue use, banning traditional costume use, banning the use of cultural assests. It is rife with, what I hope will one day be recognized as, the false belief that to be beautiful is more valuable than to be happy. That the only mode of self expression is through proudly showing your body to the world. This is non-sense and if we hope to empower people to love their bodies and be proud of them, ask questions about them, explore them and know them, then the last thing we need is legislation about how to adorn them.

Suggestions will do.

Grounded

I wonder if, with all the planes in Europe grounded for an unpresidented 6 days, there was any change in things like sunsets, UV, stress and the like? Obviously some people were substancially more stressed, as they sat stranded here and there around the globe, or waited for a loved one to return safely...but I wonder if people unaffected had a somewhat lessening of stress from the removal of the noise pollution associated with air travel?

Im sure research was done.

let me know if you find any.

Lazy food

I read a hilarious article yesterday about lazy food. About the shock and horror of the supermarket filling up with prepackage prepared ingredients that are meant to reduce the time it takes to make a salad.

did making salad ever really take that long? I guess it did. The article talked about the dramatic growth in the lazy foods market value. About how as society follows its terminal course we find outselves more and more cash rich and more and more time poor, leaving us feeling we have no time to make a salad.

Several commented on how kids these days dont know carrots come from the earth, not Tescos; mangoes are oblong and multicoloured, not square; asparagus is...well asparagus since there isn't much you can do to make asparagus lazier so it gets left out of their diets...

I think it is pretty unfair to call the foods lazy. I contend there are no lazy foods, just as there are no stupid questions. Living in Japan, the land of lazy foods, I always find the only thing i get for buying the prepared ingredients is...more packaging and a sense of emptiness because I could have made it all myself for just as much time, less money, and way less garbage.

Some contend these foods are for people who live alone, because when you buy food you can't buy small amounts, and then you have all this food rotting in the fridge. Which is why we need to do away with bulk buying. Chicken cost what ever 59yen/100g whether you buy 50g or 500g. And that's how it should be. In Japan you are encouraged to only buy what you need and not feel like you are missing out on a deal by only buying a little bit for tonite and tomorrows dinner. The same for veggies. Veggies come in different sizes, thats just how the grow. Feel free to buy what you need, not what is the best deal. A huge daikon and a regular daikon cost the same, so you just buy the one that will provide YOU with what you need. Don't feel you are paying more for your daikon, maybe the cost per 100g is more, but you are getting what you need to feed yourself, for 79yen, and if you needed to feed 4 people you would get enough to feed 4 people for 79yen too.

Reassessing our relationship to money is going to be an important revolution in our lifetimes. If we continue to overvalue money and undervalue commodities, we will soon find ourself bought out, sold up creek to China. And while I like lots of things about China, the thing i like most is that it is China and not the whole world. I love the diversity of our planet; but if we value money more than diversity then soon we will have just that.

Ready to be a mum?

I have been reading about endometriosis these days. I'm not sure why, its a pretty depressing subject for a young healthy woman to read about. But it is interesting to me. But I came upon an article about a 23 year old trying to raise $20,000 for IVF treatment, because she is ready to be a mum but doesn't have a partner. She is facing hysterectomy in the coming years, because of severe endometriosis. She is afraid that she will have to have a hysterectomy and miss out on the opportunity to bear a child. I don't like being told I can't do something. And I know if someone told me I can't have children, I would be pretty hysterical about it. But this story has me once again wondering about mothers and mothering in our society. I wonder if it isn't time to stop the hysteria about conceiving and baring "your own child", and start teaching everyone, you don't all have to have children. There are millions of orphans the globe over in need of parents. And not just poor kids kidnapped from africa or chili. There are orphans right in your own community who need love and to be part of a family. There are also surrogate mothers. You can be intimately involved with the pregnancy, you can still have a child of your own DNA, but accept the limitation of your body. There are extended family's to be involved with. Be a big sister, an awesome aunt, a cousin. I know the desire for experience. Aristotle said it, "all men desire to know." And in that he means, to know, to experience, to have the precise knowledge in their own possession. But at 23, with no real prospect (ie professional training), no real support (Ie a loving devoted partner) what is the point of spending 20,000 to conceive a child. Obviously her mother and father must be there as support, but well... I don't want to tell her not to go for it. Because it is in the pursuit of our dreams that we find happiness. I wish her the best luck, and i hope she is able to find the community of support to help her face the trails of the coming years.

Optimism

Sometimes I surprise even myself with my ability to be optimistic. I am pretty glad I have learned to be patient and take things in their time.　To search out and wait for the balance between fate, trivial pursuit and the creation of good in my life.

Today for example, I have been a bit down, and a bit procrastinaty (as you can tell by the large hole where October through January blog should be) and I decided in my sleep last night that i have had enough of nightmares about eating raw eggs I am going to move on with things in general.

That includes replacing 6 year old sports bras, learning the 50 adjectives on my list for learning words. Of course, only time will tell the truth of those claims, but there is a hint os spring that calls for the pursuit of action, growth and blossoming.

A little embarressed

I don't know whose idea it was to try to host the games in Canada. But I must say I am pretty embarressed by all the complaining going on about the games.

Reading the news

I was just catching up on the goings on in my hometown of Toronto from CBCs lovely news website. I was shocked to read some of the comments that people had written. Reading the news can be a pretty hot blooded activity, we hear bits and pieces about what is happening in the world, and often it can leave us feeling out of the loop and disempowered, since we can only read about these things but not interact with them at any other level.

In particular, I was reading about a recent case in Toronto where EMS workers failed to respond to an emergency fast enough, and sadly the man in need died. In the case, according to the report, the EMS workers had been told the patient might be drunk and might be difficult. Thus they made the decision to use caution and wait for a police escort.

This is protocol. EMS workers are not heroes for hire. They are Emergency Medical response workers. Their training is to help with medical emergencies. Not to endanger themselves. That would be reckless, and how could we insure our EMS workers health and safety if there were no protocols about entering possibly dangerous situations. So their decision to wait was the right one, given the information made available to them.

Sadly, in this case, this delay may have lead to a man's death (though it is possible he would have died even with EMS intervention).

I was the responses from the readers. Many calling for the EMS workers to be fired, to have criminal charges laid on them, and so on. Is this in any way reasonable? I mean the person who called 911 should be partial responsible in that case, since they provided information that lead to the caution.

But what really surprised me was this comment: "I wish the CBC would demand the release of all the 911 and internal audio recordings so that we can hear for ourselves what actually happened."

I don't see why we need to 'hear for ourselves' what happened...do you have nothing better to do with your time that listen to a dying man's call for help? Talk about an invasion of privacy! I know we feel disempowered by not having been there to make things turn out better. But reliving it isn't going to do anything about it. Why not read the story and feel the remorse those workers must feel, having lost a patient? Why not read the story and reflect on our own outbursts of anger or aggression? Why not read the story and think about how we can, in our lives, help create and maintain safe environments so that when we need help, those with the power to help can get to your side to offer their help?

I think its time to leave facebook. You know. We are forgetting what it means to have privacy.

An apology worth reading

I find apologies usually are worth reading. There is something in the act that affirms ones hope in the prospect of the Good, in the platonic sense.

Today the co-leader of the Toronto 18 apologised for his actions and his intentions in the 2006 plots to attack the cities of Toronto and Ottawa. In his apology he showed how he recognized not only were his actions that of a sociopath, but that they ultimately harmed the people he was most hoping to help, his fellow Islamic community. That his actions, and the actions of his group, only brought more suspicion, bias and hate on his community.

He also asked that we not believe his apology until its words were tested in action.

I think it was a very beautiful thing.

One, that he has accepted that he was mistaken and apologized for it. But that it was by being held in correctional facilities that he found out how to correct his thinking. In the article accompanying the story it explains how he met inmates who stood to have lost family members had he been successful in his plot, he also met Jewish inmates whom he befriended, recognizing that had they been in Palestine they would have killed each other without ever knowing what good friends they could have been had they only had the chance to talk.

This is the beautiful thing. Humans taking the chance to talk and recognizing other humans.

I hope Mr. Amare is given a life sentence. And that in his time in correctional custody he is used as a teacher, a negotiator and a campaigner for community and communication across community in Canada. For he has learned, and perhaps can show others, how just meeting someone new, someone different can change your life and can show you where your views must fit in a broad complex and multi-dimensional understanding of life here in our community.

How much can you mourn a pet?

There was an interesting article in the news this morning about mourning, following former British politician, Lord Hattersley's, letter of his grief at the loss of his pet dog.

I thought this to be a very striking article, both the article itself and the comments that accompanied it from readers. I was very surprised by it, but also quite struck. I myself still have a cat who my family adopted when I was 4 or 5. We are now both in our twenties. Of all the members in my family Cocoa (the cat) hung out with me the most. We had a very close friendship growing up. When I called her, with a whistle, she would come in a minute. But my dad or brothers or any of my other family could rarely get her to come. I was also the only one who could pick up the feisty cat.

When I left home to start university, Cocoa started mourning my loss. She cried (or mewed as a cat will do) all day, she stopped eating and drinking. She is a small cat but lost nearly 3lbs over the first 2 months I was a way at school. She didn't know I was just at school, for her it was the same as a death. I was gone. As far as she knew, never to return. From that experience I am quite struck by the fact that animals are just as emotional as humans.

And this is the part that I think makes mourning a pet so difficult. No one could tell her I was just gone for a little while and I would be back. No one could help comfort her that it was okay to miss me. There was little consolation for her. And yet, whenever I was sad, she knew just how to tell me it would be okay, just how to help me put things in perspective. In the article, it was noted by Lord Hattersley that when his father died his dog was there to help him mourn. But now that his dog has died, there is no one there to support him.

I think that mourning a pet is so difficult because we can't speak with them to be sure they know how much we love them. We can tell them, and they show us affection in return, but we are so unsure of the nature of the relationship. But there is also what a pet gives us. They bring regularity and continuity to our lives, we have to feed them, walk them, play with them and that doesn't change (much). They are that friend who invites you out for a drink or a coffee after a break up. They help take your mind off your sadness in a way that few humans have the compassion to do for their friends or family, in a way few humans even recognize as important. Not to rag on humans. Many humans regularly fill this role too.

The article also talked about people being more affected by the death of a pet, than by the death of a mother or father. I thought that singularly interesting. I don't know, as my parents are young and healthy so I haven't had to mourn their deaths (and hope I won't for many years), but I think as we get older we drift apart from out parents. From childhood where we spend all day everyday with them, to adulthood where we spend weekends, to older age where we see them at holidays... our parents in many many cases become less of a companion to us as we grow older. But quite the opposite happens with a pet. We say "Familiarity breeds contempt" and with human relationships this is often true. But not with animals.

Further, an animal is not family like a parent or sibling, but family like a husband or wife. You chose to bring the pet into your life. At first you were strangers, but you brought your different life experiences together. So I think the mourning would be more similar to the mourning of a partner than a parent. Again I haven't had to mourn the death of a partner, but I have had to mourn (grieve) the end of a long term (well relatively long term considering my age...) relationship. And even that hurts, and takes a lot of work and time to heal from. And like the death of a pet, perhaps it is a hurt and a healing that is rarely recognized by others.

Now the article talks about taking a day off to grieve and such, which may be over the top. But I think like anything so long as it is only one day. My grandmother said, many times during her life; "When I die, you get one day to mourn. And then take out your glad rags and celebrate. Because I had a good life." And I think this was very good advice. Whether for our dear Ursula, for a pet, a parent, an end of a marriage, or an end of a friendship. We should take a day to remember that good life we had, to grieve our loss and to find a new perspective to continue our life. But then we must take out our glad rags, because like it or not, we must all live even after the loss or death of the ones we love.