Practice never betrays you

So I am still mulling through this new information about the money system. I think it is very interesting. We are pretty mad and pretty upset, but I think it is unfair, and we shouldn't be. And I think this because of the fundamental nature of science and of evolution.

What does science have to do with greed or money or the crashing changing growing money system...maybe not very much. But I suspect that actually they have a great deal to do with each other. The pursuit of science, the pursuit of knowledge, like the pursuit of experience requires theories, requires experimentation, requires testing trying out and assessing predictions.

I want to believe that we are experimenting in capitalism, we are pursuing a science of monetary creation and accretion. That much like the Challenger or whatever space shuttle it was that blew up all those years ago, some experiments go very wrong, and at the cost of human lives...

I value life above all things (how can you not?), but I don't think that we should be afraid of loosing it. I see that this financial crisis is leading to suicides, murders, to cycles or depression and despair...because the experiment went wrong. We didn't use a good methodology and as a result missed important indicators that it was not a viable model. But I don't think that means we should follow the example set by the international space programs. It is a bad idea to stop pursuing the dream.

We are capable of doing a lot of things, and I know finding an effective wealth creation-distribution model is one of them (keeping in mind that this system isn't some kind of goal or destination but an ongoing experience). We shouldn't let the fear of extinction kill the process of evolution. Any process of evolution. We must work with that reality and with that goal...that extinction is a necessary part of life, in the same way that death is.

The world as I know it isn't fundamentally changing, because the world as I know it is one of fundamental change. There has never been a day in this life I haven't faced the challenge of change, and i wouldn't have it any other way. If you think the world doesn't change much or very quickly you are deluding yourself. Look at the evolution of the pre-frontal cortex. What is it about this memory storing part of our brains that it demanded the complete architectural overhaul of the human skull in the blink of evolutionary time?

It is very new that we have had the skills granted us by the PFC, we shouldn't be surprised that we aren't very good at using them, yet. So we should keep practicing. We should keep asking, testing, making and trying theories, we should keep on predicting and examining our predictions, because we will start getting it right more and more times...and then we will meet our antecessor...

What is poverty?

I recently watched an interesting, oh what's the word for it, "special report" on the US housing industry and what many call the birth of the current "financial crisis". Now for some reason I am somewhat skeptical about the connection between the US housing crisis and the global financial "crisis." A skepticism that was further fuelled by this program, for, even though the show's thesis maintains that the housing bubble is what caused and catalysed financial crises around the world at the end of the show it shows that places like that Norwegian city that bought up badly rated CDOs didn't buy mortgaged backed CDOs...demontrating there is another very serious (maybe more serious) piece to this puzzle. Of course I don't really care about or understand money, so I can't suggest what it is...but I am interested in something Allen Greenspan had to say...

At the end of this program, titled House of Cards, Allan Greenspan suggests that it is human nature to be greedy and further that that nature, the drive for greedy, self-satisfaction, narcissistic endeavor, is what has brought millions out of poverty...

That sentiment hit me pretty hard. Like a slap in the face with a wet pickle by a rugby player named Laura Boghean. This idea that greed is what brings us out of poverty. If that is true, then I think we have unknowingly and fundementally redefined the word poverty. And I am sure this new definition won't stand.

The program goes a long way in demonstrating how we rethought what we meant by the "American Dream." An expression that once meant to prevail after years of struggle, toil, careful investment, pain-staking care and much sacrifice. In the program it is again and again used to mean having every material thing you always wanted...and having it before you are old enough to know what it is without sacrificing anything upfront (though we are all seeing there are big forced sacrifices in the long run).

So what do we mean by poverty? As Allen Greenspan uses the word, it can only mean not possessing much materially in the world. This is the same way President G.W Bush uses it. He sees only poverty as people not having as many lollipops as they want everyday. He sees it as people not owning homes, he sees not owning a home as the fundemental cause of every other social problem in America. This isn't poverty, is it? And if we believe this is poverty then we are the ones truly in poverty.

We are in a poverty of love, spirit, faith, knowledge or happiness. I can only imagine that living in a poverty of these 5 things is a truly sad and tragic thing that corrupts, denegrades and destroys our societies. I don't see how material poverty can cause these things without a greater poverty of the human needs. The only way material poverty can cause social corruption is if we believe that greed is what will bring us out of poverty. If we believe having things makes us happy, brings meaning into our lives... But this is the catch, if we believe and agree greed has this power it is because we live in a poverty of these 5 things.

If you have all the love, all the faith in life in your friends and family in everyday strangers, all the spirit and energy to pursue your life to experience use and generate happiness while people with pools and 6 gaming systems and two cars and machines that vacuum the house day and night might think you live in poverty in your 1 room apartment with mum and dad and 3 brothers but you wouldn't and shouldn't agree with them.

I guess that comes of living within my means. Of living temporarily. Of hoping in increments and preparing for things I want...rather than for taking things i want then having to work to pay for them. I agree that greed is one of the most effective eroding forces of western society. It is the vice over all vices that corrupts and destroys families, friendships, networks and the kinship of strangers. It works with great speed and greater effect than murder, sloth, lust, alcohalism or any vice you can conceive.

I am not trying to point us to some kind of social altruism, it has nothing to do with how we interect with each other, but how we live with ourselves. It has to do with learning how to appreciate and value at a greater level what we have, what we have worked for and things that we are willing to work for. We need to be willing to work for things.

I am sorry for the millions in the US and Canada citizens being thrown out of their homes. Not because they are being thrown out of their homes, but because they never had a chance to learn the value of what they had. They never learned how to be satisfied with what they work for. I am sorry for the people on wall street and the banks that went bankrupt in the way I feel sorry for soldiers with PTSD...I am sorry for people world wide loosing their manufacturing jobs, but I hope that they will find more meaningful ways to contribute to our society, rather than just making more stuff for us to want.

Greed is not the friend of poverty, but the enemy...greed doesn't bring us out of poverty; it drives us into it. But then what does Allen Greenspan know about anything anyway? His defense for why he is not guilty in allowing this problem, and in creating this problem, I didn't understand it...

Amazing life

I guess the weather just fills me with joy, but i don`t think i could have drempt up a better morning. Woke up with sun in my eyes around 715. It wasn't cold in my apartment so i could get out of bed and go pee without slippers a sweater and other warming agents. Birds were singing me love songs, inviting me to come and play so i went and did yoga in the park for an hour or so. I returned to have japanese breakfast provided by a students 98 year old great grandmother. And its only 10 to 9. I still have heaps of time for reading and writing before what maybe my most challenging day of teaching this year. 7-60 minute classes back to back.

I am excited to sleep like an angel tonite.

Perspective

I had a couple pretty amazing experiences with perspective this weekend, that have got me thinking about the topic quite heavily. It started with a new sketch book. I finally finished the book of block, that is the book that has essentially held the entirety of my writers block over the past three years. Creatively, it is a pretty depressing book to look through, tons of pages of incomplete poems, stories, thoughts, ideas, sudokus, maps of places, plans, goals, drawings, grocery lists...you know the kind of things on puts in a sketch book when experiencing creative block.

Of course, the last two months worth of stuff shows a huge shift in my work, but that's only about 7 pages out of 200...but now I started a new one. And it was funny, looking at the first page and thinking about what to put there, I was afraid I was going to start panicking and I thought I will go back into the mode of self editing and creative abortion that formed the better part of the block. But before i had even started thinking these things I realized that i wasn't worried at all about what to put. I thought it doesn't really matter if it turns out really good, or really crap, or most likely somewhere in between those extremes. I just want to make something. I want to work on it and then some time later finish working on it.

I thought that was funny, because in that moment i came to realize that I wasn't afraid of blank pages anymore. And it was pretty cool. It was like when I came to realize I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore, or I wasn't afraid of people hearing me pee. And I never thought it was something i was afraid of, and if it was i never thought i would stop being afraid of them. And that got me thinking about I can...

I can't is the most dream defeating phrase in every language I have ever tried to learn. And that is because it reifies a temporal obstacle and makes us believe it may be an eternal blockage. We need to revolutionize this phrase and change it from I can't to Now I can't... I sort of always thought I can't means I never can...but that is my great error, and it is an error many of us make and I hope if you are still making it you heed what I have learned. That I can't only means in this moment I can't..but maybe with more heart and practice, with more support and strength I can one day.

I climbed a really steep mountain this weekend. With a child and two women. The child, like any child would, just wanted to go and go and go. She has not yet developed any sense for conserving energy. About 200m from the top, however, she reached her limit. Her legs were heavy from the climbing (it was in many parts a 60-75degree incline...totally wicked). She wanted to quit and stop. But I know how wicked it is at the tops of mountains so I told her to climb on my back.

I didn't know if I could carry her up 200m. In fact I was pretty certain I was as tired as she was. But I wanted her to make it. And I was up for the challenge. So I put my bag on her back and crouched for her. And it seemed that was enough. She sort of looked at me as if to say, "I am tired. I don't think I can keep going, but you would find the strength to carry me the rest of the way...well then I will find that strength too" And like a mountain goat she lit off up the last slope. We raced the last 50m and both fell down on the top of the mountain for feel how good it was to have made it.

Before that she didn't try to talk to me, nor I to her. But after I guess our relative positions changed and we did our best to talk.

Then their was the view of the world. At the top of the mountain there was only blue sky over head, as we has climbed up through the cloud that sits on the valley below, or so it felt. New mountains came into view in the distance and the sea too. I couldn't have imagined...but i can now. And I look forward to more things unimagined. And know they exist out there, just have to find them.

If I had a second chance...

Been a while. I have been writing and drawing and thinking a lot, but not blogging very much. I should do something about that....and so here I am. A blog about learning.

I am learning a lot these days. A lot about myself, which you would find boring, so I won't write about, and a lot about religion, which some might find taboo and controversial. But I have some funny stories on the topic to tell, and how they relate to learning.

So I met these nice men, and we frequently talk about religion together. They are pretty convicted, but they aren't bossy, which I find very unusual. It probably also explains why I enjoy talking with them. But they often suggest I pray for better understanding of various things. I personally am not such a fan of praying for things. I think we have already been given everything we need, want, hate etc and our only obligation is to offer eternal thanks for it. (see the comments made by the King of Eldorado in Candide by Voltaire). You can also see the prayer on Ethok about this. Even if there are things we think we need, I have found keeping a thankful mind and accepting our temporal condition is generally enough to take care of it. So I prayed to offer my thanks for the patience of men and for the strength I have found to ask questions and the determination I have found to genuinely seek out answers.

I think often of the days of the Philosophy Club at the Grad House, and how sometimes they questions posed were quite daunting and I would be too lazy, and unable to find the drive, to sort them out and find insights into them. But I am finding, much like going to the gym, day by day, bit by bit, my skills in pondering through a problem is getting stronger (like my abdominal muscles...i can almost do a full sit up these days...almost...talk about zero core strength)

And this is the thing. Maybe I was usually very grateful (secretly quietly and to myself) for the myriad of talents and gifts and good vibes and faults and misfortunes I possess. But I didn't put any effort into acknowledging that fact. And I think this led to feelings of regret, that somehow I was wasting talent, time, friendship and the like. And mostly because it was tiring and time consuming to be thankful and to offer those prayers of thanks. And because I thought I wasn't very good at it.

But what I keep running up against is this idea of "if I had a second chance..." And I have come to the conclusion that it is a nonsense thing to say. I feel that I am not very good at making music, and I want to be able to make music, not just listen to it...well then I should start practicing making music. I don't need to regret quitting piano, clarinet, viola, singing, guitar and whatever other music classes my parents were kind enough to fund for me. I want to be strong enough to dance like a ballerina...then I will start practicing, to build that strength. I don't need to regret screaming at the bar because Vince Parvel or whoever that ballet teacher was when I was 4 who scared me and made me never want to go back to another ballet lesson. I don't need a second chance, I have today, tonight, tomorrow and everyday to try, to build skill, to enjoy life.

And that is just one of the things I have been thinking about these days.