snuff

my back hurts.

i played in the snow (14 inches of powder) yesterday. it wasso mucho fun. d and i made a giant mountain and did back flips into it. and then shoveld lots. then the red boy came and said he'd hlep so i got him a shovel, but i don't think red boy likes the snow very much so he left. then d was cold so we went it.. besides we had to see if the washing machine was still broken, but it wasn't so we did laundry. but we had to put the laundry lines back up so i had to play with tha hammer. then later we watched metro which was really terrible but quite enjoyable.

im going crazy

and i have decided it is impossible to exist in bianaries so im playing on the sliding scale of life. even my weight is a sliding scale. i wonder if an unstable weight is a sign of some malady, but i know i weigh between 136 and 156 fluxing that much in three days... you'd think with my regualr exercise and currently amazing diet such flux wouldn't exist...but it does which is why i have given up on bianaries. i also no longer believe in being asleep or awake but in the happy gradient of slewakeness. i had the same dream last all day and night every tme id wake it was just on pause for the next moment of sleppingness. mehpish.

also today i read a lot of p[lato, he was a liar if i ever read one, and people keep telling me its bad to lie and i shouldn't but all the best people did. (well plato and dilworth...and pender. and also me)

okay bye


ps smurf aint doing to good

poor ghanga smurf

emanual had a stroke sunday. and bipass surgery last evening. he can't feel his face or most of his skin. he can't barely speak.

don't starve yourself. ghanga smurf thought food unholy. "yaw., i won't put that shit in my body" when he was rushed into emerge sunday night he weight 76 lbs. 5'2. rest now manny. recover. rethink you're strategy. food is life. and though much of it may be unholy, much, not all.

recover soon, my brother. with speed i hope you will walk and move again. i hope you will still think and beable to cognize you thoughts into speach. but rest well little man. for now.

ps

k is my favorite letter because its soo funny, honey. and f is my next favourite letter because is soo crazy and lazy.

bookish terms

gaaah, if i could read anymore i think i should... forget life, who needs it, i'll just read all the time, come on world show me what you've got...oh good a book...bring it on!!!

a poem? a short story you say, no...perhaps a long discourse on the use of writing or on who good and bad are the same thing! poppycock i say, ill read you all and be the better for it, Book!! im ready for you.


and im also going a little nuts

yea im a llama again

back to windsor in true m style. i don't think we could have fitted anything else in the car. we had, my school bag and a box for d, then m suit case, laudry basket, 20 pairs of shoes ( i kid you not) a computer all her presents in bags her black lab (who is a huge dog, could rival a bull mastiff in size) and my cat in a carrier box. it was sooooooo packed. and cocoa (the cat) was not happy to be in a box so i had to open it, but apparently she wasn't interested in getting to know the puppy. luckily the puppy wasn't to clever and didn't notice her the entire 4 hours in the car. meh. its was a good trip and im glad to be back in the W. even if the boys down stairs think its appropriate to deficate on my snowman villiage. i'll keep building them and if they do it again i'll press charges for distruction of private property... i think i can do that even though they live there too. its like if i was to smash in their windshield... or break all their christmas lights and banners in the garage and pee on their couches or hammock.... well anyway. there is soooo much snow here, except aparently plowing residential streets isn't an in thing here, so it can be difficult to negociate. anyway time to streatch im sore.

tsunami

something very sneeky nearly happened today and i was nearly forced into a position that i didn't want to be in, but fortunately i outsnuck it and got away without giving away a cent (or point if you want to be technical)

so heres the story: i went to get darling cocoa a carrying case this evening to carry her around in (not a purse...with absorbant liner, but a propper case) and some other essentials too, and when i got up to the cash to pay the lady said to me would you like to donate your point (it being zellers) well i said no thankyou very much and didn't donate any points to the relief effort.

and so i have made it another day without beaking my new years resolution.

oh yeah, i feel good.

im read to leave.... im waiting for a taxi...or m (actually m is better)

jsandme

hmm.
imissmissj. i forget and think sometimes that she'snnot worth it, but then i see her and feel like an ass for thinking it. its true. but i guess unimportant .

so we went to the ab then i met the partner who's about as empty as a balloon. inflated or otherwise. i don't like him, and im still debating why, but i think its a representative thing, that is mostly me projecting assholeishly on him...oh well. he was rude so i dont mind.

this bothers me. but omg, i made the most incredible connections going home...the york bus took 7 minutes of so to arrive, but every other bus, subway street car was right there, and i was home by 1:40...it took just over an hour to make the whole journey. not to mention no one else was on any of my busses train streetcars so they didn't stop...ah the red rocket, how effeciently wonderful you are. i ran into a boy who knew my father tho, daniel, says we went to school together to, but i don't count pat's anylonger that place was just a transition house. le sigh. he made me remeber things i was happily repressing, but what can one do... not much.maybe i could try and find c's mum and send her flowers this year... cause then ill be that much poorer.... right.

bd s

just watched the boondoch saints. wow. im pretty much in heaven right now. it was incredible. and i think all should run to the video store right now, take out that little card with your parents name and address and walk down the nirvana films aisle and select it off the shelf, rush it home and watch it because it will change you're fucking life. you cannot watch with out becoming and active participant, you can't be apathetic or bored or distracted. it sucks you in mind and body. wow. this is almost as good as an orgasm. fuck. my mind is blown away. i need to go and write a little.

and you know its not even about the morality of the story or the triumph of evil or good or what ever the fuck. its just real. every character is the good guy and the bad guy and you want everyone to both suceed and fail at the same time, and when either go either way its tormenting failure and disappointment while at the same time blissful gratification. geeze. how can that be? hmm i definately need to go write...but where. shops are gonna be closed.

damn this city. i need home. i need a home. and no more lie. i need out of these lies. but i like them...not really i just am them. i think. or i want to be them.

i think i need to think. yes... okay im going to stop this shit now. ill go.
bye

thok

mmm congratulations all...

mmm me big looser. well im happy, but maybe the world thinks hiding under ones bed is looserish.
so what if you thought you''d been in a train acident, and had a huge adventre and then it turns out you were... i guess you would be one of the sevene then. next on the list, the hobbit, and then watership down, i needs to find. im very excited to go back, i want to go with d, back to her place, then to home, but i don't think that would go over with anyone...grrr.

i made lovely chicken for dinner...witha little help from a friend and sister. mm so here's the plan. play today die tomorrow, and forget about the mess.

sorry. if you'll miss me, don't busy yourself.

okay theres the new plan. play today, and tomorrow go to the train station. and tonite go to the club. and tomorrow read and sew cause j leaves too, back across the herring pool he goes.

this is too much gibberish

c's'h

shit. most technocolour uber lucid dreaming going on, in troubling ways. 

i was watching myself through most of it. living in this commune with a kid, s-kid. then i was going to the theatre, well to a pub to meet s to go to the theatre, and i was uber late, and chatting with c...the ghost all the way. so i get to the pub and s and i head off to the theatre and find a seat. i sit, then d arrives so he goes and sits with another woman but there was a huge kerfuffle, and then something bad happened, we got tossed out of the building and were free falling. then i caught him and started flying. 

 d arrived last night. im worried i won't make it till april, more importantly im worried she wont. shit