Nightmares

GAAAH!!! i don't want to be awake right now. but i can hear her. she's waiting to cut me into pieces when i fall back to sleep. fuck. she's on very channel. you know that, how sometimes when you get bored with a dream you can sort of blink and change to another dream, like they played on different channels, but she's there on all of them. ewweewww. okay time to think about other things.



maybe i will wake up dani. okay settle. i just received a random email. and i think im about to get sick. in like the next 3 hours or so. i want to go back to sleep. i think the dream is gone enough now. im going to go read till i fall back to sleep.

thanks world.

ebbs and flows

what outragous weather! it was like 10 C today. i freaking saw someone going yard work today. Shall i remind you that this is canada and the date would be january the 28th, my clocks don't know what to do. (dont you hate it when things are looking over your shoulder) anyway im going to watch my dearest atousa in a play with D. its a nice thing to do. Im stoked the play will be loverly. im going to take a note book (mental note).

so life has made a complete 360 in about 24hours. how nice. i like to about face. i found a great song that make me jump. i can't listen to it and not jump. sadly it was on a cd someone burned for me and didn't record the artist or title so i dont know what it is or who its by.

James blunt is so good. Michelle's Megan number 1 is cool too! i think i will have to go out on the town with her soon.

but about the about face. i met a dragon tree in canada. it was just stunning. completely stunning by the raceway lights. while out for a walk in "the bush" with Nathan aka jack aka tyler (aka has issues with language meaning what he wants [im sure thats projected by me...im comfortable with that im nuts]) but im happy. and calm, finally. lifes nice.

(ps im going to go dancing soon)

testimonial

i just read an interesting testimonial about the execution of Stan 'tookie' williams. very interesting indeed. execution is such a strange thing. that people go and watch an execution. i was watching pirates of the carribean, and its not like they sucessfully execute very many people in that film, but the intentions are all there. im baffeled a little by the idea that anyone could think that was an effective punishment. though i suppose he hasn't killed anyone since he was executed so ultimately i guess its working to reform his ways, but then again williams hasn't killed anyone since 1979 so i suppose that keeping him in jail was also pretty effectivly preventing the sypmtoms of his unrepenting ways. of course if you're of the camp who thinks he never killed anyone even in 1979 then i suppose letting him live was also effectively remedeeing the problem, but then he wouldn't have reformed if he hadn't been sent to jail or solitary confinment. but then what can i say. i don't know anything about it. i think im going to draw what im thinking tonite, cause these word just aren't cutting the rug.

Speaking of cutting a rug. i was dancing in the living room this morning and smartly put my knee out again. its a shame cause i has having a great morning of stretching and dancing and thinking and listening to good music like Lamya and James blunt. but i suppose a roo can't have everything. i would like to go read lysidas though. hmm. i should do that.

okay.

i want to

come back to this subject, but i will forget to if i don't make a note.
border identity, crossing rivers. water wars. having a murderess for a grandmother. finding out you are part austrailian, but not aboriginal but of the austrialan who were sent there as part of the penal colony. and i want to come back to the topic of loose and found and founding and gonzo and polyvocal performance and dance and editing and editing speech and speech editing and traps and snares and all of this that started this: being without ethnicity

e-age

i wonder if you are different ages in different places. sometimes i send emails and think, my goodness, i must be 8. and other times one might read them as though i were 85. i worry about being 85.

i received 8 emails between 11:30 pm and 6:00 am. isn't that odd. while i was sleeping the world was trying to communicate with me, or to me at least. and now im up working on a paper, thinking about how bizare life is.

id like to work, while im young and hip, in layout and design. it looks like logic puzzles, i think im going to ask karen monk if she would like to take on a coop student. or aybe i will find out if she went to school for that sort of thing.

basketball boy dairies

i wrote about phillip sydney a few days bck. i just like to revisit him (in the 16th century) and think about words fit to be written and deeds fit to be done and all that.

i wish there were english games, where all english students from different schools come together and read and discuss and play and fuck it would be good. I was volunteering at the science games. those kids are soo cool.

now i would like to tell you a story about another subject near and dear to my heart: dancing. I have also pointed out before the importance of people leading in a dance. gentlemen, let me assure you saying "wow you're such a good dancer" does NOT compensate for anything. especially your own crappy or non dancing! if i wanted men to watch me dance i would become a stripper. got it! So you say to yourself, but roo i really don't know how to dance. to which i respond, piffel! its easy and i will give you a brief tutorial. 1. You cannot lead while holding my ass. one hand, at least, should be on the small of the back (which is located about four fingers below the bra strap, sadly i never wear bras, so you would have to use your imagination or ceative juices when leading me). This way you can support my weight and move me easily (your other hand can either hold mine ala tango or ballroom or can i dunno be creative). 2. You dont have to be fancy, but you do have to turn me at least once. Don't let the lady instigate the turn and go with it. I will love dancing with you forever with one turn. 3. some times we don't have to dance together. As a former ravers (its just what our generation is) sometimes i just want to be free.

Now. if you don't feel up to this challenge, be prepared for me to make fun of you with my friends, or with your friends. Im not saying don't come up, but learn. Then lead!

just

what a word. i was taking hits of it through my nose. sips and drips of just this. something else.

can i just write to you and it will be like talking to myself but for my own ego i will have a real audience. face down on the mattress. and then i can keep running from instigation, i can keep reacting and causing reaction and all will be fine.

oh can i just send you a hello. a smile. a trick.

tits out pants down

best song lyric ever, right after "look at those beautiful quotation marks"
okay i admit those aren't actually song lyics, im just in awe. i love it. my new laptop was french so i had to calmly persuade it back to the light side of the schwartz.

i feel better just seeing this question. how are you today? actually its just the punctuation that makes me feel better. i was about to rant about something. but all my rage has melted away.

rockin the b2s

oh i love acronyms and especially b2s thats right yet another season of back to school has come upon me. i think there are still at least 12 of them to come my way before i take a break.

but that is not why im here. i am listening to Gorillaz, fire coming out of the monkeys head. also thinking about ms Duncan. who tought me in grade6. im marvelling at the cycles of discovery redicovery that we constantly run in, and in each cycle we commend ourselves on our amazing grace and agility and our mental prowess to discover something so brilliant that could not possibly be a rediscovery. take this morning for example, my tummy wasnèt quite up to the goodness that is tea or a related flavourfull hot drink. but it did want something hot. for example hot water. so that is what i am drinking today. hot water. yummo!

there is definately a very prevalent monkey theme in the Gorillaz music. huh.

havin myself a big and rich time

so im a happy puppy. my new christmas present arrived today. oh *im so happy*. its a new laptop. happy puppy indeed. i had a pretty good day, minus all delays. i think i may go for a walk just now cause i can. and i kind of need the fresh air. its beautiful out. anyway, im kinda bummed to go back to school. or work or what ever you call it. actuall i want to go back to school, just not back to work. grrr. i wish i wanèt disliking work so much just now.


oh well

for love

im in love with phillip sidney!!

"the trouble is i'd rather write of deeds worth doing than do deeds worth writting about" (modernised by me)

"Alas Love, he says, if only you could defend yourself as well as you can offend others"

"the poet affirms nothing and therefore never lies"

mr sidney had you not died 500 years ago we would have been the most famous friends!
but the truth is we must be ruthless and i will be inspired to carry one your most holy mission.



* im glad i had nightmares they make reality so plesant. likestaying up at school till 2 am repackaging O kits...at least im a llama again!

for love

you know what burns me out. i dont even think that it is/was television (though we still haven't replaced that magic box) i think it's living with someone who wants attention and to be entertained and existing near people who need stuff but dont give stuff too.

but not this time!! i'm so past this place. did i mention i had a revelation about masters or b ed next. yea. i think i may not do either. but im not going to say what i think i might do cause im not ready for people to look at me and say holy shit, really. like they tend to do.

so keep that in mind people. when i announce my direction. if i do, you have to still treat me with the same disregard that you always have.


you know i was reading my OAC writerscraft journal. did i ever grow up a lot in OAC. anyway, one evening Jack and Sam and I had a long conversation about what we each are. and Jack said im a purely physical being, she could never be sure that there is an emotional counterpart to me, cause she'd never met her. and that it must be lonely. wow. and ive been writing that for that past three years aving forgot completely that night. and when i read it it was like everything just clicked.

oh life

For love

Fuck, i love being inquiry driven! Man and when im inspired to learn, whach out (as EB would say) im a whacher with a mission. no longer will i be passive to this going on. im in. hands and feet.

Im so primed to take three Penderian classes this term. yahoo!! and listen to jazz and classical on 90.9fm and just be so happy being a student. huzzah!

okay im going to bed...to read cause i can't even sleep im so excited for all my learning i just want to learn more

( i hope i don't burn myself out...bah i don't even care. im giddy with education)

New Year's Resolution*

I'm just brilliant, it can't be helped.

So i have figured out my resolution for 2006. it totally rocks, i didn't think there was anything i could resolve to do that would actually help me out in a better way, then this brilliant resolution came along (and considering my track record with new year resolutions...and really given the general stigma around resolutions of this sort...or resolutions of any sort i take as an example the Treaty of Versaille). So my resolution is to start smoking. Hear me out! Hear me out, it's genius. So it really goes one of three ways. I start smoking and enjoy it, then come lent I have something to give up and i can party hardy for mardi gras and quit my new year resolution for the forty days (by which point i will have forgotten all about the sickening habit and have not only made and kept a new years resolution and a lent sacrifice but also i will be able to cross 'take up smoking' and 'quit smoking' from my list of things to do before i die). Or i will take it up and hate it and be miserable with my resolution (as the stigma wants us to be) so i will give up trying to keep my new year's resoltion and be all bummed and depressed about it till some gem of a human being says "Roo i love you just the same whether you can keep your new year's resolution or not." Or, the third thing that will happen, is just like every other new year's resolution ever made I will forget I made it before i even get a chance to not live up to, thus I can be like most people who make outlandish resolutions to improve the world and their lives, but unlike them i won't be disappointed when i don't live up to my resolution because it was to start smoking, which, if you let me be frank, is a very unrealistic plan for me anyway.

then you say, "ahh but Miss Maru what about lent now that you aren't going to live up to your resolution?" Oh my friend you are too clever even for the likes of me. but don't worry i have already thought of that. I will be so guilty that i was unable to live up to my resolution that i will lie and tell people that i have kept with my resolution and am a smoker, then probably by the time of fat tuesday you will all start to catch on and think im lying and that i am not a smoker at all, but then i will have the perfect cop out and say "nah, the jig is not up, i would never lie to you dear love, i have decided to give up smoking for lent." even though in reality i wont because i never will have taken it up in the first place, but you will all believe i had and be so proud of me for giving it up for the lenten celebrations.

and then you might say "ahh but you have revealed your whole plot to us already. so we will know it's all a lie" to which i will say, this is just a blog i have no obligation to tell any shade of truth on here.

but seriously im taking up cigarettes as my New Year's Resolution 2006!

;)





*previously published on my space http://spaces.msn.com/members/ethok7/

this songs for you

well i hope you got up to everything you wanted for 2005 cause it is over and done with. Welcome, one and all to 2006. and let me be the first to say i think you're just as ugly as last year.

the motto for 2006 is : the truth is we must be ruthless

to be used at all the most appropriate moments. like when i sit in my apartment eating left over pizza wish i could watch anything and remembering that im the dumbass that broke the TV so the truth is i must be ruthless and pursue other things. I hope i go see a movie in a bit. i hope the theaters are open. i think i'll go to like an 7 oclock show. well we will see.

i had a blast out with some ladies last night. finally a ring out the old ring in the new worth writing about. those dogs were pretty charming but then dogs always are. okay. time to go clean up and eat some real food.

ps congrats mel, i can't believe you are engaged!