can everybody hear me?

wouldn't it be something if backyard cookouts were a thing of everyday occurence, if we all could build fires and stand and watch glowing embers without expectation... i am so behind i think that the best way to spend the next ten minutes is in deep contemplation of the beauty of all things auditory. isn't is just lovely to sometimes just listen, play like a fly on a wall and just silently listen to the world, or to conversations or to gossip or to devious ditto plans. one shouldn't scheme when listening, and when truly listening, one doesn't...at least this one doesn't scheme nearly so much. i think i may take up another vow of silence. i dont know when but i think i'd like to do it for a good week. maybe late in march.

okay, my ten isn't up, but im going to go get back on track

mr moroco

on my island paradice tomorrow is shrove tuesday. how come no one told my that my brief, but oh so beautiful love affair was so soon to come to a hiatus. thats right every my most sucessful new years resolution to date is soon to fall prey to my lentan observation. its only been two short months and in that time i have made it from zero to hero managing up to a pack and a half a day, but now with the demands of my faith pressing down on me, cigarettes i must give you up (but just for forty days). i know that i have yet to stick to a resolution so resolutely but i have to give up something, and lets be honest i just don't eat that much turkey. but you have treated my well in our time together, and i will not soon forget th smell of my breath or taste of my clothes under your influence. but don't get too teary eyed yet, we still have mardi gras together, for our absinance form cigarettes won't begin till mass on wednesday, when the ash on my forehead will mark the last ash of our friendship.

okay island paradice, its just you and me now...or soon at least.

there was something to dancing

how come no one told me the oscars are like 6 days away. i love oscars...well i love getting dolled up to watch tv actually. i think that on friday i will get dressed up to watch the soaps...well general hospital. infact next time someone gets married on one of the soaps im going to go to the wedding. this may be problematic with my lack of access to television, but i think that Big Dicks or The Pub would let me watch if i was buying food or drinks or something. that would be grand. okay well i had something particular to write about, that was interesting, but instead i just wrote a mundane monday blog.

sorry

i remembered the real point of the anecdote

im not going to france this spring. im just going to rot in windsor and get another job.


but the point was that the confessional people need to stop trying to pigeon hole me. i refuse to stand by anymore and listen to pigeonholing of any sort, be it of me or of things, ideas, classes, poems, other people, political systems
books
storesshoes
horseshoes
duck shoes
marshmallows
hot chocolate, unless its tim hortons hot chocolate being pigeon holed as the root of all evil (except my evil)

or um... my i think that my focus pants must have a hole in them cause all my focus keeps spilling out. im going to go see my mum.

why i love being a big sister

cause instead of going to 16th century lit classes i can spend the day in emerge dodging doctors and nurses.


hurray for oliver. don't worry he is healthier again now.


its upsetting though, i really wanted to go to 16th cent today. oh well i suppose there will always be thursday.

ps i wish i could go on holiday, or on reading week stress leave

(i think i already am on stress leave)

the point to the anecdote...

I just had a flashback, standing in my checker-tile floored kitchen, of what may be the first time i acted out of pure-evil. it may have been grade 4 or 5 at Jen heighingtons party. isn't that funny, Jen heighington went to Assumption here in windsor before coming to toronto...and now im in windsor. im not sure what that means, it might be karma. anyway. it was at heer birthday party with was late in october, and therefore themed around halloween. they had a fortune teller there who i refused to see, because i couldn't stand the presumption that this stranger could tell me any more about me than i already knew, i mean honestly i had lived with myself night and day for like a decade by that point, and she couldn't even pronounce my name (correctly). well i did eventually acquiess and have my fortune read, and do you know what that dummy told me? that my future was clouded and that all her cards were blank, i was unreadable. thanks for that! Anyway, i preceeded to fall into a deep meloncholy and when the other party goers wouldn't stop asking "whats wrong" i told them that when i was with the fortune teller i had got a vision of Jen drowning in the bobbing for apples container, and that it must have been true cause the fortune teller put the image in my head, and she was (as they all knew) a real fortune teller. Well i suppose i don't have to tell you that they wanted me to go home. teehee. it was okay, they weren't my friends, just the other girls in my class.

sigh... i had a reason for telling this story...what was it. oh yea, it was to tell off all of you suddenly confessional people. even when i was ten i was told that my fortune was unreadable, and so it hmmm this sounded intellegent when i started.

jen didn't drown bobbing for apples, although that may be because someone accidentally knocked over the tub and all the apples fell on the floor of the basement (which everyone knows has centapeeds on in at times).

it was thursday

hello, I'm pure evil, pleasure to meet you. i think my easetrough is about to fall off. interesting. anyway, i know you may have been beginning to think that maybe i was just bullshitting, but i assure you. nothing but evil here.


perhaps i should lay off high society for a bit, focus on the less fine things in life, like writing and drawing and taking pictures of things.

let me tell you a quick anecdote first, its funny i promise. well i think its funny. well maybe thats a lie, but i think you might be amused. or not, or maybe im just pure evil and there is no spoon or anecdote and im just forcing you to read on.


dream on.

Thursdays

i woke this morning, bright and early to write a paper on genre crossing. well, to finish the paper anyway. and it wasn''t bright at all, as far as outside was concerned it was still night time...but it was early. Anyway, i started making more notes in my note pad, but being fed up with that decided to just sit at my computer and write. i was about three pages into it when i decided i needed a post-vd- chocolate (the best kind of chocolate) so i reached passed the two empty wine glasses, a dry bottle of Lindmans bin55, between the empty micky of captain morgans spiced rum and a mini mickey of something that was attached to the morgans to pull a chocolate out of the red russle stovers heart shaped chocolate box. as i was eating the dark chocolate truffle i noticed peeking our from behind my laptop an empty beer bottle and looked up to see a shelf of other empty bottles, and it occured to me

i've missed recycling...again!


in case you were wondering, i was thinking about codeswitching this morning, and i think i should like to write about it at length when i finish my milton exam.

m

VD

and another thing, about the most best part of valentine's day, namely February 15th. My absolute most favourite thing about VD is the post VD chocolate sales!!! yea more chocolate in my life. 

 okay but seriously kids, what is up with the VP of the US shooting someone. isn't that just brilliant! I think that Steven Mckay should be taking careful notes. wouldn't it be something if Ross Paul (ppres of the U of Windsor) shot i dunno Eddie Fransis (mayor of windsor) for no apparent reason. just cause he was there. of course that would be a race issue so i guess Ross wouldn't get off so easily. but hey thats the genius of race issues. or of woman issues. i only have to say vagina once and all of a sudden its a "for women only" feminist blog. 

(wow how did i get here from vd chocolates?) oh well. i should be writing a paper and thinking deeply about milton (who rocks my freaking sox off). i think it will be wise to start bringing milton into all everyday conversations. A: hey Roo B: Hey A: how r you? B: can't complain. things are pretty balanced. A: is that so? B: well i have but to the pure all things are pure, and so im just handling it with the utmost prudence and temperance A: WTF B: Also speaking of temperance, don't you find it most disturbing to think what you should do with your time? people are always asking me "so what will you do..." And truth is i worry that i am adrift on a perfidious bark and that i may be shipwrecked before i manage to find a more -- A: yea, hey listen. i got class ... so and i'll continue the conversation with myself in here. oh milton what will you do next (nothing, you've been dead for hundreds of years) (It was a metaphor stupid) (not a very good one, metaphor for what)

VD

Isn't it a cliche for a woman not to post on her blog on valentine's day. Either because she feigns she doesn't realize that it is that day, or as though she somehow doesn't care (or perhaps doesn't post for fear that someone might think that she does). How wretched. I would feign to be cliche, and so here i am. posting on VD, which i learned today was, at one time, cured with mercury and steam baths. granted this treatment killed most patients, but none the less cured them of VD. I don't really have anything say about VD. im being kind of passive, my day was super full i forgot probably three serious tasks, which is (for those of you who know me) a most unusually anomaly, and signals to me that today really was full to the almost absolute brim. im all about faine-ing not feigning today cause ive been reading Astrophil and Stella. oh sidney...or perhaps astrophil, to have such a lover to scorn. what fun that could be. another thing i would like to bring up, which is unrelated but its my blog so i dont really care, oh it just went out of my head while i was having that little rant there...hmm. okay well i should be catching up sleep now. goodnight gentle warrior.

scratch

i feel like blogging, but i dont know what to blog about. life isn't really lifing just now. its kind of boring. im not sick anymore which i pleasant. i wrote a rather good essay, well not good, well maybe good, but the process of writing it was very pleasant which is a little new. well not totally new, but pleasant nonetheless. but the weather is pretty boring, so i suppose that's not bringing any drama into my life. and im not having nightmares (thank goodness) so thats pretty average. i have lots to do, but not really any stress (it would be nice if there was a little stress).

i find this to be often true that its all or none with pressure. id just like a failing grade of pressure like 42% or maybe even 37% or i suppose 17% but that might not be enough, i think i only have like 17% right now. but whatever.

im writing again, so that is nice. i think i should start walking lady again, i miss her, and her mum. id like to start drinking again too, but not really, maybe just eating bar food and playing billiards. or board games. i bought some, but i refuse to open them, in case i start playing boardgames with myself to procrastinate (though i bet that would help raise the stress level)

okay im going to go do some work before this thing has its scheduled meltdown

XL

i feel like im dying a little faster just now. all bets are on, and im done with toys that bring no fogs or clarity into my life.

what i love about being sick

midnight exanguinations!

followed closely by early morning nose bleeds
followed immediately by the nausea of swallowing more than a teaspoon of your own blood.

nappy is not very happy right now.

but on a lighter note, hmm no i dont think there is a lighter note right now. flu, you and i are no longer friends!

Nightmares

GAAAH!!! i don't want to be awake right now. but i can hear her. she's waiting to cut me into pieces when i fall back to sleep. fuck. she's on very channel. you know that, how sometimes when you get bored with a dream you can sort of blink and change to another dream, like they played on different channels, but she's there on all of them. ewweewww. okay time to think about other things.



maybe i will wake up dani. okay settle. i just received a random email. and i think im about to get sick. in like the next 3 hours or so. i want to go back to sleep. i think the dream is gone enough now. im going to go read till i fall back to sleep.

thanks world.

ebbs and flows

what outragous weather! it was like 10 C today. i freaking saw someone going yard work today. Shall i remind you that this is canada and the date would be january the 28th, my clocks don't know what to do. (dont you hate it when things are looking over your shoulder) anyway im going to watch my dearest atousa in a play with D. its a nice thing to do. Im stoked the play will be loverly. im going to take a note book (mental note).

so life has made a complete 360 in about 24hours. how nice. i like to about face. i found a great song that make me jump. i can't listen to it and not jump. sadly it was on a cd someone burned for me and didn't record the artist or title so i dont know what it is or who its by.

James blunt is so good. Michelle's Megan number 1 is cool too! i think i will have to go out on the town with her soon.

but about the about face. i met a dragon tree in canada. it was just stunning. completely stunning by the raceway lights. while out for a walk in "the bush" with Nathan aka jack aka tyler (aka has issues with language meaning what he wants [im sure thats projected by me...im comfortable with that im nuts]) but im happy. and calm, finally. lifes nice.

(ps im going to go dancing soon)

testimonial

i just read an interesting testimonial about the execution of Stan 'tookie' williams. very interesting indeed. execution is such a strange thing. that people go and watch an execution. i was watching pirates of the carribean, and its not like they sucessfully execute very many people in that film, but the intentions are all there. im baffeled a little by the idea that anyone could think that was an effective punishment. though i suppose he hasn't killed anyone since he was executed so ultimately i guess its working to reform his ways, but then again williams hasn't killed anyone since 1979 so i suppose that keeping him in jail was also pretty effectivly preventing the sypmtoms of his unrepenting ways. of course if you're of the camp who thinks he never killed anyone even in 1979 then i suppose letting him live was also effectively remedeeing the problem, but then he wouldn't have reformed if he hadn't been sent to jail or solitary confinment. but then what can i say. i don't know anything about it. i think im going to draw what im thinking tonite, cause these word just aren't cutting the rug.

Speaking of cutting a rug. i was dancing in the living room this morning and smartly put my knee out again. its a shame cause i has having a great morning of stretching and dancing and thinking and listening to good music like Lamya and James blunt. but i suppose a roo can't have everything. i would like to go read lysidas though. hmm. i should do that.

okay.

i want to

come back to this subject, but i will forget to if i don't make a note.
border identity, crossing rivers. water wars. having a murderess for a grandmother. finding out you are part austrailian, but not aboriginal but of the austrialan who were sent there as part of the penal colony. and i want to come back to the topic of loose and found and founding and gonzo and polyvocal performance and dance and editing and editing speech and speech editing and traps and snares and all of this that started this: being without ethnicity

e-age

i wonder if you are different ages in different places. sometimes i send emails and think, my goodness, i must be 8. and other times one might read them as though i were 85. i worry about being 85.

i received 8 emails between 11:30 pm and 6:00 am. isn't that odd. while i was sleeping the world was trying to communicate with me, or to me at least. and now im up working on a paper, thinking about how bizare life is.

id like to work, while im young and hip, in layout and design. it looks like logic puzzles, i think im going to ask karen monk if she would like to take on a coop student. or aybe i will find out if she went to school for that sort of thing.

basketball boy dairies

i wrote about phillip sydney a few days bck. i just like to revisit him (in the 16th century) and think about words fit to be written and deeds fit to be done and all that.

i wish there were english games, where all english students from different schools come together and read and discuss and play and fuck it would be good. I was volunteering at the science games. those kids are soo cool.

now i would like to tell you a story about another subject near and dear to my heart: dancing. I have also pointed out before the importance of people leading in a dance. gentlemen, let me assure you saying "wow you're such a good dancer" does NOT compensate for anything. especially your own crappy or non dancing! if i wanted men to watch me dance i would become a stripper. got it! So you say to yourself, but roo i really don't know how to dance. to which i respond, piffel! its easy and i will give you a brief tutorial. 1. You cannot lead while holding my ass. one hand, at least, should be on the small of the back (which is located about four fingers below the bra strap, sadly i never wear bras, so you would have to use your imagination or ceative juices when leading me). This way you can support my weight and move me easily (your other hand can either hold mine ala tango or ballroom or can i dunno be creative). 2. You dont have to be fancy, but you do have to turn me at least once. Don't let the lady instigate the turn and go with it. I will love dancing with you forever with one turn. 3. some times we don't have to dance together. As a former ravers (its just what our generation is) sometimes i just want to be free.

Now. if you don't feel up to this challenge, be prepared for me to make fun of you with my friends, or with your friends. Im not saying don't come up, but learn. Then lead!

just

what a word. i was taking hits of it through my nose. sips and drips of just this. something else.

can i just write to you and it will be like talking to myself but for my own ego i will have a real audience. face down on the mattress. and then i can keep running from instigation, i can keep reacting and causing reaction and all will be fine.

oh can i just send you a hello. a smile. a trick.