Temperance

Just give it some time. If it still seems important in five minutes of five hours or five days or the next time when the time folds in such a way that we are here again, the decided how to act. Take in the knowledge. Read. Breathe, in through my nose, into my belly, into my pelvis, into my thighs, into my knees, breathe. Out my physical self, out my spiritual self, out my intellectual and sexual and social and political and egotistical self. Go on and call me out, and face the reality. There is still a world. Until I die, I am still alive. Whether I am in or called out, I am in existance. You are. In love.

Just give it some time. It will still be important in five minutes or five hours or five days ot the next time the time folds in on itself and I find myself here...again. Its like a breath that travels in and is exchanged, it is different what comes in and what goes out. And I am still free. I am still important. Still alive. Still breathing. Still. The stillness of myself is the certainty that I can be on top again. I can get down again. I can. and time won't tell me anything.

But it is, still.

So here is a little gift of temperance. Let the worry be something else, let it turn into a plant, and water it, and give it love, and then the worry will be beautiful instead of troubling. And it can be part of my forest. There the boredom bush, my worry vine. This is my friendship flower, and my shyness shrub. Here i have just a plant, and that one is a power plant. This one is my frustration and this one beside it my hate plant. But i love them all, and care and nuture them because they are all ppaprt of my world. They are all real, they exist and i believe they exist, and besides...they are beautiful.

One fifth of Canadians Immigrants.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7128172.stm That right...actually about 95% of Canadians are immigrants...in fact all Canadians are in some what immigrants as that possible margin is of our First Nations, who are only Canadian by merit of living on the land that has been named Canada. But the article is interesting. It talks about the changing "traditional" face of the Anglo-European Canadian. Let's be honest, that was the traditional face in like the 16th or 17th century...and then Canada wasn't in existence. But anyway. I like the article because it expresses no surprise about the diversity of Canada, no frustrations about immigrants "over loading our system," no hard feelings that bilingualism is on the rise, but not in French and English, or worry that over 20% of Canadians have neither English or French as their first or second languages. That's right! Feel the glory of diversity, of itchy stitching of diverse peoples together. I wish we could talk about it more. Nobody really cares though, I guess its just me, so proud of my status as a "New Canadian," to be an immigrant to such a great place.

England fears the lure of the 2012 games for human traffikers

And rightly they should be anxious. Maybe not fearful, but alert and aware of the reality. Here is some things that make me doubt that there is any awareness however, about what it means to traffik a person, what it means to force someone into prostitutions

"He [Mr Croaker] said prostitutes' clients could face prosecution for rape: "If we have got a situation where a man knowingly has sex with a woman he knows is not freely consenting to that, then I think that that could be considered as rape."

What does that man's knowing have to do with it. The woman is not freely concenting to sex. Therefore, SHE IS NOT FREELY CONCENTING TO SEX. I don't understand where the

possibility lies. That would be rape.

This is the same debate that happens when women "cry" rape against sexual partners who use drugs or alcohal. When stats came out in 1994 that 1 in 4 women have been raped, people balked at the statistic, because a flirtatious girls is "asking for it" evn if they are "technically" to drunk to say either way.

this is exhausting me. Which makes me think i need to reflect more on the topic of prostitution. sex. concent. immorality...and i probably shouldn't do it while knee deep in the SCUM manifesto.

Im loosing grip on my English

What is a "brizzial girl"? Im sure i was trying to write Brazilian... i dunno, but my ability to write in comprehensible english is rapidly eroding...i want to go back to school.

Assault, assualt a salt on a piece of toast

Okay, this is a weird thing to wonder, but I wonder anyway, do you think ...well first i should explain where the wonder came from. There is a nwes article today that says a 15 year old brazillian girl was left in a cell with 20-30 men for a month, and repeatedly raped for the duration of her time in the cell. I wonder though with that level of abuse if the body would reject any possibly conceived child. Of course it is possible this girl is still premenstrual. But i wonder because i recently read a very stupid article about a study that concluded women walk less sexily when they are fertile (ie ovulating); the researchers concluded that this may be to reduce likelihood of a sexual attack during the fertile period (further it may be a mechanism promoting monogamy because the signals of fertility are more subtle and could only be detected by a close regular partner...right).

I found the articles conclusion outrageous, but its got me thinking about the possibility that we have biological mechanisms that prevent unwanted pregnancies...or no thats not right... that prevent pregnancies as a result of a violence/sexual assault/ sexual act carried out without concent or from a non-commensal relationship.

The article about the brizzial girl made no comment about weather the girl was pregnant, although, judging by the severe emotional and physcial trauma she underwent coupled with the fact that she may not have been getting food (as the article stated the men would take her food and only return it for sex etc.

anyway. i wonder a bit about the world.

On a lighter note...well no its still pretty macarbre, if she is sentenced of a crime in the end im sure her lawyers can argue she has already more than served the prison time due for her original offence.

The challenge of being Canadian...we just don't get it.

"This is not a racist party. It is a German party. We want Germany to stay German and we do not want to be overwhelmed by invaders or intruders"

That quote comes from a troubling article on BBC today, and its funny how as a Canadian I think I am ill-prepared to face these sorts of issues. For me I don’t understand how any land, any area cannot be anyone’s area. It is almost as if the confusion/complexion by the Natives when the Europeans first arrived and tried to buy the land has become ingrained in my Canadian sentiment and understanding of the world. In Canada, everyone—except terrorists (and sometimes even terrorists)—is welcome. And they aren’t just welcome with certain conditions. They are welcome with open arms New Canadians aren't welcome to fill jobs old(er)-Canadians don’t want to do (as if there is such a thing); they aren't welcome to bolster some part of our economy; they aren’t welcome because our birthrate is low and we need someone to take care of us as we grow older; they are welcome to come be Canadian, to come join the quilt. If that is to be a factory worker, so be it; a cab driver, so be it; a doctor, so be it (I wish it were easier for them too); a carer for a family member...the world is welcome, with the only condition that you come and join us in what ever facet you are capable of. So when I read statements like the one above, made by a German MP, I just don't know how to understand, I am ill prepared to understand that some places I guess aren't open. As if new people will change what it inherently is. As if by living in Korea I somehow make this place less Korean. Or by living in Germany or Japan i some how dilute the history and traidition of the place. But i chuckle, because by living in Canada I, and everyone like me, make that place more Canadian.

A similar phenomenon is being reported about in Japan. That they see their birthrate is low so they want to bring in foreigners to fill low-wage, low-skill jobs. Korea as well, believes that foreigners can only come to fill an economic role in society, but not to really join in. It’s as if we are only welcome on a short term contract. So for example the only way I would really be welcome to stay in Korea would be to marry a Korean man. I couldn’t marry another foreigner and live here…it would just be too weird. I would be invading, intruding where I am not really that welcome.
So, how to face this? I’m not really sure. But I suppose recognizing it is a first step.

Erect; according to the OED

Im looking for a new word to replace vexatiously...any suggestions?

I. trans. To elevate in direction or position.

1. To direct upwards; to lift up (the eyes, hands, etc.). Also to erect up. Obs.

1609 Man in Moone (1849) 39 Erect thy countenance, like a man. 1635 E. PAGITT Christianogr. I. ii. (1636) 61 The Bishop..erecting his hands stood all the while with his face to the Altar. a1634 CHAPMAN Revenge Hon. Wks. 1873 III. 337 Good sir, erect your looks. 1704 SWIFT T. Tub Wks. 1760 I. Introd. 26 To stand with their mouths open, and erected.
fig. 1548 GEST Pr. Masse 117 Having our mindes erected up into heaven. 1629 H. BURTON Babel no Bethel 4 Wee erect our best attention to this motion. 1690 NORRIS Beatitudes (1694) I. 54 The Minds of Men began to be more generally erected towards Heaven.
b. To put up on high; to lift up (the head); also, to hoist up. Obs.

1552 ABP. HAMILTON Catech. (1884) 52 Moyses..made & ereckit a brassin ymage of a serpent. 1567 Trial Treas. in Hazl. Dodsley III. 273 That thou are nat erected, in faith, it is pity, As high as three trees and a halter will reach. 1611 CORYAT Crudities 9 A little chappell..wherein is erected the picture of Christ and the Virgin Mary. 1696 TATE & BRADY Ps. xxiv. 7 Erect your Heads, eternal Gates. 1767 Babler I. 224 However we may erect the crest upon the superior dignity of manhood.
2. To exalt in consideration or dignity; to raise to eminence or importance; elevate to office; in earlier use, to raise to (a kingdom); to set up for, to be (an emperor, king, etc.). Also to erect up.

1432-50 tr. Higden (Rolls) I. 283 Grete Charles..was erecte to the kyngedome of Fraunce after the dethe of his fader. 1549-62 STERNHOLD & H. Ps. lxxxix. 20 A man of might I have erect your king and guide to be. 1583 Exec. for Treason (1675) 27 Bishops, who in the Popes name had erected him up. a1592 GREENE Jas. IV, Wks. (1861) 198 He shall erect your state and wed you well. 1611 SPEED Hist. Gt. Brit. VI. xlii. 3 The Ægyptians erected one Saturninus a Captaine..for Emperour. a1631 DONNE in Select. fr. Donne (1840) 16 Thou shalt find..as many records of attainted families..as of families newly erected and presently celebrated. 1656 BRAMHALL Replic. vi. 238 Lawfull for the King and Church of England..to have erected a new Primate. 1709 STEELE Tatler No. 130 2 We have seen..Monarchs erected and deposed.
b. To elevate into or unto (a specified condition). Obs.

1508 FISHER Wks. 254 They were erecte vnto eternal lyfe. 1589 R. ROBINSON in Farr S.P. Eliz. (1845) II. 364 Erect my spirite into thy blisse.
II. To raise to an upright position.

3. To raise, set upright (the body, oneself, etc.); to rear (a standard). Also fig.

1573 TUSSER Husb. (1878) 5 Erecting one most like to fall. 1602 MARSTON Ant. & Mel. II. Wks. 1856 I. 25 Ladie, erect your gratious simmetry. 1646 SIR T. BROWNE Pseud. Ep. II. iii. 74 If unto the powder of Loadstone or Iron we admove the North pole of the Loadstone, the powders or small divisions will erect and conforme themselves thereto. 1730 A. GORDON Maffei's Amphith. 93 The Charioteers sometimes bowed to the Ground, then erected themselves on high. 1750 JOHNSON Rambler No. 6 3 The necessity of erecting our~selves to some degree of intellectual dignity. 1774 GOLDSM. Nat. Hist. (1776) VII. 49 The muscle..is capable of erecting itself on an edge. 1818 JAS. MILL Brit. India II. IV. iii. 97 Erected against Aliverdi the standard of revolt. 1877 MRS. OLIPHANT Makers Flor. xiii. 325 His weak frame erected itself.

b. Optics. To restore (an inverted optical image) to an upright position.

1831 BREWSTER Newton (1855) I. x. 245 Without using two glasses, the object may be erected.

c. intr. for refl. To straighten oneself, assume an upright position.

1626 BACON Sylva (1631) §827 By Wet, Stalkes doe erect, and Leaues bow downe.

4. To set upright (a member of the body); to prick up (the ears); also Phys. (chiefly in pass.), to render turgid and rigid any organ containing erectile tissue.

1626 BACON Sylva (1637) §266 You..erect your Eare, when you would heare attentiuely. 1718 ROWE tr. Lucan I. 540 At ev'ry Shout [the horse] erects his quiv'ring Ears. 1796 BURKE Regic. Peace Wks. VIII. 318 That this faction..does erect its crest upon the engagement, there can be little doubt.
5. fig. from 3, 4. To rouse, stir up, excite, embolden (the mind, oneself). Obs.

a1568 COVERDALE Treat. Death I. xvi, We ought to erect and comfort ourselves with the resurrection. 1605 BACON Adv. Learn. II. iv. §2 It doth raise and erect the mind. 1654 R. CODRINGTON tr. Hist. Ivstine 314 With this Victory the courages of the Sicilians were erected. 1665 J. SERGEANT Sure-footing 201 His Book coming forth..my Expectation was now erected. a1668 DENHAM (J.), Why should not hope As much erect our thoughts, as fear deject them? a1734 NORTH Lives (1826) II. 131 He found his spirits low, and thought to..erect them by a glass or two of sherry.
b. occas. To stimulate (in a physical sense).

1620 VENNER Via Recta (1650) 273 It..erecteth the digestive faculty of the stomack.
6. To elate with pride. Obs.

1631 R. H. Arraignm. Whole Creature 137 Least..the contemplation of their proud plumes and feathers too much erect them and puffe them up.
III. To set on a foundation, construct, establish.

7. To set up (a building, statue, framework, etc.); to rear, build. Also to erect up.

1417 in Ellis Orig. Lett. II. 19. I. 59 He hath erected a new tower upon the same for a warde. 1555 EDEN Decades W. Ind. I. IV. (Arb.) 80 The inhabitantes sawe newe buyldynges to bee dayly erected. 1570 ABP. PARKER Corr. (1853) 372 Intending..to erect up certain iron mills. 1593 SHAKES. 2 Hen. VI, III. ii. 80 Erect his Statue, and worship it. 1664 EVELYN Kal. Hort. (1729) 229 Erect on the out-side Wall your Stove..of Brick. 1692 O. WALKER History Illustrated 288 Gallus lamented much his death, and erected him a Sepulchre. 1701 DE FOE True-born Eng. I. 1 Where~ever God erects a House of Prayer The Devil always builds a Chappel there. 1796 H. HUNTER tr. St. Pierre's Stud. Nat. (1799) I. 446 He erects trophies. 1825 J. NICHOLSON Operat. Mechanic 190 An engine was erected in the vicinity of Bath..on this principle. 1848 MACAULAY Hist. Eng. II. 16 A more peaceful class erected silk manufactories in the eastern suburb of London. 1856 FROUDE Hist. Eng. (1858) II. ix. 382 The scaffold had been awkwardly erected.
¶To build (a vessel).

1650 SIR J. BURROUGHS in Wealth of Gt. Brit. (1749) 33 By erecting two hundred and fifty busses..there will be employment for one thousand ships.
b. fig. To build up (a theory, conclusion, etc.), set up (a pretension). Also absol.

1646 SIR T. BROWNE Pseud. Ep. I. vii. 25 Our advanced beliefs are not to be built upon dictates, but..[we] are to erect upon the surer base of reason. a1704 LOCKE (J.), Malebranche erects this proposition, of seeing all things in God, upon their ruin. 1818 JAS. MILL Brit. India II. V. ii. 350 The pretension erected by Mr. Hastings..would destroy one great source of the evidence. 1864 J. H. NEWMAN Apol. 195 It was necessary for us to have a positive Church theory erected on a definite basis.
8. a. Geom. To set up or draw (a perpendicular to a given line); to construct (a triangle, etc. upon a given base). b. Astrol. and Astron. To ‘set up’ (a figure of the heavens).

a1646 J. GREGORY Assyr. Mon. in Posth. (1650) 215 This was the figure of the Heavens..Astronomically calculated and erected according to Tycho's tables. 1660 BARROW Euclid I. x, Upon the line given AB erect an equilateral triangle. a1672 WOOD Life (1848) 73 After Lillie (the astronomer) had erected his figure, he told her, etc. 1715 KERSEY, To Erect a Figure, to divide the 12 Houses a-right. 1815 SCOTT Guy M. iv, He accordingly erected his scheme, or figure of heaven. 1828 J. H. MOORE Pract. Navig. 44 On B erect the perpendicular BA. 1887 T. B. REED O.E. Lett. Found 182 He [Moxon] professes to be able to erect in any other square..the same letter.
9. To set up, establish, found (an office, court of justice, corporation, institution, etc.); to initiate, set on foot (a project, scheme). Obs. or arch. exc. in Law.

1565 J. CALFHILL Answ. Treat. Crosse (1846) 24 A pilgrimage in Wales was straight erected. 1570 in Strype Ann. Ref. I. lvii. 626 The Divinity lecture, erected by the noble lady Margaret. 1602 WARNER Alb. Eng. X. lviii. (1612) 254 This League was halowed..gainst all That worke the gospell to erect. 1651 HOBBES Leviath. I. xv. 73 There is no Civill Power erected over the parties promising. 1663 MARVELL Corr. Wks. 1872-5 II. xl. 88 Courts of Merchants to be erected in some..ports of the nation. 1683 Royal Proclam. in Lond. Gaz. No. 1856/1 The Office of Post-Master General hath been Erected by Act of Parliament. 1743 TINDAL tr. Rapin's Hist. Eng. II. 151 note, This year Queen Elizabeth erected the East-India Company. 1761-2 HUME Hist. Eng. II. xli. 415 The Jesuits, a new order of regular priests erected in Europe. 1792 N. CHIPMAN Amer. Law Rep. (1871) 12 The statute has erected a summary jurisdiction. 1818 JAS. MILL Brit. India II. V. ix. 702 The ministerial board erected by Mr. Pitt. a1862 BUCKLE Civiliz. (1869) III. iii. 125 Two Courts of High Commission were erected. 1865 H. PHILLIPS Amer. Paper Curr. II. 56 Congress resolved to erect a lottery.
b. To raise (an armed force); to form (a nation). Obs.

1480 CAXTON Chron. Eng. III. (1520) 24/2 These two erected an hoost ayenst Hanyball. 1598 BARRET Theor. Warres II. i. 20 When a Companie is newly leuied and erected, etc. a1618 RALEIGH (J.), He suffers seventy-two distinct nations to be erected out of the first monarchy under distinct governours. 1680 HICKES Spir. Popery 71 The Cess..for erecting and maintaining the foresaid additional Forces. 1698 J. CRULL Muscovy 123 A new Body of Militia should be erected in their stead.
10. to erect into [cf. Fr. ériger en]: to constitute or form into (e.g. an organization, municipality, territorial division, etc.); to set up as (a rule or precedent); to invest with the rank or character of; to represent as.

1670-98 R. LASSELS Voy. Italy Pref. 1, I had not the least thought..of erecting myself into an Authour. 1710 STEELE Tatler No. 56 1 For the Sharpers..are by Custom erected into a real and venerable Body of Men. 1718 Col. Rec. Penn. III. 58 The sd. town might be Erected into a Borough by a Charter, etc. a1768 ERSKINE Inst. Law Scotl. (1773) 345 By secularizing, or, in our law-style, erecting most of the monasteries into temporal lordships. 1796 H. HUNTER tr. St. Pierre's Stud. Nat. (1799) III. 455 The Officers of an inferior order..erected themselves into seignorial proprietors. 1818 JAS. MILL Brit. India II. V. viii. 669 He could erect every interference in that sovereignty into an act of guilt. 1821 SCOTT Kenilw. vii, Her majesty was minded to erect the town into a staple for wool. 1822 M. A. KELTY Osmond I. 158 You..erect him into a standard of right and wrong. 1839 J. YEOWELL Anc. Brit. Ch. xi. (1847) 110 Valentia..was erected into a province. 1860 MILL Repr. Govt. (1865) 54/2 That portion..whom the institutions of the country have erected into a ruling class.
¶11. ? Used for ARRECT, DIRECT.

1526 SKELTON Magnyf. 2507 Unto me formest this processe is erectyd. 1655 M. CARTER Hon. Rediv. (1660) Ep. Ded., No more then the Subject of it [i.e. Honour] erects.

I secretly want to punch English in the transitive verb

I am really troubled by the expression "I cannot forgive them for what they have done" or "We cannot forgive them" or "We can never forgive them." What do you mean....never? 

There is no possible situation that you could fathom forgiving the perceived harm that has been done? I find it particularly troubling when monks and priests say these sorts of things. Forgiveness is our greatest gift. We can always forgive someone...can't we?? Even those most heinous WWII criminal is eventually forgiven, we find the space in our hearts and minds to allow that they acted how they acted, that they were punished and repented (in some form or other), that you and i have survived, have found a better life since (and more often than not, because of) their actions. Why not forgive these people? 

Even the person who takes your life...merely sends you and those you loved (or who loved you since you are dead now) into a new place, a new world that you are not a part of, where your legacy for forgiveness love and human compassion lives on without you to practice it. 

 Even those who taunt and tease and hurt you in all sorts of imaginable and unimaginable ways are one day forgiven...it is difficult, but why not say so. "I find it really difficult to forgive this harm, this person, these deeds" or "It is hard for me to forgive them." At least this sort of language leaves space for humanity, leaves space for the possibility that through the hard work and determination of both parties forgiveness may come, and human peace for some time return.

Marching

Here the sound only of renovation, growth and change, to mark this day. And children are giving chocolates as though st valintine were watching over the thousands who stand, bound looking out on their twenty four minutes of silence.

To seems always to be filled with a strange sort of confusion, if i look behind me i can see it spanning the years. The confusion of the silence, of the tears, of the colours and sounds. The gentle tap of the drum. The long breaths through pipes.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.


We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.


Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

— John McCrae

Radio paradise

So my successes of the day...

1. had the craziest cycling dream with 7 kilometres of stairs...and escalators that both go up and down at the same time depending what you desire...
2. safely accepted the return of a pair of socks and scarf from different hostage situations.
3. did korean homework...im such a good student :|
4. walked 7 kilometers back and forth in my apartment
5. editing with the Custodian in anticipation of her presentation that isn't worth 20% of her life.
6. decided i needed freshair and went for a walk ending up at won mart to get food
7. bought pipecleaners...for no particular reason ;)
7b. did some secret stuff
8. made kickass chicken soup
9. made apple crumble...in a tinfoil dish, cooked in a toaster oven
10. ate chicken soup with apple crumble and vanilla icecream for dessert (although i ate dessert first cause i am allowed to)
11. cleaned out my hard drive...ie moved 6000 photos to my external drive and sorted them...wow that took some time
12. well there isnt really a 12, im just chilling listening to some killer music thinking about was paradisal thing to do next. All and all a very good november the 10th. Oh isnt that funny, i think it is Casey Maxwell's birthday today. Happy birthday, child from another life. Hope life is treating you well. But stil i managed to accomplish 11 things, and i slept till 11am...can you believe it!!! i know...i must have got up and forgot that i got up...but i did, or was awoke but a hostage taker at 11.
If i learn nothing in Korea it seems i will learn how to sleep. Maybe.

Mj

Partners

It is a word with many meanings. But today i am thinking about the partnerships between people. The different types of agreements that we have with friends and looved ones with coworkers and collegues. The different connections and how the fuse and fizzel as they rub against each other.

Its kind of a lonely place out here in Asia. The temporariness of it (to make a word do what i want it to) makes it difficult to get into the business of partnering. Of making connections that have more use than someone who will split a cab back into the country with you. Though perhaps that has as much to do with my perpetual aluffness...who knows.

Partners

Its an intersting idea, to be a partner to something. the roles and changing roles of partnership. Particularly looking at some of the changing roles and partnerships currently occuring in the political world. Tony Blair is out of parliment and instead of finding anew George Brown BUsh partnership, Sarkozy has brought France back into a state of friendship, once again the US may eat French Fries...maybe. Russia as always a confusing political entity, especially for those of us who live and have been trained in the possibility of capitalism, are ever confused by their motives and their moves interntaionally. Are they past the Stalinist communist movements of the early 20th century, or the strange (for me in the wst) Cold War USSR? Is Putin's Russia still pursuing the same inhumane devotion to a great leader, a ruler to who you owe your life, who has every right to plague and annex not only his own people but the people of other nations.

I feel as though Russia is increasingly in the news as the underhand in the undermining of eastern european stability. Could it be they are seeking to sweep in and annex the whole area in hopes of expanding their empire? Im just not sure...i think Russia maybe an necessary stepping stool to understanding north Korea (a current fascination of mine)..

Anyway, im intrigued and will have to debate more about the possibilities and properties of partnership.

Dont want to teach today

What an unday it is today. I just dont want to do any of this nonsense. i think i need a new strategy in class, cause im not going to last at this rate. think about that later. right now i want to go home and write and draw and not sit infront of a computer and not rest my arms on a desk, and not have this stupid mozzi bites.

Japan was lovely, for those who knew i went. 8 days of beautiful Japanese country-side surrounded by mountains on every front, no internet or phone so i had no excuses not to do things i wanted to do and not to send email and check in on blogs and books and nonsense that i dont want to maintain anymore. Loved all of it from the squat toilets to the public bedays and fancy toilets with "flushing sounds" buttons...for the timid trickler

I suppose its good that I'm low today cause tomorrow is my favourite day, so i can be high all day with my day off. we will see...

right another class to not prep for...sounds like fun.

mj

Woke up like Judy

I definitely woke up drunk without a voice. Noribong it is time that you and i had a little breather...crimey. I went to be listnening to music...i think. I made canadian breakfast before that...to sunrise. i think i must have burned myself because my hand hurts like its been burned, but i dont know on what. i wrote a love letter to Judy girl. i rode in an elevator... i seem to remember. i danced in an flat, and climbed in through a window...from inside the apartment (only in Korea can you be in an apartment and still climb into someones room through the window. We laughed we laughed we laughed we laugh till tears run down my face. i held a cigarette...for at least and hour. i walked in the rain. i sang to my students. i talked about volcanoes...and now im counting down (oh goodness, i'm gasping for air down till saturday)

10 things i love about Korea

10. The places you find corn, like in an egg sandwich or on ice-cream.
9. The random free food that people bring for you to eat; like a single serving of rice cake big enough to feed North Korean or egg sandwiches with corn in them.
8. Fan death: I am so glad that I now have learned the dangers of sleeping with a fan on and the windows and doors closed (I leave my cupboard door open at all times now to protect me from my killer fan).
7. The language is very easy to learn: Just say annyonghaseyo then point to what ever you want.
6. The disbelief that a foreigner can use chopsticks. It’s like the best party trick I have ever done (apparently the table napkin penis is out and chopsticks are in in in)
5. Drinking at 7/11 before Nori Bonging the night…or morning...you know I don’t think I have been to Noribong at night yet...
4. That fall is upon this little peninsula and the weather is immaculate
3. The business of shared lunches, especially with the native teachers because their food totally rocks.
2. The amazing Imports you meet here. Like Judith, her lover, the others, plus the millions of Canadians (on Saturday I met a whole plane load of Canadians that seemed to all be from Southwestern Ontario (I could tell because, like true Souwesterners they wore clothing that identified where they came from…ie BEACH, WILFRED LAURIER, Property of the LANCERS etc.), unfortunately because of #5 I was in no fit state to find out where they were headed, even though I knew at least one of them).
1. How close it is to Japan. See you soon Mr. Archer.

Oh I had a horrible nightmare last night. All giants and zombies, and the Duke of Edinborough and yea, it was horrid. But I’m awake now, so life is better.

Lady M

Growing sideways

Said so long to my mother this morning. Exhale, we are in this both feet and a full jug of wine. Just me and Gran at home now. She’s getting better and brighter each day, though she sleeps most of the day and night. But that’s expected having spent a month in bed in the hospital with all sorts of drugs and pills and surgical procedures. The doctor’s are very happy though, they are not going to put her through chemotherapy; they believe they got the whole tumour one shot. There is something to be said for being stubborn and always right. If she’d been to see the doctor and had an exam even 6 months ago they would have been all lets go through radiation and surgery and all a big deal. Her way she gets instant emergency surgery, takes care of the whole lot one time, and that is that. Still, it is a reckless way to go about it.
So I’ve missed a few days, and missed some big stories on the way. Thursday (the 12th) we drove up to Marlborough by way of Salisbury. We stopped in at Stonehenge, which was weird, but cool none the less. I think it's odd to pay to see such things, and you weren’t allowed within 15 metres of the thing. Plus there were loads of people all gaggling about, so that was weird too…it seems like it should be a solitary experience. The oddest thing about it is that is doesn’t open until nearly 4 hours after sunrise, and like everything in England (apparently) it closes at 5pm. How does a stone megalith have hours of operation…
Anyway, after the walk around the henge (with the handheld audio tour) we went to Marlborough to visit my mum’s cousin, Virginia. She is just something perfect. She was talking about her brother who has just bought a property for £2.5 million, to which she quickly added she would never go and visit him there. I agree. Although property prices are a fair bit inflated here, I say a two bedroom cottage like my Gran’s advertised for £465,000. Which if it was Canadian dollars I could maybe understand as its kind of a high demand area, but that are in pound sterling…that’s close to a million dollars Canadian for a two bedroom bungalow.
Virginia’s two youngest children Jo and John were there, they are just lovely; so bright and inquisitive and gracious. Plus they had absolutely shocking red hair, just lovely.
We did lots more driving, visited Silbury Hill, which is the tallest man made mound in Europe…or at least in England…but I think it was in Europe. And they are just doing examination of it, and the preliminary findings that are coming out say that it was built in similar fashion to the pyramids, so I think they are looking to see if they can find a grave down there somewhere.

Of course when I’m saying we, I mean mum, me and my cousin Joe. Then it was off to Avebury, which is the real oldest stone ring in Europe. And it’s huge, and there is a city right through the middle of it. And the ring and ditch around it is all sheep pasture. That was lovely, and you could go right up and press your face against them.

That’s about all there is to report for now, my hands are getting sore. Just I walked down the high street today and saw this wonderful British sign, so enjoy. Lady M.

Welcome home granny

Happy Birthday Oli! That’s right, my little brother is now legal to drunk everywhere. In the forests of BC (that he is currently building), in the Mexican towns of the united states, in the back alley pubs of England (where he has been legal to drunk for 5 years) and in the beach front shanties of the Caribbean.


Oh that was Granny, she is being released at 2 this afternoon. After 32 days in hospital she is now coming home. She is much happier and healthier than when she went in at least. But boy will she be surprised to see what mum and I have been up to since our arrivals. I’m actually glad to get out of the house soon. We’re going in to South Hampton to do some shopping and walking about and collect Gran.
I’m kind of really missing Canada just now, leaving in such a rush is not advisable, that is for sure. To anyone planning to get away for a year or so, be a bit more organized than I was…I still have to repack all my bags because things for England are in both suitcases.
Last night mum and I went through a whole bunch of letters and photos. There was an entire album it seemed that Shadow would have loved, all sail boats and architecture. My Granddad’s photos from his various adventures.
I’m still very travel fatigued, it’s not really jet lag (even though my computer tells me it is 7:40, and I’ve already been up for hours painting, washing windows, moving furniture, breaking stuff…). But I think that just travelling regardless of facing time zones is tiring, or confusing, my body can quite figure out that time is still passing, it feels like I’ve only been here a day, but already its been 3. Anyway.
Time to go get ready to get Granny. Check in later.

Lady M

Cigarette's and Coffee, hold the coffee

We spent the day washing walls, photographing tattoo’s and cooking. Made an amazing rosemary roast chicken. Jessie, mum’s niece was by for the day and while mum drove Anna back to Littlehampton, we played at granny’s. Played I suppose should be used loosely, cleaned the pond and washed walls is more like it. I can hear my accent shifting a bit already, all my vowels are very long again, its funny to be in England like this. The major thing I find though that makes you sound British, is not the accent but the diction. You call things all sorts of funny stuff, flats, mates, rubbish, lou or lavatory. There are other things too, words you don’t think you know, or wouldn’t think to use normally that just come out. Its very interesting. I think I should like to read about it, about I supposed the psychology of language use, and the compulsion to adopt a diction zone while you habituate it. Its different too, here in the country no one comments on your accent, but I know the cousins in London will be horrid about it. But there are also loads of them, rather than here where there is just Jessie or Joe really. (There’s one…loads…back home I would have said lots or tons, but I wrote loads, it sounded right…anyway). So I’m at Joe’s now (well, Uncle Ian’s really) trying to get on the internet (I’ve been writing in word, since there doesn’t seem to be wireless available at granny’s, but the network won’t recognize me here, I think. It’s weird there are two empty bottles of scotch and an empty Jack Daniel’s in the window. But I swear Joe is just 18…already he is emptying bottles of hard liquor. I suppose its something that comes with much practice, he probably started drinking before I did, even though I think I’m four years older. Well this connection just isn’t going, so I’m going to get on Joe’s computer and try that way. Hope this gets posted eventually. Lady M

Traveling

I was very excited for 7.7.7 and I didn’t get to make an entry on it cause it was only 19h instead of the usual 24. That’s the trouble with travelling east. So yes, the plane was very late taking off, but I did watch most of Seb’s game in the airport as a result. Then once we took off and I finally let myself fall to sleep it was only a couple hours before we arrived at sunrise (by my calculations it was about 3am…bloody time zones). Then we took a lovely tour of England, and Ireland, and France, and the English channel while we queued to get our landing spot. Then of course I followed orders of the signs that said British passports here everyone else in that slow moving line over there. After snaking through an hour of immigration rope I get to the wicket and the lady says, “What’s the purpose of you…oh you were born here, could of taken the other line dear, enjoy you trip.” Stamp. Six month multiple entry visa. So I navigated us to Littlehampton, to pick up mum’s sister Anna. We had some hippy shit there, no not the Canadian kind, it had peas and stuff in it. Hopefully, its not the most deadly thing that I could be eating for dinner, on the news at eleven. Finally we made it to South Hampton to the hospital to visit with granny. She looked very well, she’s hoping to come home tomorrow evening. We could only chat for a bit though, cause visiting hours were almost over and I was falling asleep. Of course, we took the scenic route through the New Forest to see all the horses. Wild horses everywhere, and they have all just foaled so there were tons of fuzzy little monsters running around. Only the kitchen is the same size it used to be in Gran’s house. With the beautiful red walls and tiny little fridge. Okay can’t stay on long, I don’t know about the charger here. Peace Lady M

Travelling, gotta love it.

So I'm all set to go, got just about everything I could before leaving. made it to the airport, my luggage was way over but didnt hav to pay. said my tata got through the sequrity...two hour delay...right. at least i can buy internet access and watch Sebastine's game before i head out...thats pretty nice.

be in touch

m

Au Revoir Canada

So here it is, my last day in Canada. For a while at least. I still have a lot to get done, well some money stuff, ya know. But i think that this morning is for sitting in the garden watching the koi (they are getting big) and drinking tea.

 Thanks Windsor for this and that. For the friends and lovers, for the drinks and rugby, for the writing and publishing, the books books books and books. Thanks for being Windsor and smelling, cause super rat's can respect that! 

 Alright time for tea. Lady M

Hello women, How are you all? In good mind, body and health I hope. So I was thinking that I would ask a huge (little) favour of all of you. You see, I'm sort of working on this poem, or play, or story, or research report, or gonzo type project, and I need some other voices and opinions to harmonize with. I know most of you are probably thinking, you don't even know who I am, or perhaps didn't have this woman in a class once, or why does my grand daughter, coach, tutor, research assistant want my help for a poem, or play or story or research report or gonzo sort of thing. It's a cliteracy project (giggle, I know it's a funny word). And I've found that it takes more than one to know one. Cliterature is asking and writing and drawing and photographing and painting gynocentric, woman-positive …things…. You see it all started some months ago when a serious apathy for all things began brewing in this poor little Roo; and I said Maryszka you need to get some good vibes into your education. So I started looking for things that might have both good vibes and things to teach me. I looked all over the place, in books and lecture halls, in shopping malls and hair salons, on the fridge and in the oven, under rocks and in potholes, downtown and up stairwells…and well when I looked up a stairwell I saw something very good that got me vibrating and told me where to look; so I bent over and had a peek between my legs. Low and behold…well I was blushing good vibes and education. So now I'm writing but I want more input. So I'm calling for all of your cliterature. I'm looking for anything: writing, or drawings, photos, or citations that inspire you when you think of what it means to become cliterate: why are you a women? Please don't think I am looking for anything in particular, or profound, or that would take any woman a lifetime to think up. Take it anywhere you want; go downtown, to the gynaecologist's, to the morgue, take it to the birthing centre, the office, the film studio, the bedroom. I just want some ideas, and some voices other than my own. Even if all you've got is a three word response to this email about my strangeness, I would deeply appreciate the sound of your voice. What am I using the voices for? Depends really; strongly poetic voices may be asked to step into the poem, others may be spring boards into the report, and some whispering sorts of voices might be used as titles. It may happen that all your voices remain silent, in which case your silence will act as a sounding board for my mouth to cry about the climbing iccliteracy rates of our communities' women. Questions: just ask. Responses: just email. Want to join the project: just well email that too. I hope to hear from all of you or some of you or one or two of you. And if you know cliterate women who might have a word or two for me, please pass my email along. Mother, sisters, daughter, aunts, grandmothers, co-workers, piano teachers, pastors please…anyone who has a voice. In the mean time, stay strong in mind and body and health. I gift you all peace and mud for making a mess.  ps. men can respond to, the topic, why are you a woman/what makes you a woman/ gynocentric woman-positive… pps. see three examples of cliterate responses, though not necessarily to the question, below. 1. a doodle in alphabet crayons woman smells heavenly cream on salt skin more cream saintly smelling like sweet cream on woman skin 2. Introduction to Ethics <1 .2.2007=""> I had a discussion with a woman, once, about bad education. Or maybe I had the discussion twice. Nonetheless, I've had the discussion about bad education with a woman, or women. We said, there's no music to this education; some days the harmonies are all cacophonous. Coughing phlegm on stiffies and calling it knowledge. Humph, we said, like camels, and giggled…like women do. We said our bad education doesn't listen, doesn't even know that harmonies like drumbeats exists in education. Our bad education insists our drums be quite in class, our class education be quite in drumbeats. My women and I talked about how real education requires fingers and toes. Peripheral collisions of sensory, quiet sensory of course, overtures of input that out bang our drumbeats. The female education needs sand between the toes, oceans to stick our fingers in, and well I don't need to get too detailed about what my women and I discussed. Most of it I couldn't say anyway, decoded giggles, long pauses, hair, fingernails, deodorant. But I discuss with my women, or my woman, when silence breaks into laughter, that nature of sitting up straight, shoulders back ears up legs…closed (a habit we all agree). When silence breaks into laughter, we say humph to this bad education, its time that our education was— do we really need to be introduced to ethics… Professor: Woman this is ethics. Ethics, woman.>

Im not worried, but it is a bit strange

So apparently, I'm a bit of a stern person. It's true. I'm not very patient, particularly with perceived laziness. But, I am very forgiving, well presumably. 

Funny story from seminar though, because usually such confessionals only happen at the bar after class. So, we are in the middle of a class discussion about the "difficulty" level of the readings. Which, I admit, had I not been working in literacy research for the past 3 years I may have found difficult as well. Various classmates were chiming in, and the facilitator asked if i had any input. No, i thought. And one of my most respected classmates, chimed in, "she's probably too busy holding us lesser mortals in disdain, for our simplicity." 

 Is it just me or is that a bit harsh? 

I had no emotional inclination towards any of them. I was just listening to and observing their behavior. Without judging. Or perhaps I was judging it as irrelevant or unimportant. I don't really hold people in disdain, nor do i spend very much if any of my time disdaining anything (except, as i have noted, laziness in myself and those around me). Anyway, i suppose i should put some effort into appearing more lighthearted and sociable (i thought that's what rugby was for)

Yoga like calm...or is that sleep deprivation

i 'wouldn't call myself sleep deprived in the least. in fact I'm diligently developing my talent for being able to wake up at whatever time i want. I just go to sleep and tell myself 6:43, then i picture the time as if i was looking at it on my clock, and next thing i know I'm waking up and it is the time on my clock...of course some times its a bit palindromic or dyslexic...3:46 or 4:36 but its close... So it project season. Generation just sent out its call for submissions on Friday. super exciting. im writing again, finally; that was a far too long silence, it was a weight after Kendall's death, in a way i didn't realize it would be...last term was a fight every step, then i went to see some other peoples projects (the STITCHES display at school, Jackie's couch book, Michelle's mission to cut her electronic ties, a film here, a new language there) and finally my own projects are waking up and having a good morning stretch. 

A new play, i just finished a book Miss Baker gave me, i will supply a review some other time tho, i've stopped drinking for a bit, perhaps till after my first rugby game...detoxing i guess. Started back at the gym, more physio but i haven't gone back to those women...they were too much for me, just fixing my knee on my own.

 Im going to go for acupuncture as soon as I accept the fact that Sun will put needles through the incision scars (which seems like the most painful think i can imagine at the moment, although my breasts are doing a good job challenging that thought). Oh and i made roast beef, to a resounding success, i think it must be that roasting pan, whatever i do in it turns out good... i may have nearly killed one of my Jade plants, it was thoroughly neglected, she's got a priority seat by the window now however, i wouldn't forgive myself for killing her in neglect. 

but i have been organizing my millions of photos and started photoshopping all those hundreds that needed a "touch up" i think i might get some images blown up for the walls...yeah, that would be nice. anyway, projects Ony, always only projects. picked up, and paid for.

academic seppuku

Because i am trying to learn more about Japanese culture, i have decided to commit academic seppuku to better understand how honour systems work. 

They say a Samauri struggles not just for excellence in his defence of his master, but excellence in all aspects of life. I agree, that such excellence is an honourable and noble venture, and so have decided that i will continue with my 5 course course load, not because i have five credits required to graduate (as it is i only need four) but because the fifth course with Jacobs seems totally wicked...eh hem. So i will strive for the same excellence i think most appropriate to the life of a wannabe samauri appreciater. however, should i fail in this attempt i have a mount of term papers and text books which i will launch myself off of...should be fun. So anyway. homework time. atta.

Things that make me happy

Laryngitis. Back to school homework. Creative writing class. Biking to school in the snow, when the snow stops 45 seconds after i have arrived (cause i love biking in the snow when it snows for weeks after i do it and i can sit in the office and watch it snow on the world and think i still get to bike home to hot chocolate in this). Working. 

being an asshole.