i should write

i think i should go ride the rocket around the city and do some writing. its time to remember this place. or well...yea it is time to write at least. stories about penguins, or memories, marriages or games. i'm not sure...well, lets go wake the janitor

Happy Fakemas

Well for all of you out there celebrating Christmas this year, have a good one and put on a little speed for those of us whose families unilaterally converted to another end of December celebration without notice or other such warnings. 

Thats right, this year the Clovis's are celebrating fakemas. Much like its commertial counterpart which celebrates the birth of Santa with icon like the Christmas tree, candy canes, stockings and tinsel, gift giving and general grinch-free activities (such as visiting friends and family) Fakemass too has certain iconic traditions. The first and probably most important is the replacement of the tree with a lamppost...year a Fakemas lamppost which is strung with lights, chocolates and a stolen sombrero that reads Viva Mexico. The lamppost is lit for only an hour a day because of its Fakemas cheer (and the fact that it is mounted with a straw hat) it is an extreme fire hazard to illuminate it for much longer. Of course the 27 years of Christmas tree decorations are not just left in the box this year, they have been hung from the fake ceiling to act as things to hit our heads on...should we need something for hitting a head on this Fakemas Season. (For those of you unfamiliar with what a fake ceiling is, it is what we CLovis's have come to love, after a freak 6 month demolition accident in the spring of 2001 the ceiling of the main living room was stripped leaving onl the rathers. After 2 years of aa rafter roof, mum decided rather than finishing the reconstruction with the traditional drywall or paint she would buy a great big piece of fabric and staple it to the rafters. A great effect if you need somewhere to hang transformed Fakemas decorations) Next the crowd pleasing favorite, christmas morning stockings, hae been held hostage with the following demands, the stockings wil be safely returned once one of the five Clovis Kids procures, for the prima genertura, at least one grandchild (so im sure ou can imagine it may be a while before we see stockings hung by the fakemas lamppost). Until this time, the hostage letter read, the stockings will be relegated solely to their offseason job as rugby socks. Next, instead of the traditional visit to the great aunts for christmas dinner, we will gather round the fakemas fire (made of candles) and eat fakemas dinner at home just the seven of us (plus any other loyal fakemas celebrators...namely Jane and her mum). Finally, the best part of Fakemas, instead of family feuding or fighting, instead of the complications of worrying who got what for whom, instead of wondering whether we want to hang out or get out, we all gather for meals and talk and chat and banter about all the things in the world (except paris hilton) that are worth discussing. From the A&E program on home renovation that promoted not getting building liscences, drinking and shooting at things with rifles, and drinking and driving, to the woman who gave birth to tripets from her two wombs (what thats crazy...i know) to the best ways to introduce waste management reforms across Canada, topics for discussion are usually humours and heartily enjoyed. So enjoy your Christmases and I suppose I'll have to take my Fakemas this year. The beginning of the new traditions. All the best Miss Clovis

sneige!!!! huzzah. December 4 is the greatest

procrastination

killing me....seriously. maybe its time to get back on the bike...oh rocko i miss you...even though we got to ride to school this morning...time for some more good music...or sigh some bad class...

St Valentine's Day Hair Massacre

http://www.active.com/donate/makeawish/daniellep

For the past 4 years, on Valentines day, the Make a Wish Foundation has been facilitating an amazing fundraising event. The Hair Massacre is a mass head shaving extravaganza to generate funds for the amazing Make-a-Wish foundation.

This year, my dearly nutty Danielle is going Blue and Blad for Make a wish!

Below is a link to her donation site, the plan to dye her hair blue for the next few months then join the several hundred other fundraisers in London to try as break the record for most heads shaved under one roof in one day. Last Year the Edmonton head shave had 849 people. London is looking to breaka that.

So check it out, and support Danielle in her awesome quest for Make-a-Wish

http://www.active.com/donate/makeawish/daniellep

accident

i walked down two flights of stairs today, by accident. i didn't realize what i was doing till i reached the bottom step and reached down with my right leg, supporting my full weight through my left leg. walking down stairs is a "week 6 at the earliest activity" my physio said. i don't really like her, she it too scared to work. Im not saying push my leg, i don't want to push my leg, i want to heal, i don't need to be in the olympics in august (though it would be cool). im saying work at the level my body is wanting to work at. I didn't even realize i left my cane at physio today till i got to the bus stop (5 min walk) and had to walk back to get it. I walked down two flights of stairs not thinking, okay lets see how we go but thinking, okay i can go the the grad house drop of my bag, then go pick up some dinner, then work on the couches manuscript. I do think its amazing, we measured this morning: 134 degrees flexion -3 degrees extension (im already hyperextending my knee) and tomorrow ill be three weeks post semitendenosis ACl reconstruction. My incisions are completely sealed, and scar tissue is starting to breakdown. inflammation is almost back to normal. There was some serious atropheeing of the quad and hamstring, but they are already coming back...the calf too. i can leg press 50 lbs 3x10 reps. balance on a wobble board on my operated leg. its been over a week since i took my last pain killer. i can bike to school. What a team i have in this healing. From the pre-op with all its positive energy, the team that had nothing but solutions and ideas. To my surgeon and his operating team. To the post op nurses who let my mum stay and help me through the hardest night of the whole process. To my brothers for providing a fabulous football game while I was to drugged to watch tv. To Nathan and Sean who came from Windsor to babysit, and Michelle who came for a sleep over. Julia, who provided my post-op on-call nursing. Margeurite, my amazing energizer, Healing Touch theraphist, who energized my body and environment, reminding me to stay centred calm and at peace. Dani for doing an application that prolly would have taken a week in one day. Nombuso and Annette for writing letters of ref with 3 hours notice. Mum and dad for driving me back to windsor. And here, my teachers for being patient with my convalescence, everyone for their love, support and get dancing soons. Its really just been a whole bundle of support for this poor little acl. its funny last june when i hurt it, its seemed like this would be a battle, an ordeal, and yet here i am healing as though im getting over a cold, not a surgery. anyway. Thanks everyone, i guess. Gotta pack up. its home time. lady m

Injury, recovery and patience

It seems that like you my faithful readers, i am learning about patience very quickly. Last Thursday I finally, thirteen months after initial doctor contact, had my ACL fixed up nice. The hole experience was exquisite. the doctors, nurses and various caregivers at the Wellsley Orthopedic hospital were just amazing (well not the post surgery nurses on the floor...they were nice but not very good...but thanks to my amazing mum they didn't have to clean up buckets full of vomit they induced). I'll talk about them later. But post op at home has been fabulous, mum and I have been up to all sorts of mischief, making hats that are too small for anyone, doing physio on the kitchen floor, going for very slow walks to the end of the drive way and back, teaching Shihera to appreciate laser technology, going for walks to the bathroom and up and down the stairs, and watching British comedies about widows doing things like opening theaters and growing pot. There's been tones of narcotic induced nightmares, hallucinations and other scary stuff. I think tylenol will give me nightmares for the rest of my life. Mum says it's like when i was a baby and never went to sleep...well i go to sleep now but i wake up about 70 minutes later each time. and do that about 12 times a day. Well last night i had a lucid dream and slept nearly 5 hours straight. I thought i was going to do that tonite too, but mum just made me an icecream sunday (yea sugar high) 

 But let me tell you, everything happens very slowly right now, sometimes i get excited and ahead of myself and am constantly have to remember, slowly Roo, be patient. Patience is a virtue that i only have for other people, but am quickly learning with myself. I have a healer in my care team (well my whole care team is made up of healers) but i have one in particular, who is giving me healing touch therapy. Wow. what an amazing talent she has. She has taught me so much about listening to my cells and body and talking with them. She has energized me so much to aid my healing at all levels from the inside out. But lots has been up, today i had an amazing show of support from Dani and Nathan to finish my JET application, as well as by Dr Dufresne from the CMHA and Nombuso in supply me with letters of support with 2 hours notice (thank you thank you to both wonderful women). I am so nearly graduated. Sigh. I am gearing up for a new edition of Generation. And Sebastien is playing in the Grey Cup on Sunday (17 BC). I touched base with a love from high school today, oh miss jack beautiful to chat again. See you Dec 8. And hmm i suppose thats enough for now. Have a night all (and not a nightmare)

so long a silence

man im just exhausted. Post to follow

the rockinest day of the year

isn't everyday.

Red Sky at night

Mourning is so odd. I just want to celebrate life, and laugh and smile and be thankful for the reminder. And praise the time Kendall devoted to doing the same. And yet with every breath the word is "Are you okay" "I'm sorry" "oh my gosh thats horrible". but never another one of us moves and here we are together. and here we continue in our time. Things get easier, don't they, not harder. We embrace and remember that our inflated egos are mistaken, we are only responcible for being mortal. For the time we have here, and i say now, cause my time is happening now. as is yours if you are reading this, or as you are reading this.

I feel lighter. Thank you and Bless Kendall. Rest now. Good luck. Everyone.

Red Sky

What a beautiful morning. I woke before sunrise, Cocoa was on my chest. Some mornings I cheat, I get up instead of lying in bed and sit on the porch with a cup of tea as the sky turns grey, and flares of red began to creep in at the sides. my porch faces the sunset you see. I moved the dead fig tree so i could have a spot. I thought, I shouldn't be indulging in the sunrise, there is work to do. A paper to write before work, real work. So inside to put away the dishes and take out the garbage; I wanted to stay out to watch the rest of sunrise, but a certain paper called me back inside. Nathan called. "Have a good day; that's an order" imparitive, will do. Danielle called, "Have another question; hating work" find an answer. What a weird day. Beautiful calm peaceful. And now raining, like the worst kind of pathetic fallacy.

At work before the boss. Nothing left over to do, so I continued homework. Emails sent and received. Cut my losses on time, multiply through. Then I thought Dani might have more questions, might need more help, so i logged into MSN. "Rip Kendall Hebret" And I thought. oh. It can't be our Kendall.

I just found out one of my players, from the Belle River highschool team, was killed in a racing accident yesterday. What a weird day. Good luck Kendall, take grace and innocence with you. take love and peace too. take talent and potential energy. good luck Kendall.

And here I am. There is such a beauty that comes with mourning. A peace, a space for reflection, indulgence, laugher. To be closer and more forgiving. Thanks Kendall, for the gift of this space.

Nov 9th

I think I love it most when women squeeze their breasts together and glance down at their cleavage. I don't think we do to check that we have cleavage, or to note that our own tits can be voluptuous like a photo. I think we do it cause its such a comfort to be so close to a bossom. But I do love to see women do it, take a moment just to look. I don't think men can do anything that endearing. Or maybe they can but i don't get it.

i got a date. nov 9th i will be a new sort of whole. hamstrings this is your month!

long sort of silence

its been a while blog. don't worry i haven't forgot about you. I've been ill. of course what else would i be? really, let's consider... i suppose i could have been on a grand adventure, or perhaps have been busy working on a new play or reading a terrible book called Heroine by gail scott...okay its not that bad. its not that interesting...its kind of cliche, but perhaps a bit novel (well it is a novel, but i mean okay im sure you get it)

So i want to go to toronto. Hippy birfde custodian

What is PDT

i think its a time zone, but i haven't a clue which one. i hope it isn't soon. 

OKay. this is going to be a probably blasphemous post, on account of my general ignorance of faith/the faith/things of this nature. It may also be offensive because i am challenging the practices of christians in my life and their practices of faith. 

 problem number one: faithful person X has their msn name "speak lord your servant is listening" i think this is problematic, one because since when does a servant command their master, and two since when is "the lord" anyone's master. What does that mean...to be the master of something? it carries with it connotations of power relations, one who can enact a position of power over another; also it suggests that there is perhaps some sort of debt, or that a master is one with superior (skill/power/intellect) which merits their higher placement in some sort of hierarchy. So why do we make ourselves servants to "the lord"? is servant the right word; i thought the christian god asks for obedience not service. I mean what service to 'him' could we presume to do, that 'he' has not made us capable of, if that is the case isn't it just humble obedience to what good we were created for that we should be acting, rather than command 'him' to direct us as servant pawns? 

 i dunno, i hear too many people claiming their beliefs not as gifts, for which they are humbly thankful, but rather as a reason for their action in the world. which is a problematic and possibly dangerous position...is it not?

little folly

i said to myself this morning, i won't take my book to work because i don't need to carry the extra weight (my back being tight because of the shoulder injury sustained at the Pillon's stepgrandparent party...long story nevermind) and now im sitting in the office thinking, mhmm maybe i should go home cause i have nothing to do, but i'm sure there are still things that need doing, but the big boss aint here. ho hum.

So its all fairweather i suppose.

driving to windsor

i meant to post this, this is the storm we drove into on our way back to Windsor, Sunday. it was freaking amazing. and then really scary so we pulled over and waited it out. (shame it was the mac-d's stop so there wasn't good food...yick)We were of course in Toronto to watch Seb play against the Argos. BC won (huzzah) and Seb got to play free safety at the end of the game. Plus, he had an amazing game, there was almost more special teams play that regular play, so that was sweet. Plus, he had the first hit of the game (huzzah). It was really good. We also went to the st. Lawrence market, by bike/rollerblade. i was impressed since its about a 25 km round trip, and I'm sure that certain windsorites are incapable of understanding not driving such a distance, but we did good. plus we swam at the Olympic pool. i hope wherever i am next has places to swim, i really miss it.

Funny Story

Okay, so im still very worried, but i think that best way to deal with my worry is by chewing bubblegum. Wouldn't it be funny if whenever you were mad about something you did a google image search for the word "mad" with the filter on super high and then used one of the images that come up (which are usually things like pictures of peoples pets called mad, or flora and fauna from magagascar, or people walking on mountains or wearing funny hats) and then printed it off, and when people asked you what was the matter you would show them the picture. Then they would look at you with that look of half fear that you are insane and half confusion, which of course considering your frame of mind you will mistake for a look of empathy and you'll say "i know, look at it! but i suppose its not as bad as the chimpanze grudge i had last week!"

i wonder if that would work with terrorists?



i still don't know what a terrorist is.

A break

To bring a little balance back to this blog. This man reminds me of Moby. Ah, some settling music.

In the Video Vault at the link below, select the G section, then scroll down to Gnarls Barkley the video is called Crazy. (i suppose you probably know that already, and already know all about barkley, and infact he went out of fashion 6 days ago, but im only just getting with the times, and i say this is sweet... i suppose it only further shows that i don't have tv either...you must have seen the video on the countdown and out a thousand times already...gaah)

i must be dumb

Israel has declared it is ready to fight Hezbollah guerrillas for several more weeks, raising doubts about international efforts to broker an immediate ceasefire.

"It will take us time to destroy what is left," Brig. Gen. Alon Friedman said Wednesday.

His announcement came as Israeli ground troops clashed with Hezbollah guerrillas as they crossed the border in search of tunnels and weapons

Full Article

How can we say that Isreal is making a measured response? When Brigadeer General Friedman makes comments like "it will take us time to destroy what is left"?

How can Harper insist that Hezbollah and Hamas should return their three captives in the intention to end violence against their nations, when those in control of the Isreali army are making such comments? Harper, do you really think that the return of those soldiers will do anything to end the violence? Isreal is thrashed Lebanon, its heart, culture, soul and people.

Maybe I'm just dumb

Maybe I'm just incapable of thinking about the state of affairs inthe middle east. I mean, I don't know a lot about the history, or current escalating events that led to this, what seems to me, insanity. It is more than possible that i don't have suffient tools to understand what is happening, because of my own biases against foreign occupation, and against aggression towards neighbours, and against annonymous weapons (that is satelite weapons where the operator has no capabilty of knowing who or what he is hitting).

I was just reading this however in the Windsor star (i think it comes from the ottawa citizen however)

Blanchfield, Mike. "Harper Blames Hezbollah" Canwest News Service July 18, 2006

The G-8 summit was dominated by the Middle East crisis, ending Monday with an urgent call by British Prime Minister Tony Blair and visiting United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan for an international peacekeeping force for the region.

Chirac demanded swift action to bring about a ceasefire in the escalating hostilities that saw the death toll climb to more than 200, most in Lebanon.

Harper rejected the call, as did the United States, saying that his interpretation of the G-8's position was for Hezbollah and Hamas to first release the three Israeli soldiers they are holding and to stop shelling Israel.

Let me see what is upsetting me about this article. I think it is the second paragraph where it says that these agressions have lead to more than 200 casualties (between the two nations) and yet Harper is rejecting the call for peacekeeping (that i agree with, because the Canadian Military is no longer a peacekeeping force but an occupative agressive military, go figure) BUT he seems to think that if hamas and hezbollah release these three military pions that all this will end and the war will be over.

Isn't that beyond naive? Like anyone who would unforgivingly allow for the death of 200 humans would be completely calmed by the return of three pion soldiers who weren't clever enough not to get captured in the first place. I wouldn't be surprised if upon return they were executed for being crappy soldiers (okay im just promoting hate and bias here, ignor that last sentence). The point is...hmm i guess i feel that harper (and really the Canadian Government and Canadian people) is too guilty for current actions by Canadians around the world to do aanything constructive without first recognizing, acknolwedging and changing our current international practices and positions.

Sigh. I worry for my little (superlarge) country. i hope we make it through this, i would really like to get to be a doctor.

Homesickness

Today's headline on the Toronto Star reads DEATH IN LEBANON with a superheadding (that is a caption over top of the headline) "it's as though a bomb hit Montreal." These headlines are about 7 montrealers who were killed in the current Isreali assult against Hezbollah in Lebanon. A friend of mine just contacted me because he is afraid for his grandmother who just returned to lebanon a week and bit ago. I didn't know really how to respond to his fears, but I am just now working on one of the chapters for a forthcoming a book on Youth identity that focuses greatly on immigrant, and african immigrant youth. I asked my friend why his grandmother returned surely she knew of the coming assualt. And he said something about returning to her homeland. Isn't that something, in this world of compounded and complex migration where almost any citizen of any country can move and live in many different nations throughout the course of their lives, there is a special kind of 'returning' to the point of origin. I wonder as immigration/emmigration become a more normative in life history, and as global conflict and the destruction of cultures becomes more common if this sense of urgency to return to the places we know and grew up with will deepen. Or has this always been the case, we want home, but move nations because we want an easier life (without oppression, with good jobs and education, with the freedom to make our own homes); and yet, when the prospect of watching our first homes dying is made real to us, we want nothing more that to return to that place of conflict and strife. hmm. i will have to read Hardwick. *** appended July 18 and another thing My cousin was recently telling me about his newfound love and respect for St lucia after visiting his "homeland" that was never his in the first place. It was his first trip there, and it is hardly even an ancestral home for us given our colonial heritage, and yet that desire for homeland was/is so strong for him, that he would desire and adopt that little island as his own. hmm.

Pending storm

Its about to thunderstorm so i need to high tail it, but first a quandry.

What is a terrorist?
meditate tonite

Toronto

i managed to make it to toronto. God job eh, man that was hard. But uh oh, i went to the Mac Medical open house, man that was super tempting. man, i'm talking...tempting. yikes. I just don't know what to do with myself at this point. Well, who am i kidding yes i do, continue on the course, graded back and graded back and graded back from knowledge gained but never lost at i run down mud tracks. Look at you. So i'm going back to windsor today, to get back to the business of waiting. i have to send my brothers care package still. i think i might send something like a survival kit. We will see. Tristan played on defense for Sask last night, man it was super exciting. They lost though, 53-36 i think...yeah they got spanked. Well i had a campfire last night. ooo, campfire on my beach, so good. so sweet. yum! it was firey. okay going to go eat or sleep.

hermit

maybe i will just go home now.

well thursday. by way of hamilton and not come back till sunday night
i will see if i can't find a driver today. i don't think it will work at the end of the month.

i hate this mess.

Critical Mass

Wow, that was super cool. i'm sold for life. Okay so the next critical mass is Friday July (fuck...of course) July, 28th 2006 meeting at 5:45 at city hall (charles clarke square it might be called, at just east of goyeua on University or park or chatham or one of those ... i think its university. Bring your bike (make sure to have a mounted bell and lights (me too). and we bike around the city blockading against traffic (its wonderful! go team cyclists for a safer city). Anyway. its super fun, and I'll be talking about it all month (except i just realized i told my mum i might come home for my dads birthday, which would mean missing the July 28th mass. fuckers. i'll have to plot this one.

foiled

piss and vinegar the seminar in can lit is the same time as philosphy of education. baah!

what a thursday

i had a lot of trouble writing thursday in the title of this post so you better appreciate my effort...that's better.

So let me tell you about this crazy day (and its only 6:45 yikes so much still to do). So it started with an early morning bike home after a post fireworks sleepover (i didn't go to the fireworks...it was too noisy and there were dogs and kids everywhere...but no hills or beach it was too much like home without being home) Then i had breakfast (go me) and cleaned house (how does it get to be such a mess, its just me living there...hmm) then remembered that i had to finish stapling 'a lotta nerve' the CMHA chapbook that my writing group made. So i hightailed it into the office to do some stapling. Then i had to do work (as i was at the office) find a couple articles, finish updating a cv, mail off a manuscript. Before hightailing it back across town to the CMHA for the writing group at 11. I of course didn't plan any work, cause i gave them homework, but none of them did it so i sat there more or less with egg on my face. then one of my authors decided that he likes cliche so he's only going to write in it. [ps don't forget to find some examples of good cliche and bad cliche and talk about why each is good and bad]. After two hours of talking about not much and taking pills i headed home for lunch. I nearly caused and irate driver to get t-boned as he pulled a left hand turn across Giles without looking to see if there was approaching traffic because he was too busy yelling at me for being on the road. (ps there was approaching traffic, and that nearly ended very badly for both of us). Then i continued my ride home for lunch. Had spicy pasta which made me feel bloated (i don't think pasta is going to stay in my diet for much longer, it always makes me feel ill) so i read 50 pages of Dune (a new one). Then i went to campus to do some homework, but ran into danielle, so we chatted, then went to the mall. At the mall she tried on clothes (and bought some without a single fight....amazing) then looked at hmm oh yea zellers for chocolate (for me) and bandaids (for her) then she dropped me off at Chez's to learn about this summer camp which looks/sounds totally wicked, i think im going to go at least for now, im going to do the fundraising at least. Then we started talking about the Critical Mass tomorrow (im super stoaked) which is a cyclists taking over the road party downtown. i'm loving it. then about the millitary coop. now i just dont know how i feel about this. basically highschool kids can now take a paid millitary co-op, in which they receive basic training and join the reserves. hmm. basic training, awesome, learn physical, emotional, mental discipline i think this should be a core part of every curriculum. i know it should be. but join the reserves? i dunno. really its all a part of Harper's ploy to grow the military reserves by 10,000 men (women) and the standing army by 13,000. But this isn't suggested in the rhetoric for this new co-op program, just that kids will be paid (unlike all other co-ops) and be offered summer jobs with the army reserves. hmm. i have to learn more still. but this is a good site if you are curious.
www.geocities.com/coop4peace (ill make it a reall link soon...i have to go remember how)

and then i biked back to campus to continue working on my various things that needed work. now im blogging. soon i'll get into my emails (i have to invite all of you to the critical mass). then i have a bit of portfolio work to do, i hope. then back home for dinner prolly around 8. then more reading and around 12:30 to big dicks to celebrate Carol's birthday and find out how the game went today. then home. then tomorrow morning i think laundry and more reading. fun fun! then tomorrow evening is the critical mass. saturday is CANADA DAY (oh i lov you Canada). Then Sunday a bottle drive.

(and i wonder how my life get so full i can barely stand it... huh.)

okay time to go start some other stuff.
coop4peace

Portfolio season

I have to go buy some books (boo) i don't want to buy them, but i think i have to read them this weekend. *sigh* i don't think i am going to be able to go to the game tomorrow after all. Cause stupid campus is close on friday so i won't be able to work friday. and its a long weekend so i have to get extra stuff done in advance for next week. grr.

i wonder how the ethics are coming. hmm.

i had a super cranky day yesterday so i went home and wrote about it. a lot of bad poetry. that i will probably put in my portfolio. They have a new teacher coming in to teach the 498. im a little scared. i don't like new things. i have to be m ore diligent this year. the last two years i didn't really have to worry about the folio. but i dunno. I think that its a woman though. Markotic. Possibly Nichole. (my favourite name right now) I googled markotic and Nichole and Lorraine came up, but Nichole is a "canadian poet" like the rest of us, so i think it could be her. Maybe i will get one of her books too, just to get a feel for...of course Anne Walker was fabulous and she was new. i wonder why we are all so afraid of new things. but im a little bit coniving and i might take her seminar class too...just so i can get extra time in (you know). i like to know my teachers, and one class isn't enough to know someone. Besides if i use pender marty and karl for the rhodes im going to need someone new for other scholarships.

okay. i should work so that maybe i will be able to go to the game tomorrow.

Cheers Bears.

Happy Birthday Rocket

Not that it was the rockets birthday, or my birthday or a birthday of anyone or thing affiliated with us but on saturday it proved that enough was enough and I took The Rocket into the shop to get a brand new cassette and chain. and let me tell you how fricking fast he is now. Like real rocket. Zoom zoom.

oh an unrelated topic. i had super tasty steak yesterday, and i'm so glad because i was jonesing for some red meat.

Redundancy

Lets talk about the positive effects of negativity...hmm well i think that negativity helps keep away irratating people who might try to be overly positive. I mean if your super negative even people with genuinely heartfelt empty words of praise will eventually back off. I suppose that negativity helps prepare you for death...or illness...or papercuts. if your super negative about stuff all the time then even a papercut will be predictable and perhaps not as bad...

what are you talking about (in the immortal words of Edna Mode) ! Negativity is useless. always. always. Why go to the length of exerting the energy it takes to say, no not only say but post as you MSN name that you hate your body...what is that accomplishing...ooo. self pity (i just got that one) right. i suppose that demonstrating the apparent negativity towards yourself would have others turn to you and try to build you up..."come now your body isn't that bad..." or "we at least you can still drink..." hmm

i feel like wasting time. oh...i quit my job today. i didn't want to. but i dunno, it wasn't worth my time or energy i dont think. I'll have to email marty and let him know. gah. maybe thats why i feel all lost. hmm

buh bye miss jack. have a blast in BC

The evolution of dance

This one is for Miss Boghean

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg

This is kind of amazing

http://newcomicreviews.com/unsorted/16/1150248355960.gif

Noisy

i recently finished Dune, hmm i have to say. i think i will read the series, but i can't quite tell what to think. there is so much inner monologue its almost as bad as a soap opera/romantic novel...but i dunno, its kind of interesting.

[im lstening to the bc/sask and dave dickenson sounds like a pansy]

anyway about Dune, its interesting what the book has done and stood for in its genre, and i want to know more about the genre...but i'm kind of a poser cause i don't think i really like fantasy or science fiction. anyway. im trying to kill time till kick off...if you hadn't noticed.

sigh.

Noise

There is so much news and so little interest in writing it all to keep the world tapped into what I am doing with MY life...that's right me...everyone else seems to get it eh, Pacha. Listen, there was this boy; Manzini.

Okay tonite is the nite, Sebastian vs Tristan, 17 vs 37, BC Lions vs Saskachewan Roughriders 10pm EST on TSN; CLF season opener!!!! My two elder brothers are both playing their first official CFL game tonight and it is against each other.

And of course there is allday rugby tomorrow from 11am till 4;30 pm at the AKO field (www.windsorrugby.com)

and then I'm facilitating this writing workshop which is lots of fun, in fact i would even say loads of fun, in fact, yeah... i'm really liking it. We will see what will happen in the coming weeks.

SO im getting bored with life. i think its time for a project. see the problem is i like rugby as my project...but rugby won't let me play. and i like photography as ,my project, but the bank won't support that venture either. maybe i will get into yoga again, that was nice.. and maybe i should be writing more for myself and less for other people...actually i think that is a very good idea.

anyway. back to work for me.

visiting

I just ahd a very lovely invisible visit with a sweet young lady i know. She hasn't realized yet that i was by, but she will, or wont. i didn't leave any footprints. sometimes i hate when people don't leave footprints. you can nver be really sure if anyone has been there. no one has been here. except the cat. and she just leaves hairballs...or sometimes a trail of litter from between her toes. but i feel like going for invisible walks. i wonder how much longer i'll last without tv. it seems like such an easy fix. unlike reading...which is easy too, but i don't really have a reading light so that is a past time for daylight ours only. although daylight hours do seem to last ever so long here. But still. i need to make a decision about what to do with this house, the roommate situation, the cat, the food, the spare room, the plants, the extra furniture, the mess, the mess, the mess. the confusion. the silence...hmm this is not helping the mood. lets see. what kind of fairy am i today? a fire fairy. hmm that sounds like i should go read the Star somemore. apparently if you want to work for a newspaper, you have to not only read the paper, but have a favourite section. sadly day after day my favourite section keeps coming up classified. thats not good. maybe there is something today to make me happy to be wanting to work for a paper.

oh speaking of dangerous things...mangos with little worms in them...not impressive

Well Windsor, what have you?

So im back in the Windsy city. Of course it seems that everyone has left. Miss baker is being sorely missed. I'll have to go to rugby tonite to rremind myself what people are like. Oh rugby. im excited just typing about it. Oh joy. We play Niagara this weekend..can you say road trip! Huzzah. Cocoa wasn't too impressed with the weekend alone, i'll have to get her a cat condo or something, she needs to spend more time out doors i think. The mangos are ripening should be sweet eating tonite. i think im going to go shopping though, after work, i need a can opener and a cheese grater like its no bodies business/ So N's family rocks. What a bundle of fun. I spent the long weekend with em at the Dunes, which were very sandy, and involved more alcohol that i have drunk since my birthday...my goodness! But the fires were good (though my cracked lips are not impressed anymore) and so was the karaoke...what! camping and karaoke...go figure. time to get back to work...as my grandfather would say. The play is moving nicely, i just rewrote Onyx's monologue/poem, i think its much stronger. Im excited to finish it. It feels like its starting to drag a little. Anyway. Job work first. peace

home again

its not that its cold out, but it certainly aint 37 degrees and sunny...well its a little sunny. Home is nice, id like to sleep some more. i think tonite is an early to bed night. But St lucia was beyond unbelievable. warm, fun, lots of ocean and sea swimming, lots of mangos. sadly no avocado (they are in season in our fall, perhaps i'll have to go back). But the grandparents were rockin it. as was the acupuncture. umm well it was more painful and terrifying than anything, but i appreaciate the opportunity to have needles stuck in my head and throat. (right) im pooped, i'll make a better post later.
peace

almost disappeared

well I'm almost off to the islands. this is weird. too weird, and getting weirder. and so exciting. oh come on! so exciting, sun, mangoes and well grandparents. yea grandparents! I'm going to swim and eat and relax, and wait for things to fall out and fly off to the next thing. and next thing i know it will be time to dance and sing and watch the summer disappear, and play games and at least photograph rugby. Oh come on! and relax and eat some cheese and crackers. and write. well rewrite. and write. I'm rewriting It's thursday to be restaged. and im working on something kind of exciting. something new. it'll will be up on ethok in part probably. and time to read something good, for me and not for an A. ooo.

ps

Whirpool has the weirdest commertials ever.

thinkgs i like on wednesdays

Rumsfeld is reporting to the President and the Cabinet. He says,"Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq." The President says, "Oh, my gosh!" as he buries his head in his hands. The entire Cabinet is stunned. Usually George Bush shows no reaction whatsoever to these reports.
Just then, Bush looks up and says, "How many is a brazilian??"

things i dislike on wednesdays

First Every must go t Big Dicks tonite at 10 pm to say fairwell to Windsor Icon and longtime phenomenal woman, Michelle Baker, who will soon be leaving this fair city after her extended love in with its various departments and institutions over the past near decade (just kidding miss baker, 7 years is hardly nearly a decade;). So lets send her off instyle (or as i like to say..really drunk) Tonite at Big Dicks

now to the topic on hand...things i dislike on wednesdays
1. registering for conferences
2. booking hotels when i don't know where the conference is taking place...toronto somewhere
3. take home finals
4. dinner meetings that make me miss coaching
5. free food (it sounds crazy but the office smells like stale muffins its getting a little sickening)
6. Coffee
7. coffee.
8. thinking about packing
9. packing
10. cleaning or not cleaning or thinking about not cleaning
11. undergraduates (i may be one, but my goodness they can be irratiting "how was your last placement" " oh you know, i had to teach the kids how to make triangels, like omg its totally new to the curriculum this year and my associate expected me to be able to teach it, i had to like fully teach it to myself first" "thats outrageous"

i think thats all... well for now.
have a beautiful day and come say fare the well to Miss Baker tonite

hi monday

the problem with waking up at the crack of dawn (if not a few hours before) is that by 8:00 in the evening im getting pretty tuckered out. But not tired, not ready for bed, cause im still ready to start stuff, but achy and cranky...or maybe thats just the fever. yeah thats right fever...of course. you know who else is going to be gone this summer? Oliver, my only family connection down here. and tara...she makes me nuts, but she keeps me doing things i like to do...and besides as i am clearly demonstrating right now, i thrive und pressure and with stress. And danielle, though she will still be around, but things are all changed and baaahh! okay time to stop complaining and start whining. Im really excited to reapply for my scholarship, its such a nice package. its like a 10 page reflection paper, but it asks useful questions and makes for a very useful and productive reflection on the year. wow it was a year. It was about this time last year that i found out my hand was broken. and next week last year that i was sick (i almost forgot about that sick...it freaking sucked). Now, im a year older and like 17 years wiser...that was exhausting. what a ride.

Spring Book Launch and Reception

Of course this is what i get for complaining. Sorry, i didn't mean it.

So i made new pants yesterday, they are pretty sweet. they definitly make me more happy...but about this book launch.

Its super cool and exciting. The two books being launched are Touch the Dead by Mary Ann Mulhern and How Beautiful we Are by John B Lee. I was part of the editorial team on both; the first one is written by this woman whose father was a gravedigger, and cemetary caretaker (what!...i know neet eh). The whole collection is about her whole growing up and her experience and thoughts on things like life and graveyards. (plus the cover design..oh yea right here;) Its a follow up to her last book The Red Dress which is about her experience in the convent...yea she's a former nun too. The other book is also super cool, John B Lee, the must be most prolific writer in canada, my goodness this guy has like 50 books out there. Anyway both super cool collections of poetry, everyone should come anyway.

Mackenzie Hall 3277 Sandwich St Windsor, ON. Thursday, April 27th, 2006

Summer of CFL

CONGRATS TRISTAN (big brother number two)!!

He was drafted by the Saskasktewan Rough Riders! With Sebastian back with the BC Lions i think this is going to be a busy summer for CFL watching. (Huzzah!)

It's pretty exciting.


Anyway, as i was saying before the storm...possibilities...infinite fucking possibilities. Well maybe not so pejorative as that, in fact they things are looking pretty optimistic. I'm almost done this year, i have one more take home to write, and a presentation (book Launch) thursday, 7:00 at Mackenzie hall (3277 Sandwich). Then its pack up and clean up and off to the islands for a few weeks to decompress. And then... working full time this summer, (maybe getting a second and third job), school in summer session, rugby (im not sure in what capacity though...if any [crud]), Canadian Mental Health Association volunteer writing workshop coordinator (hmm...interesting), roommate searching, play writing, i swear i'm going to have a book to edit for 498 next year, and what else...no tv, no car, no internet at home, lots of sewing (ooo so much sewing i could cry for joy), what else i dunno, having some semblance of a life, though michelle is going back to toronto soon, and i bet i'll have surgery at some point...hmm i had forgot about surgery...damn. i dunno. i feel like too much toast already. well lets just focus on a good decompression in the sun with the grandparents (im so excited to see them) and mr briffa. (hmm...agreed;)

okay, times for laundry.

Infinite fucking possibility

i don't know what reason i have to be grumpy with the sudden explosion of possibilities that have descended into my life, but lets be honest, i think it must be exhausting me. oh...thunderstorm, danielle wants me to log of the computer...power surges dont you know

peace

lets call them all roses

Interesting article Canada, maybe check it out:

Scientist Silenced; 15 Kyoto Prgrams axed

I have one qualm though, and this is a serious one: Human impact on global climate change. We never refer to it as the human impact, only as global warming, or gcc. but Global climate change is a part of the geologic cycle it is inevitable, it is a natural part of the changing cycle of the earth. If we look back to the devonian, and the don river deposits there is suggestion that toronto averaged 3 or 4 degrees centigrade higher than current average temperatures. If we check out deposits and growth patters from the 1820-1850 we see average temperatures 3-5 degrees cooler than current temperature levels. Clearly there were entire ice ages in our geologic history. So what am i going on about then? im concerned about the HUMAN IMPACT, what am i doing that is impacting this cycle, and what can i do to impact it less, let it follow its natural geologic timeline.

some will argue that humans are a part of the equation now and so we don't have to do much in either direction, we just are. but come on...we aren't alone here. we have the knowledge and technology to minimize our footprints on this planet. i mean most other species do their part to minimize their respective impacts (except for maybe the pig...discusting creatures...j/k) but it begins by taking possession of what it is. It isn't just a grand happening, or a geologic process that we want to hault or slow it is OUR IMPACT on those processes. So Stephan Harper should be slashing money to programs that reduce how humans affect gcc, or programs that allow humans to produce more fossil fuels and destructive toxins for the environment.

all i can say is go ahead, lets turn this planet back into a reducing environment, that was the best time in natural history, endless chemical potential.

Call me Monty Python

my goodness look at those pythons...what ...

so my brother is becoming a social activist! im so proud. He's written a violent letter of protest to the school about a terrible course! yea transformative pedagogy! i think i want to write some letters to people, a letter writing campaign. maybe i will wirte open letters to no one in particular. it would be nice

but im here today to think about civic design and city planning, and subdivision construction. Namely, why are subdivisions not built with the modern pastiche of their outward appearance? i mean they look freeking sweet, all uniform and tidy (okay my distaste for subdivisions aside) they hav the potential to be total bastions of modern, progressive, sustainable design, and yet they are still all built with waste and sewage systems that are modeled after the same post revolutionary french cities...like my freeking goodness. the french have some pretty sweet ideas, but like that was one idea 300 years ago, i think its time to stop paying homage to the brilliance of the french. [in case you were wondering this whole argument and idea comes from my proto-revolutionary brother...but i think its a good idea and so im talking about it now]. Anyway, imagine a whole subdivison with grey water systems already constructed into sewage systems, with solar development and garbage processing tanks that can synthesis and transform garbage for either more effective transport and disposal or into composted waste. sweet. it could be so sweet. (sigh...so sweet)

okay im going to go see a play, cause i like plays now.

yeah for plays.


ps i put my knee out at practice yesterday, so im going to get my ears repierced...im not playing rugby this season *weep like a baby*

peace

yes i am a jerk, more proof

so i was out with some lovely English strangers last evening, really friendly group, quite ecclectic. anyway, we were chatting about my favourite subject, education. and this one girl starts on 'like in first year, i mean i only took grammer in grade 7...' and i thought she was going to say something like but whatever, i learned and am more interested in training my engagement in cultural studies... or something, but she was saying that she thought there should be a first year grammer class...sadly i had already started my diatribe on how its such bullshit that students expect everything to be spoon fed to them and that there is a thing called independant learning and that its complete crap these kids who come in with substandard educations and demand that the standards be lowered so that they can get in too...because i means that those of us who go a highschool education have to sit through three years of mundane spoonfeeding before we can take our topics and directed readings and blah blah blah... of course its about the time that im whining about stupid people lowering standards that i realise that she had made an argument to lower standards...shit. and of course she's a sweet thing that wanted to chat with the others present, and there i go being an asshole.


but it is true isn't it? the problem i mean of lowering standards, saying i don't understand this because i wasn't trained to do this, so you should train me to do this...rather than me saying hey i don't understand this because i never learned this...maybe i should go do this to catch up with the rest of those people who already have an elementary school education. I'll be honeest, i would tell a student who wrote a shitty paper that it was shitty, their ideas mundane and unoriginal and unspurning. i mean even if its not an original idea, your argument for it should be engaged and interesting...come on.

but whatever, im mostly an epitome of the antisocial.

and another thing. someone was trying to tell me that they didn't think that grad students should be expected to know literary theory "i mean its hard stuff, they should have classes on it" WHAT! what is the post undergraduate degree that most english majors get after the BA called...oh yea and MASTERS...implying perhaps that they should in someway be a master or something ridiculous like that...okay im just ranting now. its too beautiful in the sun for this

oeace

something about fours and tens

I dunno what april 10th is such an attractive date in my eyes. but it is. there is just something about the date that is pleasant to look at. and well, thats all i have to say about that.

But about the subject i was on earlier, before deciding that a brief sojourn in the promotion of my own expansion of epistemy...what does that mean. before i did my home work, i think...hmm too vague. anyway. before i did my homewoek i was voicing my frustration with the university of Windsors "learner Centred" perception of education.

Okay, what exactly is learner centred? it sounds like education that is formed around what the learner wants to gain from their engagement in their education. it sounds like independant study with group collaboration, it sounds like a pedagogical system that grants merit to cheeting...what? cheeting as merit ful...well yea. cause to cheet you have to decided what you need to know, then take steps to bullshit...to cheet you just have to claim your grandmother is dead...then pull crazy shit and the sympathy card. what a stupid education.

on this note, im sick of being graded. i've been getting A's for the past 17 years, and im sure that they haven't helped or spurned my education any further. So enough with grading and ranking my ideas. lets discuss them. i want every class to be a conference, where one student makes a case, presents a paper or giv a talk on a subject of the class. then we have discussion around that case paper or talk. then we go eat and retire to read for the evening. wouldn't that be marvelous. and so classes could only have thirteen at most people in them...it makes for a real environment of learning and generation of knowledge (what is the word for that... i don't recall, well anyway).

it would be nice to really generate something real. Something less mundane than slideshows about knowledge lost on girl childs strung out for attention.

Hmm...again

i find it ffrustrating to sit through biology lectures while the prof tells me that we are just going to do this superficially, and we aren't going to look at the important implications, we are just going to memorize a few terms and vomit them up again in a week or so. And then to demonstrate that she is doing a good job, she asks questions and when a student answers she gives them a candy (good job student, eat up).

but the worst part about it is that it only just occured to me today the real falacy of this pedagogical construction. What on earth is she trying to accomplish? i don't think she has a goal in mind for the class. what a waste of her life. i mean poling is a very sweet woman, and i think very intellegent. so way would she concent to wasting like 15 hours a week in such mundane and ultimately fruitless lectures. I hope i am never in a position to waste so much of my life on something that i have the power to make productive, fun, interesting challenging...

i was also talking with the brother/father/family about these false pedagogies...oh i should do some work before i finish this.

peace

mill

why say anything? why not just remain silent, in contemplation of this most distressed relation, estranged from close fashioned friendship. lost. losot. losta.

meet me at 3 and we can cry together. be at peace by 4 and we can rise together.

goodnight little sister.

i feel estranged

hello blog. i hope you are well. i feel as though life is so interesting that you are no longer interesting. id like it is life wasn't so interesting just now. im full and would like to sleep, but instead i just keep being awake doing things. i am going to sleep from good friday to easter monday and i am so excited for it!!!!

i am also so excited for the play this weekend it is terrifying, i have stage fright and not only am i not even on stage, but i don't even get stage fright when i am on stage. bizare no?

the janitors are cleaning the library garbage. i wish they would clean these gossip mongers beside me too. but they never doo, just the empty tim's cups.

okay i suppose i have to work instead of whisper sweet nothings to the silence...

Eliots April

Happy birthday Mandy Sherman
and a happy half birthday to you miss clovis... thank you. not at all.


isn't that marvelous, so bullox to you mr eliot, you and your cruelty

Announcments Announcments Announcements

First, Generation Mag is en route!! Will be Launching me first independant (sort of) Lit mag next Friday at Milk...everyone better freeking be there!

Second, It's Thursday (an original play by me that was a production just in the writing) is opening Saturday, April 8th; 8:00pm, Jackman Studio, University of Windsor. This time when i say everyone better be there i freaking mean it. I am so terrified and excited for it. i haven't written a play since highschool and its been getting decent reviews so it may be entertaining (i refuse to reread it cause it was such a traumatizing write so i don't really remember what its about..sex i think)

Third, Filth, a Zine is nearly at press...i dunno when its launching but its almost in the can too.

Fourth, Reading book 9, Paradise Lost TBA probably Saturday april 1 in the pm...

fifth, i have to go to class now...more news later

Club 801

now isn't life just a bloody practical joker. just a run of the mill joker. i'd say like the club, but what does that mean 801? i don't think it means anything. i think its just a place in this zany city. isn't it strange to have more than one venue on the same street named for its address...i think that is odd. but i suppose that it isn't really odd, its probably pretty normal (I'm a terrible judge of these things).

but about life that really never closes the door, even in the winter, even when you pay the heating bill and never leave any doors open yourself life will come along and open them all up and let everything flood in and all the heat flood out.

not that its any colder outside with this nonwinter now nearly spring (on monday i think).

i wish it wasn't resume season. but thats not true. anyone got some gameful employment for me. i want something fun and design oriented (or medical based) who amd i kidding i don't have the staying power for medicine, i don't have the sheer will or determiniation... well maybe a little bit.

okay bye

centennial post

wow, i feel like i should say something good... being up so early to make this post. but then that would require me thinking up something good at before 6 in the morning. maybe i should go back to sleep and think on it.

i think that marty is rubbing off on me a bit. i just don't sleep like i never used to. but even more so i wake fully reseted after 3-4 hours of rest and function all day long without out detriment.

i was up till almost 3 reading. oscar zeta acosta. interesting piece. the revolt of the cockroach people. im a little concerned that we a reading this piece so rice in the issues of racial and ethnic interaction, in a class of people whose main interracial interaction has been poutine, and meeting anglican protestants instead of genevan protestants... but we aren't discussing race in any facet...except when i bring it up. and then we discuss superficially and without much intent for understanding, mostly only for academic gesturing and posing. instead we are reading a piece around the possible assimilation of culture in america and the possiblity that assimilated cultures could engaging in ever failing revolts. regardless of their allegorical position near the cockroach.

anyway. it is still a pleasant read.

i have ideas about milton that i want to discuss but no one to discuss them with. im going to chat with pender about book nine. i think it would be fabulous.

okay time for breakfast, cocoa says.
see you later

ps: in the immortal words of Rafiki, crazy weather out there...

milton and other dead poets

hmm.

im not thinking about dead poets..well i am im reading, but on hiatus from that just now. i wanted to mention plants, i invested in new plants (and new jeans...though they aren't nearly as newsworthy as the plants) on sunday. a fern as bit as a tv...well as big as the broken tv in my living room. that really needs to find its way to the curb.

on alighter subject (namely that of being the root of most evil) i would like to take up my brave cause to create some chaos. im tired of being stressed, time to go dancing and start gaining some weight (i must be the only woman on the planet worried about being underweight who isn't currently receiving treatment for cancer...but anyway) also on the subject of health. i, while catching up on sleep last night, did one of those things you loath to do while sleeping; agreed to talk on the phone (i also too agreeable when im asleep) anyway while talking on the phone i agreed to write valmont out of the play... of course in the morning i thought maybe that was adream, but the director assures me i did agree to do it. further (and this part i have no recollect of) i agreed to rewrite tyson into a different person. ie not the big barrelling beast, but rather the snide jealous wimp...hmm.

okay well i suppose i should be working on that and not on this...but this is easy. especially in the library with all these card playing students.

okay i should let studious roo rub off on me a bit now.

not emmensly, but still confused

we are live on location from our remote sensing operation just off the mark where i am about to bring you a very important lesson on the importance of being ernet...hemingway.

strike that, reverse it.

hemingway, being of importance on the lesson important very a you bring to about am i where marff the off just operation sensing remote our from location on live are we

what a bad mum

me... not you mum (my mum...the real one)

i forgot my cat's birthday...well the day that about a decade ago i designated as her birthday...and i didn't actually forget it, i gave her a card and took her out for a drink (or tuna water, that was actually drunk in the kitchen...but its the thought tha counts right). what i mean by forgot is that i forgot to recognize her momentous age in cyberspace...so happy belated cocoa. i think she is 17 but i can never quite get the math right, it seems even when i tie a string to the first tree and go all the way around i still can quite settle if there are 26 or 25 trees in the enchanted place...

edward bear what are you doing in the library... i like it here...its sterile. there isn't any chocolate, however.

i know how it is.

okay so there has been this intense debate in the world just now around the need for general pedagogical reform. im all for it, if it means that i wont be accosted so at the pub... lets talk mono a mono here, there is a real need to teach people in a way to free their minds or to tie their minds to little machiens (like frank here)...but really, if you can't even have a conversation in, before after a class what is the point. if you can't even retain the transmitted message long enough to recite it to an interlocuter two hours later what is the point of going at all. stay home i say. have a glass of wine (if you aren't sick) and talk to your cats (real or metaphoric) and don't worry about my pigtails...they are in need of brushing.

goodnite

can everybody hear me?

wouldn't it be something if backyard cookouts were a thing of everyday occurence, if we all could build fires and stand and watch glowing embers without expectation... i am so behind i think that the best way to spend the next ten minutes is in deep contemplation of the beauty of all things auditory. isn't is just lovely to sometimes just listen, play like a fly on a wall and just silently listen to the world, or to conversations or to gossip or to devious ditto plans. one shouldn't scheme when listening, and when truly listening, one doesn't...at least this one doesn't scheme nearly so much. i think i may take up another vow of silence. i dont know when but i think i'd like to do it for a good week. maybe late in march.

okay, my ten isn't up, but im going to go get back on track

mr moroco

on my island paradice tomorrow is shrove tuesday. how come no one told my that my brief, but oh so beautiful love affair was so soon to come to a hiatus. thats right every my most sucessful new years resolution to date is soon to fall prey to my lentan observation. its only been two short months and in that time i have made it from zero to hero managing up to a pack and a half a day, but now with the demands of my faith pressing down on me, cigarettes i must give you up (but just for forty days). i know that i have yet to stick to a resolution so resolutely but i have to give up something, and lets be honest i just don't eat that much turkey. but you have treated my well in our time together, and i will not soon forget th smell of my breath or taste of my clothes under your influence. but don't get too teary eyed yet, we still have mardi gras together, for our absinance form cigarettes won't begin till mass on wednesday, when the ash on my forehead will mark the last ash of our friendship.

okay island paradice, its just you and me now...or soon at least.

there was something to dancing

how come no one told me the oscars are like 6 days away. i love oscars...well i love getting dolled up to watch tv actually. i think that on friday i will get dressed up to watch the soaps...well general hospital. infact next time someone gets married on one of the soaps im going to go to the wedding. this may be problematic with my lack of access to television, but i think that Big Dicks or The Pub would let me watch if i was buying food or drinks or something. that would be grand. okay well i had something particular to write about, that was interesting, but instead i just wrote a mundane monday blog.

sorry

i remembered the real point of the anecdote

im not going to france this spring. im just going to rot in windsor and get another job.


but the point was that the confessional people need to stop trying to pigeon hole me. i refuse to stand by anymore and listen to pigeonholing of any sort, be it of me or of things, ideas, classes, poems, other people, political systems
books
storesshoes
horseshoes
duck shoes
marshmallows
hot chocolate, unless its tim hortons hot chocolate being pigeon holed as the root of all evil (except my evil)

or um... my i think that my focus pants must have a hole in them cause all my focus keeps spilling out. im going to go see my mum.

why i love being a big sister

cause instead of going to 16th century lit classes i can spend the day in emerge dodging doctors and nurses.


hurray for oliver. don't worry he is healthier again now.


its upsetting though, i really wanted to go to 16th cent today. oh well i suppose there will always be thursday.

ps i wish i could go on holiday, or on reading week stress leave

(i think i already am on stress leave)

the point to the anecdote...

I just had a flashback, standing in my checker-tile floored kitchen, of what may be the first time i acted out of pure-evil. it may have been grade 4 or 5 at Jen heighingtons party. isn't that funny, Jen heighington went to Assumption here in windsor before coming to toronto...and now im in windsor. im not sure what that means, it might be karma. anyway. it was at heer birthday party with was late in october, and therefore themed around halloween. they had a fortune teller there who i refused to see, because i couldn't stand the presumption that this stranger could tell me any more about me than i already knew, i mean honestly i had lived with myself night and day for like a decade by that point, and she couldn't even pronounce my name (correctly). well i did eventually acquiess and have my fortune read, and do you know what that dummy told me? that my future was clouded and that all her cards were blank, i was unreadable. thanks for that! Anyway, i preceeded to fall into a deep meloncholy and when the other party goers wouldn't stop asking "whats wrong" i told them that when i was with the fortune teller i had got a vision of Jen drowning in the bobbing for apples container, and that it must have been true cause the fortune teller put the image in my head, and she was (as they all knew) a real fortune teller. Well i suppose i don't have to tell you that they wanted me to go home. teehee. it was okay, they weren't my friends, just the other girls in my class.

sigh... i had a reason for telling this story...what was it. oh yea, it was to tell off all of you suddenly confessional people. even when i was ten i was told that my fortune was unreadable, and so it hmmm this sounded intellegent when i started.

jen didn't drown bobbing for apples, although that may be because someone accidentally knocked over the tub and all the apples fell on the floor of the basement (which everyone knows has centapeeds on in at times).

it was thursday

hello, I'm pure evil, pleasure to meet you. i think my easetrough is about to fall off. interesting. anyway, i know you may have been beginning to think that maybe i was just bullshitting, but i assure you. nothing but evil here.


perhaps i should lay off high society for a bit, focus on the less fine things in life, like writing and drawing and taking pictures of things.

let me tell you a quick anecdote first, its funny i promise. well i think its funny. well maybe thats a lie, but i think you might be amused. or not, or maybe im just pure evil and there is no spoon or anecdote and im just forcing you to read on.


dream on.

Thursdays

i woke this morning, bright and early to write a paper on genre crossing. well, to finish the paper anyway. and it wasn''t bright at all, as far as outside was concerned it was still night time...but it was early. Anyway, i started making more notes in my note pad, but being fed up with that decided to just sit at my computer and write. i was about three pages into it when i decided i needed a post-vd- chocolate (the best kind of chocolate) so i reached passed the two empty wine glasses, a dry bottle of Lindmans bin55, between the empty micky of captain morgans spiced rum and a mini mickey of something that was attached to the morgans to pull a chocolate out of the red russle stovers heart shaped chocolate box. as i was eating the dark chocolate truffle i noticed peeking our from behind my laptop an empty beer bottle and looked up to see a shelf of other empty bottles, and it occured to me

i've missed recycling...again!


in case you were wondering, i was thinking about codeswitching this morning, and i think i should like to write about it at length when i finish my milton exam.

m

VD

and another thing, about the most best part of valentine's day, namely February 15th. My absolute most favourite thing about VD is the post VD chocolate sales!!! yea more chocolate in my life. 

 okay but seriously kids, what is up with the VP of the US shooting someone. isn't that just brilliant! I think that Steven Mckay should be taking careful notes. wouldn't it be something if Ross Paul (ppres of the U of Windsor) shot i dunno Eddie Fransis (mayor of windsor) for no apparent reason. just cause he was there. of course that would be a race issue so i guess Ross wouldn't get off so easily. but hey thats the genius of race issues. or of woman issues. i only have to say vagina once and all of a sudden its a "for women only" feminist blog. 

(wow how did i get here from vd chocolates?) oh well. i should be writing a paper and thinking deeply about milton (who rocks my freaking sox off). i think it will be wise to start bringing milton into all everyday conversations. A: hey Roo B: Hey A: how r you? B: can't complain. things are pretty balanced. A: is that so? B: well i have but to the pure all things are pure, and so im just handling it with the utmost prudence and temperance A: WTF B: Also speaking of temperance, don't you find it most disturbing to think what you should do with your time? people are always asking me "so what will you do..." And truth is i worry that i am adrift on a perfidious bark and that i may be shipwrecked before i manage to find a more -- A: yea, hey listen. i got class ... so and i'll continue the conversation with myself in here. oh milton what will you do next (nothing, you've been dead for hundreds of years) (It was a metaphor stupid) (not a very good one, metaphor for what)

VD

Isn't it a cliche for a woman not to post on her blog on valentine's day. Either because she feigns she doesn't realize that it is that day, or as though she somehow doesn't care (or perhaps doesn't post for fear that someone might think that she does). How wretched. I would feign to be cliche, and so here i am. posting on VD, which i learned today was, at one time, cured with mercury and steam baths. granted this treatment killed most patients, but none the less cured them of VD. I don't really have anything say about VD. im being kind of passive, my day was super full i forgot probably three serious tasks, which is (for those of you who know me) a most unusually anomaly, and signals to me that today really was full to the almost absolute brim. im all about faine-ing not feigning today cause ive been reading Astrophil and Stella. oh sidney...or perhaps astrophil, to have such a lover to scorn. what fun that could be. another thing i would like to bring up, which is unrelated but its my blog so i dont really care, oh it just went out of my head while i was having that little rant there...hmm. okay well i should be catching up sleep now. goodnight gentle warrior.

scratch

i feel like blogging, but i dont know what to blog about. life isn't really lifing just now. its kind of boring. im not sick anymore which i pleasant. i wrote a rather good essay, well not good, well maybe good, but the process of writing it was very pleasant which is a little new. well not totally new, but pleasant nonetheless. but the weather is pretty boring, so i suppose that's not bringing any drama into my life. and im not having nightmares (thank goodness) so thats pretty average. i have lots to do, but not really any stress (it would be nice if there was a little stress).

i find this to be often true that its all or none with pressure. id just like a failing grade of pressure like 42% or maybe even 37% or i suppose 17% but that might not be enough, i think i only have like 17% right now. but whatever.

im writing again, so that is nice. i think i should start walking lady again, i miss her, and her mum. id like to start drinking again too, but not really, maybe just eating bar food and playing billiards. or board games. i bought some, but i refuse to open them, in case i start playing boardgames with myself to procrastinate (though i bet that would help raise the stress level)

okay im going to go do some work before this thing has its scheduled meltdown

XL

i feel like im dying a little faster just now. all bets are on, and im done with toys that bring no fogs or clarity into my life.

what i love about being sick

midnight exanguinations!

followed closely by early morning nose bleeds
followed immediately by the nausea of swallowing more than a teaspoon of your own blood.

nappy is not very happy right now.

but on a lighter note, hmm no i dont think there is a lighter note right now. flu, you and i are no longer friends!

Nightmares

GAAAH!!! i don't want to be awake right now. but i can hear her. she's waiting to cut me into pieces when i fall back to sleep. fuck. she's on very channel. you know that, how sometimes when you get bored with a dream you can sort of blink and change to another dream, like they played on different channels, but she's there on all of them. ewweewww. okay time to think about other things.



maybe i will wake up dani. okay settle. i just received a random email. and i think im about to get sick. in like the next 3 hours or so. i want to go back to sleep. i think the dream is gone enough now. im going to go read till i fall back to sleep.

thanks world.

ebbs and flows

what outragous weather! it was like 10 C today. i freaking saw someone going yard work today. Shall i remind you that this is canada and the date would be january the 28th, my clocks don't know what to do. (dont you hate it when things are looking over your shoulder) anyway im going to watch my dearest atousa in a play with D. its a nice thing to do. Im stoked the play will be loverly. im going to take a note book (mental note).

so life has made a complete 360 in about 24hours. how nice. i like to about face. i found a great song that make me jump. i can't listen to it and not jump. sadly it was on a cd someone burned for me and didn't record the artist or title so i dont know what it is or who its by.

James blunt is so good. Michelle's Megan number 1 is cool too! i think i will have to go out on the town with her soon.

but about the about face. i met a dragon tree in canada. it was just stunning. completely stunning by the raceway lights. while out for a walk in "the bush" with Nathan aka jack aka tyler (aka has issues with language meaning what he wants [im sure thats projected by me...im comfortable with that im nuts]) but im happy. and calm, finally. lifes nice.

(ps im going to go dancing soon)

testimonial

i just read an interesting testimonial about the execution of Stan 'tookie' williams. very interesting indeed. execution is such a strange thing. that people go and watch an execution. i was watching pirates of the carribean, and its not like they sucessfully execute very many people in that film, but the intentions are all there. im baffeled a little by the idea that anyone could think that was an effective punishment. though i suppose he hasn't killed anyone since he was executed so ultimately i guess its working to reform his ways, but then again williams hasn't killed anyone since 1979 so i suppose that keeping him in jail was also pretty effectivly preventing the sypmtoms of his unrepenting ways. of course if you're of the camp who thinks he never killed anyone even in 1979 then i suppose letting him live was also effectively remedeeing the problem, but then he wouldn't have reformed if he hadn't been sent to jail or solitary confinment. but then what can i say. i don't know anything about it. i think im going to draw what im thinking tonite, cause these word just aren't cutting the rug.

Speaking of cutting a rug. i was dancing in the living room this morning and smartly put my knee out again. its a shame cause i has having a great morning of stretching and dancing and thinking and listening to good music like Lamya and James blunt. but i suppose a roo can't have everything. i would like to go read lysidas though. hmm. i should do that.

okay.

i want to

come back to this subject, but i will forget to if i don't make a note.
border identity, crossing rivers. water wars. having a murderess for a grandmother. finding out you are part austrailian, but not aboriginal but of the austrialan who were sent there as part of the penal colony. and i want to come back to the topic of loose and found and founding and gonzo and polyvocal performance and dance and editing and editing speech and speech editing and traps and snares and all of this that started this: being without ethnicity

e-age

i wonder if you are different ages in different places. sometimes i send emails and think, my goodness, i must be 8. and other times one might read them as though i were 85. i worry about being 85.

i received 8 emails between 11:30 pm and 6:00 am. isn't that odd. while i was sleeping the world was trying to communicate with me, or to me at least. and now im up working on a paper, thinking about how bizare life is.

id like to work, while im young and hip, in layout and design. it looks like logic puzzles, i think im going to ask karen monk if she would like to take on a coop student. or aybe i will find out if she went to school for that sort of thing.

basketball boy dairies

i wrote about phillip sydney a few days bck. i just like to revisit him (in the 16th century) and think about words fit to be written and deeds fit to be done and all that.

i wish there were english games, where all english students from different schools come together and read and discuss and play and fuck it would be good. I was volunteering at the science games. those kids are soo cool.

now i would like to tell you a story about another subject near and dear to my heart: dancing. I have also pointed out before the importance of people leading in a dance. gentlemen, let me assure you saying "wow you're such a good dancer" does NOT compensate for anything. especially your own crappy or non dancing! if i wanted men to watch me dance i would become a stripper. got it! So you say to yourself, but roo i really don't know how to dance. to which i respond, piffel! its easy and i will give you a brief tutorial. 1. You cannot lead while holding my ass. one hand, at least, should be on the small of the back (which is located about four fingers below the bra strap, sadly i never wear bras, so you would have to use your imagination or ceative juices when leading me). This way you can support my weight and move me easily (your other hand can either hold mine ala tango or ballroom or can i dunno be creative). 2. You dont have to be fancy, but you do have to turn me at least once. Don't let the lady instigate the turn and go with it. I will love dancing with you forever with one turn. 3. some times we don't have to dance together. As a former ravers (its just what our generation is) sometimes i just want to be free.

Now. if you don't feel up to this challenge, be prepared for me to make fun of you with my friends, or with your friends. Im not saying don't come up, but learn. Then lead!

just

what a word. i was taking hits of it through my nose. sips and drips of just this. something else.

can i just write to you and it will be like talking to myself but for my own ego i will have a real audience. face down on the mattress. and then i can keep running from instigation, i can keep reacting and causing reaction and all will be fine.

oh can i just send you a hello. a smile. a trick.

tits out pants down

best song lyric ever, right after "look at those beautiful quotation marks"
okay i admit those aren't actually song lyics, im just in awe. i love it. my new laptop was french so i had to calmly persuade it back to the light side of the schwartz.

i feel better just seeing this question. how are you today? actually its just the punctuation that makes me feel better. i was about to rant about something. but all my rage has melted away.

rockin the b2s

oh i love acronyms and especially b2s thats right yet another season of back to school has come upon me. i think there are still at least 12 of them to come my way before i take a break.

but that is not why im here. i am listening to Gorillaz, fire coming out of the monkeys head. also thinking about ms Duncan. who tought me in grade6. im marvelling at the cycles of discovery redicovery that we constantly run in, and in each cycle we commend ourselves on our amazing grace and agility and our mental prowess to discover something so brilliant that could not possibly be a rediscovery. take this morning for example, my tummy wasnèt quite up to the goodness that is tea or a related flavourfull hot drink. but it did want something hot. for example hot water. so that is what i am drinking today. hot water. yummo!

there is definately a very prevalent monkey theme in the Gorillaz music. huh.

havin myself a big and rich time

so im a happy puppy. my new christmas present arrived today. oh *im so happy*. its a new laptop. happy puppy indeed. i had a pretty good day, minus all delays. i think i may go for a walk just now cause i can. and i kind of need the fresh air. its beautiful out. anyway, im kinda bummed to go back to school. or work or what ever you call it. actuall i want to go back to school, just not back to work. grrr. i wish i wanèt disliking work so much just now.


oh well

for love

im in love with phillip sidney!!

"the trouble is i'd rather write of deeds worth doing than do deeds worth writting about" (modernised by me)

"Alas Love, he says, if only you could defend yourself as well as you can offend others"

"the poet affirms nothing and therefore never lies"

mr sidney had you not died 500 years ago we would have been the most famous friends!
but the truth is we must be ruthless and i will be inspired to carry one your most holy mission.



* im glad i had nightmares they make reality so plesant. likestaying up at school till 2 am repackaging O kits...at least im a llama again!

for love

you know what burns me out. i dont even think that it is/was television (though we still haven't replaced that magic box) i think it's living with someone who wants attention and to be entertained and existing near people who need stuff but dont give stuff too.

but not this time!! i'm so past this place. did i mention i had a revelation about masters or b ed next. yea. i think i may not do either. but im not going to say what i think i might do cause im not ready for people to look at me and say holy shit, really. like they tend to do.

so keep that in mind people. when i announce my direction. if i do, you have to still treat me with the same disregard that you always have.


you know i was reading my OAC writerscraft journal. did i ever grow up a lot in OAC. anyway, one evening Jack and Sam and I had a long conversation about what we each are. and Jack said im a purely physical being, she could never be sure that there is an emotional counterpart to me, cause she'd never met her. and that it must be lonely. wow. and ive been writing that for that past three years aving forgot completely that night. and when i read it it was like everything just clicked.

oh life

For love

Fuck, i love being inquiry driven! Man and when im inspired to learn, whach out (as EB would say) im a whacher with a mission. no longer will i be passive to this going on. im in. hands and feet.

Im so primed to take three Penderian classes this term. yahoo!! and listen to jazz and classical on 90.9fm and just be so happy being a student. huzzah!

okay im going to bed...to read cause i can't even sleep im so excited for all my learning i just want to learn more

( i hope i don't burn myself out...bah i don't even care. im giddy with education)

New Year's Resolution*

I'm just brilliant, it can't be helped.

So i have figured out my resolution for 2006. it totally rocks, i didn't think there was anything i could resolve to do that would actually help me out in a better way, then this brilliant resolution came along (and considering my track record with new year resolutions...and really given the general stigma around resolutions of this sort...or resolutions of any sort i take as an example the Treaty of Versaille). So my resolution is to start smoking. Hear me out! Hear me out, it's genius. So it really goes one of three ways. I start smoking and enjoy it, then come lent I have something to give up and i can party hardy for mardi gras and quit my new year resolution for the forty days (by which point i will have forgotten all about the sickening habit and have not only made and kept a new years resolution and a lent sacrifice but also i will be able to cross 'take up smoking' and 'quit smoking' from my list of things to do before i die). Or i will take it up and hate it and be miserable with my resolution (as the stigma wants us to be) so i will give up trying to keep my new year's resoltion and be all bummed and depressed about it till some gem of a human being says "Roo i love you just the same whether you can keep your new year's resolution or not." Or, the third thing that will happen, is just like every other new year's resolution ever made I will forget I made it before i even get a chance to not live up to, thus I can be like most people who make outlandish resolutions to improve the world and their lives, but unlike them i won't be disappointed when i don't live up to my resolution because it was to start smoking, which, if you let me be frank, is a very unrealistic plan for me anyway.

then you say, "ahh but Miss Maru what about lent now that you aren't going to live up to your resolution?" Oh my friend you are too clever even for the likes of me. but don't worry i have already thought of that. I will be so guilty that i was unable to live up to my resolution that i will lie and tell people that i have kept with my resolution and am a smoker, then probably by the time of fat tuesday you will all start to catch on and think im lying and that i am not a smoker at all, but then i will have the perfect cop out and say "nah, the jig is not up, i would never lie to you dear love, i have decided to give up smoking for lent." even though in reality i wont because i never will have taken it up in the first place, but you will all believe i had and be so proud of me for giving it up for the lenten celebrations.

and then you might say "ahh but you have revealed your whole plot to us already. so we will know it's all a lie" to which i will say, this is just a blog i have no obligation to tell any shade of truth on here.

but seriously im taking up cigarettes as my New Year's Resolution 2006!

;)





*previously published on my space http://spaces.msn.com/members/ethok7/

this songs for you

well i hope you got up to everything you wanted for 2005 cause it is over and done with. Welcome, one and all to 2006. and let me be the first to say i think you're just as ugly as last year.

the motto for 2006 is : the truth is we must be ruthless

to be used at all the most appropriate moments. like when i sit in my apartment eating left over pizza wish i could watch anything and remembering that im the dumbass that broke the TV so the truth is i must be ruthless and pursue other things. I hope i go see a movie in a bit. i hope the theaters are open. i think i'll go to like an 7 oclock show. well we will see.

i had a blast out with some ladies last night. finally a ring out the old ring in the new worth writing about. those dogs were pretty charming but then dogs always are. okay. time to go clean up and eat some real food.

ps congrats mel, i can't believe you are engaged!